report for life: marriage assessment etc.

i haven't been logging down my thoughts in this space because i just don't know how to anymore.

i can't provide a log of my feelings and chores that chronicle the first month of marriage. it is seriously not too exciting. there is a rojak cocktail mix of sweet bliss, frustration and even anticipation even as we step on each other's toes along the way, learning for the first time to live with each other.

our personal sleep habits alone are a fine example of how different we are. while isleep like a starfish, he sleeps like a seahorse in the middle of the bed. this is all fine except that we know have to share a bed and i come to bed later than him. so imagine my horror when i see someone sleeping in the middle!

also, apparently i have secret kick boxing tendencies so i've been elbowing and kicking him in my sleep. sigh.

apart from that, its really quite fine. so much so that i wonder where its all going and what next...

i'm asking what next for us, what next for myself in terms of career and growth and what next for ministry.

i don't know if i ihave any answers yet and knowing me, i tend to lapse into a kancheong state coz i must know everything from a to z. i feel like i must follow a perfect plan that locks me down to the minute. there is just not enough time these days. there's work, housework, friends , church and our own family time. it's like everything is crying out for our attention and while we would like to accord fair time to every aspect, its getting quite impossible.

running my own business is a challenge in itself. most would like to envy me for my 'flexible timing' but really it just means working overtime all the time. if i decide to give myself abit more sleep and start work later, i end up with a huge backlog and stress myself further. also, i need to put my brains to growing it to make it sustainable with the 5 loaves and 2 fishes i've got. it's like a baby that constantly requires attention and while it blesses me and makes me so so happy, it rarely gives me a respite. i'm stillwaiting on the lord for fresh instructions, for new doors everyday.

i'm learning life like never before. that its so multi faceted diamond and it reflects both exhilirating joy and excruciating pain. that every experience is so rich only because God is there. even in the pits. and the pits hold treasure only if you dig. that faithfulness is a rare gem in today's world. that i can't trust my own heart. that i am nothing apart from Him.

i would have read joseph's story again and judged that God isn't there given what he had to go through. but He was. from the pit/dungeon to the highest office in the country, He was there. and joseph is joseph only ebcause he lived through it all, with the Lord. we'll never know and fully understand until we reach heaven's door why certain things happen and sometimes it really wrenches my spirit but i just need to plow on, go on and trust in His loving heart towards me. some day i'll know. but in the meantime, i'll grow.

Sigh

I wish all would stop making fun of the outgoing president. You can laugh at me instead for feeling sympathetic.

History and the present has been critical but let's face it, it wasn't the easiest job in the world. And the verdict ain't over. There was Regan and Nixon who was just as slammed and people only came to appreciate the effect of certain policies decades later. History has not dished its final verdict.

And then you'd think they would wish the new president well. But as you speculate whether he is the anti-christ or right man for the job, the seconds are just ticking away and nothing is going to change that. He is going to take on the toughest job in the world. Right man or not.

So let's offer our prayers instead as he takes on the most difficult office in the world during the worst possible time and restrain our critical tongues.

Cut them some slack. You wouldn't have done a better job.

so far...

i think we eased into married life quite well but we're still learning and adjusting for most parts.

for the first week, it was so difficult sharing a bed and space. even with a king sized bed, i managed to edge out the husband by sleeping like a starfish and then robbing him of the duvet. but don't send your sympathies to him as yet as the fortunes were revised the following week.

we now have 2 blankets. space wise, we are managing better.

we're also learning to live with each other's idiosyncracies and bad habits. he has more to accomodate tho. as we learn to live with each other, we're really dying to ourselves. we're learning to put each other first and not insist on our own 'rights'. haha. for eg: purchase of shoerack: he thought our shoerack was too bug since he really only had 5 pairs of shoes. so i filled up the space for him.

he then never wondered if we had too much wardrobe space.

what he doesn't know is that there are still shoes and clothes at mum's that i haven't migrated over.

now that we're married, life takes on a different dimension. i still miss having mum in the next room and getting pampered crazy by her tho. i'm learning its not just about me and am learning to do housework, cook etc. housework can actually be fun in a strange way when you love the person you are doing it for and when it is ur OWN house. i complain here and there that its so tiring especially after work but i'm glad to do it. even supermarketing is uber fun as I course through the aisles going through item after item contemplating if he'd like to eat this and that...etc.

apart from that, what i wished it was my more vibrant social life back then. i could afford the time and money to hang out with friends after work but these days its harder as I have to manage housework too. it almost appears that my lifeline to 'fun' has been terminated but i'm determined to readjust it and have friends over at my place instead! it keeps our humble abode bursting with life. but these friends have to be people who can imagine away the mess and look away from the 'laundry room'.

so i'm so excited about getting more chairs for the butts of those i love. so they wont have to sit on our cold marble tiles. i do wish we had more space to entertain but we'll make do with this first and enjoy good cosy company.

MARRIED

i don't know how He pulled it all off but He did and we are so thankful.

Felt like clapping and dancing around!

it felt so surreal and magical. like how did we transpire from two strangers to who we are today? And the vows that bind us together forever are not just words. Its sucha miracle.

and it started to sink in bit by bit when people shout 'MRS QUEK!" or when i see the laundry.

hurhur.

Its been so wonderful. not just because of him but because of my friends. i can't describe it but there's alot of love oozing out of me now. gah!

even doing laundry together is fun and sweet. even ironing, packing etc. and of coz, watching little nonya together. :)


yes, life will get 'realer' and sometimes we'll rub each other the wrong way but thanks for seeing us through like You always have.