He is always on time. I just ran out of patience having been bred in this society that values speed.
It's a dry spell and I'm not coping too well.
Even as I seem to be waiting on God, I have a nagging suspicion that maybe, just maybe, God is waiting for me too. Waiting for me to get it, to maybe just cultivate patience..waiting for me to wait through this (as ironic as it sounds) because waiting is necessary for growth.
Like the children of Israel in the wilderness, I spend much of my time wandering and wondering where I'm really heading or if I'm any nearer to the promised land. I question the motivations behind every single decision and spend much time berating myself for leaving the comforts of predictability and taking risks.
I'm such a wuss when it comes to life. I want to live big but it starts with dreaming big. I dare not run with the promises You gave because somehow I am convinced that it might all be a figment of my imagination, that there really was no such thing. I am more convinced of my tendencies to to be bizarre than God. Even though He has proven himself true every single time.
I need to dock and anchor to the unchanging hope. I need to believe that somehow I'm advancing, even though I don't see it. I need strength to trudge through the wilderness knowing it is the path to the promised land. I need patience to wait it out, even when all around me are barren deserts. I may be lost but I take comfort that I'm not out of Your reach.
Maybe it's what they call 'walking by faith and not by sight'.
I don't want to sit around and wait for another miracle and waste this wilderness experience when it is boring and mundance. There must be peace in the vessel even as we coast along these waters if the captain is on board.
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
John Waller-While I'm waiting
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