laid to rest

the trouble about life is that you only get that one chance to live it.

there's no second try or '' if i were to live all over again, i wouldn't have done this/would have done that." i can't explain the ache away, the ache that comes with regrets and shame.

that's what makes every decision made today so precious because it affects tomorrow and in sometimes, all eternity.

some 11 years ago, i made a decision to give my life to Jesus (my first love)
some 10 years ago, i thought i fell in love for the first time. (it was just a crush and i got over it in a heartbeat. )
some 7 years ago, i thought i really fell in love for the first time. (i got over it. by the sheer grace of God. until i obeyed, i couldn't honestly say He was still my first love then.)
some 4 years ago, i really fell in love this time. (by the sheer grace of God, i'm still in it)
some time in between, i put my eyes on me /him instead of Him
just now, i remembered why He put us together and the burning desire we share for His cause and Him and repented.

i want it right. right being the way He wants it. not the way that seems right. not just merely but entirely, Jesus-glorifying way.

there's no room for correction to alter the past. the past is inked in permanence-for the disobedience, the wrong decisions, the wilfulness. thank God i still have the unwritten future and the blood of Jesus , strength for today and hope for tomorrow.

life grew as i grew. life became bigger than just me, a wider expanse of a borderless horizon. and because of that, the glaring blots of mistakes of yesterday pales in comparison to the endless possibilities of glory of tomorrow.