torn

day 3 of being sick.

My lightning fast brain finally concludes that this isn't sinus.

It's thundering and storming now and while some are cowering in fear under their covers, I actually am marvelling and in awe at this majestic display of power. Like a light show, the whole sky is ablaze with a pinkish orange hue for a grand total of 4 seconds before someone flicks off the switch and renders it dark instead. I almost think it to be romantic to be sitting here in my study alone knowing it's just me and God. I can ignore that just right on this street alone, there are thousands of night owls like me awake and I'm really not that alone afterall. I almost feel cocooned and love.

Somehow I feel so incredibly romanced when I'm alone. Maybe that's why I always wanted to travel alone. My favorite memories include being on the great ocean road alone (on a bus with people but still) under a whole sky light with stars that beam out their greetings from light years away, walking down endless streets soaking in cultures, commuting on trains/trams/buses in Melbourne and HK.

Yes, even Melbourne.

A place where I used to visit once, sometimes twice every year but have gone through two passports now with not a single chop from it's immigration department.

I thought I'd never go back in this lifetime and 2006 was the last of it and it was good riddance to the yarra river, bridge road, vietnamese beef noodles, food tasting on lygon street and scouring for bargains at Target. But the latest conversation with the husband seems to indicate we'll be back. To visit family.

That's where the nerves begin and my run-away tendencies kick into full-drive. Never mind that this means I won't get to Xi-an to fulfil my one chinese city per year quota (excluding HK) . I'm afraid this trip will eradicate my previous beautiful melbourne memories and I really don't fancy sleeping on the couch of someone who hates me.

Just realized that the wallpaper on my iphone is of the great ocean road.

torn.