i am not a big fan of change
my life is changing in a way that i don't necessarily perceive as good and it drives me quite insane. infact, it has resulted in many sleepless nights ever since the first signs of this CHANGE broke out on saturday. it is not necessarily anything close to bad either( except in my own opinion) but because i know its escalating to an eventual overhaul and picking up speed, i feel helpless, and..afraid.
i reach out and try to grasp for support but its only air.i shout out to Him and He catches me right where i am. theres no where i feel safe in now except in His arms, on His shoulders.i feel like hiding so that change will not find me. because i simply cannot muster up enough in me to really see all the good that might be bursting out behind the scenes. i was quite contented before this point. as mentioned earlier, the past 2 mths of 2005 have been absolutely wonderful for me and i revel in this peaceful security so much i am unwilling that my humble little sampan be shaken. its ok, i can do without an aircraft carrier, really, nor a cruise liner, sampan is good.enough.for. me
feel abit lost and i'd rather not think about it. i refuse to let my thoughts wander and let myself wonder when i know it'll only serve to drive me into despair coz my eyes are fixated on the natural.
please keep the cross continually before my eyes so i see nothing else.
i know its Him, deep down. but i amstill held hostage by previous experiences.
isaiah 66.9..."shall i bring to the time of birth, and not cause delivery?says the Lord"
well, trouble is (not), when God asks a question, the answer is sometimes so duh and simple you feel even stupider for wondering in the first place. as much as fear is a strange thing, the opposite which is love, is a stranger and more powerful thing. and i'll sit around andrest and await my liberation from that little fear that tries (its darnest) to incapicitate me.
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