"..only be strong and very courageous.."
i don't know how i'm going to make it really. looking at me now, i can't see how and what will take from the me now to the projected me that He has painted in the eyes of my heart to see.
but i've purposed it in my heart that it'll not really be about me but yet my needs for everyday are so real and the tauntings are deafening, striking fear in every heartbeat. while a part of me is craving certainty in these uncertain times, i have no regrets for my decision and while i find myself susceptible to crumbling under the weight of doubt and fear, somehow i know i'm meant to be here.
whether i choose to admit it or not, i'm in the midst of a very important spirit fruit cultivating lesson: perserverance, patience and faith.
through this, God will show himself to me as Jehovah Jireh, give me my due rewards for surrender and show His goodness to me. all over again. like so often before. i'll catch the winds of change and hold fast my sail, catch the wind and let my vessel accelerate by Your power alone.
when the vessel arrives, please know it was Christ that got us there.
coincidentally, i've found my paths recrossing with people whom i've somewhat forgotten.
1) a brief acquaintance who is also a follower of Jesus. she was a friend of a friend and went to church with me during one of my visits to melbourne to escape my life in Singapore. For some reason, I found myself asking her how she was on msn and that led to our divine appointment all over again.
like me, God called her outta the blue to leave her job, her life in melbourne. She has been living there for a long time even before university and found a good job, has a good apartment and church there. in short, her life is there and she feels nothing for her homeland, singapore anymore. yet, God spoke so unmistakably (like he did to me) and she is struggling with being obedient and letting go of what she loves.
how coincidental. upon hearing how i made the decision and what an imperative it was, she told me that she is now on the way to 'execute the deed' and asks for my prayer support through this difficult period.
and i understand perfectly how hard transition is. and how hard it is to give up the safe, secure and what you've held dear to your heart.
i'll share my friends and church with you. don't be afraid to come home and follow Him.
2) this friend is really my bona fide oldest friend who was literally around when i was born. her mum and my mum are childhood chums but for some reason, we were never close.
recently, despite having a comfortable cushy job, she was also led out into the 'uncertain' by God tostart her own business. she recontacted me to share, fellowship and encourage.
she understands the fears, the uncertainty and today overcame the fear of questionmarks in herlife knowing God holds her tomorrows, without a doubt. even when there's a dry spell, He is in charge and she can still rejoice and take solace in that even with little.
i'm thoroughly amazed at how He sends comfort my way knowing what i'm going through. truly, He's here every sleepless night while i worry, fret and pray. and He is patient with my weaknesses and forgiving of my unbelief.
i yearn and long for the day i can truly testify as a success and be an encouragement to many. now that i'm quite depleted in many natural aspects, it's hard to find an audience. but the day will come and i wanto be ready for it and not give up. i want to finish the race, not only for the prize. so that i'll know, God has proven himself faithful yet again and I can without a doubt, count on Him.
this success has to be a platform for His glory to take off and go places. not for my indulgence. whatever vocation i engage in, has to have a greater purpose than feeding me and my family. it has to be a channel for Him, a platfom for Him, an avenue for Him and a dwelling for Him.
"in every victory, let it be said of me, my source of strength, my source of hope, is Christ alone"
-in Christ alone
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