The sum of all the above has resulted in a drastic emotional blow for me. I just want to sit where no one is and weep like it's the end of the world even though I know I just have to wait it out, it'll pass, be patient etc. I do not suffer with class at all and yes, shame on me.
Having had to literally rest, I've been bored out of my mind and yet stressed that I won't have enough physical strength to do all that is required of me. So first things first, clear my social calendar. Many well-meaning people have all chosen the months of july and august to meet up and I've happily obliged not realizing what a strain it is to my physical rest reserves. In fact, there are no reserves left and at that, I want to sit somewhere in a corner and wail again.
I just want to be with my husband now. Maybe a few of my best girlies too. I can't even eat coz my stomach is on it's anti-food rampage. I just want to be loved and be manja and grossly spoilt. I cannot be so super gung-ho and take on the world and suffer with class. (ie. in good nature and without complaining).
I feel alone and scared under the siege of this crazy bug. Then I think about all the times I'm a lousy friend to an innumerable mass of people and then I want to cry again. I look at photos of old and recount the shared memories and wonder if people still remember me. And if so, then for what? If it's for something too stupid, then please get amnesia and forget me. I can be alone!
I ramble on and on but this is really a tiny reflection of what is going on within me-turmoil. A 12 hour migraine does mess up your brain quite a bit and suddenly being able to type on a keyboard and not on some lousy touch-screen iphone is so much a relief I feel like..yes you guessed it, bursting into tears.
It's cathartic to type out all that I feel, messy and incoherent as they may be on a keyboard. POUND POUND POUND furiously. AHH...Therapeautic.
I really want to go away now. Go home. Go somewhere familiar.
Go to hong kong and tell some popo lying out on the streets tonight that I love them. Most importantly, that Jesus loves them.
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