Simple blessings

Now that I'm more ore less settled into the routine of a housewife, it seems that the whole job search has begun yet again, ramping up in speed.

Chermaine reminded me today that ''being a housewife is a calling too''.

Interesting thought. I never saw it that way.

For so long I mulled over all the things I didn't have or in my case, gave up. I didn't have children early, I gave up my career and am now a dowdy housewife. I even told Isaac it was perhaps more worthwhile for him to invest in a pet than in me. First, he gets entertainment and more loyal company from say, a poodle. The poodle's grooming budget is probably less than mine too. I lamented my existence and all the things that didn't seem to go well with me. Until I was intercepted by a thought. Isaac happened. We both have a roof over our heads. We are both healthy. I know so many others would have been over the moon to enjoy these spectacularly simple blessings. Yet there I was, living in the laps of blessings but being completely oblivious to it.

Yes, there are still concerns especially now that my ginormous tax bill is in and the last I checked, my CPF can't last more than a year. We have to make plans to get the financial engine going again but every plan I've made so far has failed dismally. It's almost as if God grabbed the keys to the car of life that I was determined on driving without following His instructions from my hands. Against my will.

And now, to be very honest, I am very happy being ''poor' housewife. I loved the fact that he can come home to a home-cooked meal everyday. I love having time to spend with him...even though sometimes it means waiting around until he finishes work to catch a show together. I am starting to appreciate the fact that we don't yet have kids and can live like newly-weds. I am less anxious now and even if I do have a job, it cannot compromise our togetherness and I know that while I probably have to bid farewell to some home-cooked meals, we can still continue to collect memories and build a strong foundation for our marriage.

So there, here's the perspective change I've long been waiting for but didn't realize it.

I'm grateful. For so much.

I love him more than I love myself and never thought it was possible. Now, i don't even know where to find love in my heart for another being. Now that I'm more secure in his love, I cannot describe the increased peace I now feel. On that same tangent, I cannot imagine how much more peace I'll enjoy (goodbye insomnia) if I just knew God's love for me. I really really want to know it more, deeply so that I can walk in faith and trust Him and His character and stop fending for myself.