dear J

Dear Jeremiah

We didn't even get to see your face except through sonograms and ultrascans. Your parents are bitterly grieved right now even as they seek comfort in the arms of Jesus. Now we must all concede that you'll grow up in heaven and that we'll only see you again when we finish our earthly course.

I wish we had a chance to know each other. I was telling your mommy the other day on what to get you and making plans to go shopping in anticipation for your arrival. Now with you gone, all our hopes are dashed. You were even going to be the spokesperson for my new botty balm. I guess babies in heaven don't use botty balms.

I am sad but nothing compares to the grief your parents feel. Nothing that is sad can alleviate their private burden of grief. I don't know what to do and there is no way I can bring you back.

So you'll be incubated in heaven, grow up in heaven and never know misery or suffering. You'll grow up untainted, beautiful and glorious. While we take great comfort in that, we can't help but mourn still. It's inexplicable. You were the fruit and hope of your parents' joy, a testament to their love and now we have to bid you goodbye before saying 'welcome to the family'.

when you learn how to say your first words, read your first letter, remember this one and hug Jesus for us. Greet the hosts of angels who watch over us here below. We trust you are well but we cannot help but ache for the opportunity to have you with us.

Words fail me as I try to think of what to say to you, in the vain hope you'll know, hear or even understand. They say you were just a foetus, a fusion of cells but to us you are so much more. You are Jeremiah and your parents even nicknamed you peanut. You are a person with a destiny with a character, with so much. We were going to pour our love out on you and smother you with affection.

Now, I am at a loss. And so are your parents.

there are so many unanswered questions but i know its not fair to load them on you. i just wish it was plainer, clearer and that there'll be closure. i don't think they'll ever forget you and truly move on. even as they heal, there'll be a scar to remind them of you. Maybe that's how the Lord Jesus is constantly reminded of us-the scars on His hands and feet.

i think about your parents before i sleep and i cannot but cry for them. do you know how much they love you? please ask Jesus to heal them and let them hope again. please ask Jesus to pour down His comfort and grieve with them. we'll wait in anticipation for your future sibilings to arrive even as we struggle to fly again with our broken wings.

till then and till we see you again, remember that down here, on this place we call earth, there are people who love you, very much.