phew

i'll remember the day as it was.

i woke up feeling slightly tired because of the severe sleep deprivation. i had worked till 10 the last night and had been up since 7 the previous morning. only got to bed at 1 am and i had to literally tumble out of bed to get to work. my last day of work...

i felt a surge of happiness in me and it gave me the impetus i needed to change and get ready. there was a skip in my step that day and i had to resist telling everyone on the bus and mrt that 'its my last day' and try my bestest to hide my jubilation.

but upon reaching the office, seeing my collegues, all that dramatically reversed and i suddenly found myself trying to hold back tears. gosh, i can't believe tt i'd made firm friendships inthe midst of the hectic work schedules and enjoyed the company of my collegues as much as i did. i can't believe tt there were actually that many precious memories created and friendships forged. i'm usually cynical of work related relationships and right there and then, as i looked on at my desk and the gerberra and card left there for me, i was overcome with sadness.

more sweet gestures and words followed.den another card. and a lunch treat. smses from someone who had to take leave...and i was ready to dash to the toilet to cry already.

in the midst of all that work, i had unwittingly touched a heart or two to render those sincere heartfelt thanks and kind words. by the sheer grace of God and that amazing operation of His will in my life. i knew that inspite of it all, joining the company was very much His plan.

as if (which i believe He did) knowing my doubts and questions hurled at Him whenever things went terribly wrong at work, my numerous deja vus seemed to serve as an affirmation that i was meant to be there...that i din stray from His will. that He saw this beforehand. that i'm still safe.

let me explain this as best as i can, Jesus was at the very centre of the father's will when He hung there on the cross carrying my sins becoming sin itself.

i used to think that the job for me will be the job i naturally excel in (which would prob reduce my options to being someone paid to eat), a job i can receive alot of blessings from and by that of coz, imeasure blessings in the form of great favour with collegues and bosses, smooth operation of work or great monetary benefits or just something i'm terribly passionate about. (read: isaac/food/makeup). little did i expect it to come in the package of a job that required me to learn how to handle crises, take so much initiative whenmy boss is handling other crises of her own etc). and strictly learn to follow the spirit so that i wun give more trouble than what is currently on their platter. to learn to work with people whose personalities don't exactly gel very well with me or even completely clash. i didnt expect opportunities to share Jesus, show love and just shine a little warmth into depraved hearts. i din expect the reward to be invisible yet feel so awesome.

"i've got food that you do not know of"..i quote a supposedly physically hungry Jesus who had just given to a woman at the well.

i've been fed well knowing a seed or two or perhaps more has been sown (albeit unwittingly) and hearts have been touched (according to them). i don't think i've done a good job with the job itself due to my severe lack of experience but its been in invaluable lesson that Jesus has brought me through and i'm so glad i allowed myself to go through it.

when i was offered it, i was all to ready to reject Him but i distinctly felt him urging me to take it on. i'm glad i obeyed. most of all, i'm glad my savior obeyed and said yes to the cross on my behalf.

"the sorrow that surrounded you was mine,
but not my will but yours be done you cried
and though your soul was overwhelmed with pain,
obedient to death you overcame"

as i was about to walk through that door for the very last time, a person i least expected any kind words to come out from came forth and somewhat sheepishly came forward and well, by the end of the conversation, i was even more surprised to realise a shaky voice and teary eyes. (not mine).previously rather unsympathetic due to a bad experience,i found myself humbled and so grateful. that inspite of my lack of love and ability to see the big picture, He was right there showing me that my labor of love and well blind obedience did pay off. even if it was so difficult at first to simply 'serve as unto the lord' and carry His name in a cold place, it paid off because someone elses burdens were lifted. i can't believe that silly ol me could be an answer to prayer. someone knows Jesus really cared as a result!

maybe no one sees or fathom the magnitude of this miracle but it is a big deal to me. coz i so did not expect it. and today i finally realised that His hand was at work behind the scenes all the time in my life and i was being used by Him as i wanted to in my own humble way even when i never thought it was possible.

thank you Jesus.

knowing im still in the centre of His willand knowing that Hez right there even when it hurts and thatHe has a better plan beats all the kind words and offers my dear (now ex)collegues made.truly His plan is higher, His way is better and His dreams are grander. and now..i'll go on and await the next chapter to unfurl with a new confidence in my heart that it'll be good. even when my eyes don't see. i'm glad the eyes of faith are open wide right now and may this spiritual sight be sharpened even further.