born to fly.

everyone seems to be telling us to fly. to explore. to roam the world. (ok not everyone, just the Ms and Josh)

before the apocolypse.

or a child.

While I'm way too far from living recklessly, I'm thinking..maybe yes, we should let loose a little and just live in the moment. The thing about life is that you'll never get out alive and maybe I should really let tomorrow take care of itself and let God take care of tomorrows. While living within our means, I should perhaps, just breathe a little more, mount up and fret a lot less.

My wings are clipped for the moment but I'm determined to unclip them soon. I'm going to stop wondering if I should have a kid next year because it's the dragon year and it's hard to get kids into places when I don't even know if I'll be here in 7 years. Yes, Nicole has drummed a lot into me. If she is pregnant and saddled with a year old baby (who btw, can feed and sleep on her own) and travel all over Africa with no permanent roof like nomands AND due for birth in Nov AND not the least bit worried, I really have a lot less to be worried about and should just take each day as it comes.

I plan too far ahead. I started the business in the hopes that it can be on auto-pilot and I can have a 'passive income' in 3-5 years and now I'm ready to liquidate. Nothing goes quite as planned and now, I think I just need to plan and prepare my heart for surprises and God's plan, whatever it is and stop being a hard core stickler to the details of MY plan.

**
On a separate note, I'm feeling a lot less weepy than yesterday despite the pent-up frustration (mostly with Dell) and being cancelled upon last minute by a friend. Not that I'm angry with her but I was just bored out of my mind. Especially since Dell is still down. The period coming is really a welcome relief although I just can't stop eating now.

Was prepping, pen and paper style about retail planning and the more I delve into it, the more I want that job. Now now, come Monday will be the day of reckoning. Please pray for me if you're reading this. 2nd interview and for now, all the signs are looking pretty positive but my mantra remains the same: hope for the best but prepared for the worst.

I caught myself making a concious effort not to be too close to some foreigners in church. I really like some of them and we get along fairly well. They really crack me up and I felt drawn towards them in so many ways. But I held myself back because I knew they belonged in the 'leavable' category. First keith and carin, then now 4 in a month. It doesn't get easier, despite the 'practice'. And speaking of which, we're not even getting updates from Keith and Carin. I heard the internet connection there really sucks so it's not a wonder that updates are scanty but I'm just praying that they are all right.

I am guarded. Because I can't live without my heart when I give it away and these recipients scoot off. In the words of Chris, he thinks they'll leave with at least 3/4 of our hearts. That said, I'm seeing Nicole like twice every week with Baby M. Come July 31st, I'll need a water tank and a lot of tissues because I'll have a brand new load of issues.