Monday, October 22, 2007

flying daggers

There has been such a growing list of people to forgive of late.

Vindication can be one of the hungriest, most destructive ppetites we possess. Vindication is rooted in demanding our rights and justice for the wrongs done to us. But God says, " Vengeance is Mine". Itis His right, and it will cost us dearly to try helping Him out. When we do, God backs away from the sitution and lets us handle things in our own fleshly, accusatory ways. Unknowingly, we are actually coming into agreement with satan and hindering ourselves from experiencing the intimacy of Father's embrace. When we decide we had better do something to help God straighten others out, we are definitely in need of God helping us.

-Jack Frost- Experiencing Father's Embrace.

" To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kind-hearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil fr evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; f you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing."

1 Peter 3: 8-9

I'll let what's yours remain yours. Sorry for trying to defend me, who is your charge too. While you're out fixing these crooked hearts , please remove the daggers from my back and keep me from attacking them from the front with spears.

there we go, mutual effort.

You promised a blessing when I choose to respond with forgiveness and grace. You know what this will cost me. Help me remember what I cost you- Your son on a cross. I really don't understand your Fatherhood enough. I really don't believe 100% that You'll be my shield and I have to guard my own interests. Remove all that obstructs the truth once again.

I value nothing more, not even my own vested interests than this relationship. I want to live it as it was meant to be and not try to be You. Even if your appointed time for vindication is not the same as mine. Give me the grace to respond right.

I'll still let you continue to run the show. Afterall, every David had a Saul. Every Joseph a 'band of brothers'.



Saturday, October 20, 2007

Switchfoot - Gone

loved the song. but i love the homemade video by these rookies even more.

so cute.but don't miss the message behind the song though

Sunday, October 14, 2007

wardrobe is not bursting..

i was complaining to myself (and isaac) that i have no clothes to wear. esp tops. and its so hard to buy clothes now coz everything decent is so expensive and designers don't seem to realize the very real phenomenon of global warming and keeps featuring THICK heavy clothes in their collections.

so then tadah

i found a shop to acquire tops and went crazy there. bought like 6. then mum, not knowing i just did went ahead to buy like 5 more for me.

so now i won't be complaining that i have no tops to wear.

just bottoms maybe. or bags. or dresses. or shoes.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

1 girl rebellion

communicating in silence
we speak volumes

Isaiah 63:10But they turned on him; they grieved his Holy Spirit. (The Message)

rebellion grieves Him. rebellion involves me knowing His way and insist on going another, wilfully. rebellion is not passive. it very actively opposes the stated will. and, i'm guilty as charged.

i've always had a rebellious streak thinking if i push hard enough for anything, fight long enough, i'll get my way. i operated with an unofficial license to oppose anything that i didn't take fancy to and did the very thing He didn't want, knowing these things do violnce to my soul.

Having paid the price, i've since toned down. today, the only difference is that i struggle to not fight, not push and let Him have His way. it's hard for me to submit. very hard.

maybe it's a too deeply rooted insecurity that makes it hard for me to trust anyone/anything. maybe i'm too arrogant and trust me better. maybe, it's just a by-product of a fallen nature. it doesn't matter. i just want it crucified and live in total surrender.

i remember my parents (my mum mostly) having the hardest times dealing with my rebellious streak. if i don't agree with her way, there's no way she's going to get me to obey or compromise. to me, there is simply no middle ground and i'll fight tooth and nail to get what i want. in this fierce battle, there have been many casualties.

i liked to swim very much when i was younger. loved the water/sea. and then she came along and told me to swim and i just had to oppose that. sulk/gripe endlessly when she wanted me to swim. i felt like there was an agenda besides me enjoying myself. back then, it was to make me healthier and alleviate the asthma but i didn't care. it was not a valid reason. only my having fun was.

and this is just one example out of countless others.

while things are much better today and i see really no point in rebelling, either that or i've jaded and worn out myself and every other, i still from time to time find myself trying to center everyone and everything around ..me.

and when self usurps the throne of God in my heart, i find my world in complete disarray. at the end of the day, i'd rather let Him rule when my destiny is at stake. while my heart is taking its time to be aligned with His, i'll let obedience be my guiding light. in a world that's not my home, where my bearings are often lost in a whirl of confusion, i dare not lean on any earthly understanding (even my own). i don't want to waste a single breath He has given but i don't know how to truly live. because in His own words, life is much more than material pleasures , more than anything my depraved mind can currently comprehend.

until enlightenment hits, i can only imagine.

i cannot do without You.

Wilber Pan - 路太弯 Lu Tai Wan

5 stars for the voice. feels like tiramisu

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

if you like rojak, you'll like this post

invitation for home cooked meal that will not make you fat

when you come home after a tiring day at work, a warm hot meal really works wonders to your soul. at my house, you can expect the entire opposite. hence, grumpy me. if you don't want to overeat for dinner, let me know. i'll invite you over to dinner and taste my mum's cooking. all of you have heard it often, don't take my word for it.

try it for yourself.

