The right man

I don't really have a clue how but I want Nathanael to be the right man. For his wife and his children. That he will use his strength for them and not on them, have every inch of his heart covered with thoughts and love for them, take care of them in practical ways even when it's inconvenient or costs so much. 

Because I've loved two wrong men in this lifetime and there is so much attached suffering. I want him to have the best but also be the best for that special someone. 

The first person I ever gave my heart to spent the first part of our lives lying and stringing me along while having one foot in a previous relationship. He eventually came back and we tried and tried but the trust was so irrevocably shattered it was too late. Too much heartbreak and at some point, I thought I'd never get over it.

My second and final love is my husband. He is kind but like many Singaporean men, stuck in adolescence and cannot really grow up. He tries but sprouts childish spiteful words. He wants to be a dad but can't willingly lay down the prerogatives of freedom. I have had a hard time coping physically and emotionally because I feel completely insecure that I have no support and am dependent financially. 

Which is why Nate must learn above all else to have tools to build a strong family. For that, he needs God and so many others to come along and guide him. We don't have fantastic role models but I will do my best. 

For his own sake and for future generations and that daughter in law.