Everytime I feel an onset of a headache, I start getting nervous and irritable. It takes everything within me to suppress the uprising of pain and irritability. This gets me quite down and discouraged very often these days because it affects my functionality and I wonder when I can truly soar.
Church today was nothing short of awesome. I wished I'd heard a sermon like that earlier and it really felt like God was speaking to me through Simon. One of those moments whereby the anointing was strong and inspite of the headache, I really wanted to press on to focus my attention past the pain and discomfort to get what God wants me to hear.
Tarryn also nearly 'lost' Tyra today who was actually with us during service but lying so low on the chair her mom missed her. That sent Tarryn into some kind of nervous frenzy and after 15 minutes of searching, she was nearly in tears. When she eventually found Tyra, the look of sheer relief in her eyes were unmistakable and she hugged and kissed her. Upon seeing that, I almost felt God speak to me about how He felt when I came back to Him after His relentless pursuit and search. I caught a glimpse of my value in His eyes and felt hot tears streaming down my powdered cheeks, streaking them. This was a direct answer to my prayers the night before because I was just imploring for Him to show me His love that casts out all fear. I knew I needed to see my value and know that He is not negligent nor ignorant of what I'm facing, however trivial they might seem to be. At that revelation, I felt peace flood through my heart and that gave me enough grace to tide through the rest of the day despite the physical ailments (which I am still praying to be rid off). I also finally understood why He said that He won't allow anyone to ''pluck them (us) out of His hands'' and what He meant by ''the joy set before Him'' when He endured the cross. He would rather endure the agony and pain, most heartbreaking of which is our adamant persistent denial of Him than to lose the chance to be separated from us forever. Even the cross was considered joy because it provided the promise of many being reconciled back to Him. At that, it was like returning to Christianity 1101, precious truths so simple and fundamental to the Christian faith but utterly diluted by lesser things and pushed back to the backbench of Christian teaching simply because we decided to pursue loftier intellectual theologies that really, no one quite understands.
Lunch today with the homegroup took on a sombre tone. Noticed that many weren't their usual selves and were somewhat quiet and the heavy burdens they were carrying were evidently taking a toll on them. I felt sad and helpless as I wasn't in the best shape myself while trying to nurse the headache. What really is happening to everyone? Everyone seems to be saddled with one affliction or the other. In comparison, my life seems almost like a fairy tale and I felt troubled for my friends. I am praying that God works out His deep character in all of us amidst the trials and tribulations and help us to see His heart and purpose in the midst of confusion and fear. I pray that we only grow closer to Him as a result and that we will not break under the pressure. The tide against the church is really ferocious and we are only weak little lambs but thanks be to God, we have a strong and mighty Saviour in Him that we can rely on and take refuge in. That I greatly delight and rejoice.
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