she is back!!!

this is going to be a long post...

i know so because 1) i havent blogged since so long ago 2) so much has happened!!

yesterday i had a meeting with my director. for the unintiated, i've been holding the little fort (literally) on my own for awhile since my trainer left and its been daunting, crazy, confusing all at the same time. at least for the first few days but things are MUCH better now. although i still encounter technical difficulties here and there and in general...difficulty everywhere.

anyway, back to the meeting. i never thought it'd happen coz she seemed so busy and i din think i was important enough. yes, just the two of us forthe meeting coz i was supposed to tell her whether i wanted to continue working with her. yes, and that called for a meeting. in the nice meeting room.

anyway, really really, back to the meeting. i was so touched halfway through i was trying to hold back my tears because i realised how awesome how awesome God has been to me and caught a slight glimpse of His favor upon my life. and nothing i've earned or done to deserve it really...infact, i din even mention it once in confessions or whatever, i wondered if i even truly believed it. however, of late, especially during the last two weeks beforei entered the job, i've been enjoying a more intimate walk with God and gosh, i just pray our relationship deepens so much i can't tell the difference between me and Him.

found out in the meeting that i was selected out of 100 over applicants even though i was the least qualified in every true sense of the word. infact, the management was really apprehensive about hiring me because i had ZERO experience, an irrelevant degree and i appeared so nervous and mousey. but this director (praise God for her) decided on me simply because, (in her own words) that she really liked me. it wazznt an official criteria to hire someone on most HR policies but fortunately,its the general hidden invisible guiding principle of almost every employer. that's where my Father works His power, directing the heart of kings. there and then, i was so overwhelmed by God's love that He chose simple empty me to shower so much favor upon..so much so that my director had to insist to hire me and offer me a chance to learn in this big world. most were supposed to go thru three interviews but i ended upwith only two...in the words of my boss if i may quote her "you entered via the backdoor and got the job"

of coz, i didn't know these things until yesterday.

i am really just me but He is really awesome. i cannot boast about anything because i know the pit from which i was dug from. and i saw what He did inspite of my apparent lack. i wanto be so empty that Jesus will be all i carry on the inside of me. i want that more than ever these days and i'm sure its not just because of the tremendous amount of favour and grace i've experienced in the work place.

some days i just have the impulse to run off to the toilet and cry (except that i have no time to) because i feel so stupid and helpless in a position which is above what i can do in the natural but His sweet comfort was there to wrap me up and bind up the little self-inflicted wounds on my self esteem. His arms were there to hold and embrace me when i am so down and weary i felt like i was falling into an abyss. no matter what, where i go, Hez there and His presence has never been so tangible i'm almost sure people around me felt it.

i might never ever have enough time when the activities of life consume my time and leave me with so little but my prayer is that i'll never not have enough time to spend at His feet and testify of His goodness that dissolves me into sheer nothingness. even in this little space, i hope someone was encouraged. because i've been discouraged only too often to know how horrid that feels. because i've felt forgotten and believed the lie that i'm nobody to everybody only to realise the truth in shame that i'm somebody to God.

thanks for the prayers, the encouragement and most of all the love. a lot of what I am today is crafted by your prayers. and i wanto return the favour...allow me to pray for you. just drop me a msg to let me know.