**
volunteers to watch movie wanted
really want to watch Lust caution. esp so when its lee hom's first flick and i heard and read so much abt how amazing tony leung was. really showcased the best of his acting. i remember the soulfulness and depth in infernal affairs, 2046, heroes etc. and those really piqued my interest for Lust caution.

also, the romance and intrigue of an espionage film that was originally a novel is like a sure formula to arouse my interest. especially when it is trying to communicate an underlying message and is history personified.

**
plea for technology to slow down

i really struggled at the following junctures in life
-when the internet came about and became a regular feature in regular lives
-when 'alamak chat' was introduced and everyone in class was meeting there after school
-when everyone moved to IRC after i finally learnt how to use various commands to 'emote' in 'alamak chat'
-when everyone moved to ICQ when i finally even downloaded IRC
-when everyone moved to MSN and i had only a handful of friends on ICQ (i'll be forever thankful they stayed on. i was later told they only kept icq for me. because it was the only way to contact me)
-when everyone raved about friendster (i caught on when the fever died down. before that, i was pretending to be too cool for it)
-and now that friendster is well on track..YOU ALL ARE DOING THE FACEBOOK THING! (why?!!?) i managed to evade multiply but there was no hiding from facebook. it is a phenomenon. and even so, it was cali who set up the whole thing for me. to this date, i still struggle to throw a sheep. BAH!
-when i started this blog. ok cali set it up for me also. all i had to do was type and click 'publish post'
-when you all moved ahead and entered the realm of MP3. to this date, isaac rips cds and transfers music for me.

please slow down. for my sake. i'll stand up to facebook but no more after that ok?


Sunday, October 07, 2007

change is not the only thing that's constant

i still hate butterflies
i still hate insects
i'm still not a morning person
i still have a very low threshold for pain (physical or otherwise)
i'm still a stubborn unicorn
i still talk a lot. (some pple dispute that, they say i talk even more)
i still laugh like an ah beng
i still like hello kitty
i still speak my mind all the time. its called thinking aloud
i still trip over imaginary pop up tiles.
i still am allergic to technology
same what?!

Saturday, October 06, 2007

letting

let your cross define my life
let your will be the centre of mine
let my soul love and thrive
let my heart be your shrine

let our desires be in sync
let your promises be all i cling
let my no be no, yes be yes
let me surrender all my cares

let your spirit have its way
let me give all the say
let my words be very few
uttered only to glorify you

let your rest in me reside
let me in your love abide
let my all rest on your altar
let your wings be my shelter

DON'T let me go.

Memories

ok these things seriously make me cry and dry up. a song written by a man deeply in love with his wife of over 2 decades. and i had the honor of hearing it live.

i remember the days of my life
i recall the faces mostly yours
magic moments life was a mystery
there's no place on earth we'd rather be

moving up, goin through some changes
storing up the memories
then you gave me the light of my life
i always gave the best that i could give

sometimes it never seemed like enough
but we never quit when the going got tough

do you remember the way it used to be
never counting the cost it was a matter of trust
covenant cut were lovers for life
i still bear the scars do you still carry the knife (haha)

i remember the days of my life
i recall the faces mostly yours
magic moments life's still a mystery
there's no place on earth that we'd rather be

this is my life and i'm passing on my memories

**
attended a beautiful wedding today and i just cried and cried. by now i'm sure all are convinced God has a private cellar of tears in heaven reserved solely for me.

just as it is often widely preached that love is a decision, i think to withdraw the love is also a decision. and both aren't easy.

i think it is a miracle of heaven today that i witnessed when a man and woman become one in heaven's eyes. sometimes when i see myself walking down the never-ending aisle , resplendent in a glory that cannot be earthly and i see Jesus at the end of the line waiting. this image has replayed itself a thousand times in my mind but i'm always walking down the aisle.

i know He is waiting in anticipation but i need so much grace just to finish the course and finish it well. i'll run the race not only for the prize. wait for me.i'll get there.

**

Thursday, October 04, 2007

the mending and uncle david

blade of lies
cuts like knives
tears the flesh
merciless lash

forget the fallen things
let Him mend your broken wings
find grace at His throne
for that is your Home
find strength to release
in forgiving, find peace

there is a gift
your father has lovingly prepared
precious, genuine and rare
a prince with a heart after His
to share life with you and eternal bliss

his heart you will inhabit
there'll be a heavenly deposit
of His love for you in him
to love you right
his heavenly bride

He'll turn your ashes to beauty
you'll be free
from this hurt and pain
in earthly losses you'll find heavenly gain

i've been there,
so don't despair
He never fails, even when they do
His heart is still full of you

so rejoice as He bottles your tears
soon your mourning will turn to joy
His love will sublime your fears
then get ready
to meet that boy

for my friend who broke her heart today. don't bother picking up the shattered bits. get a new heart.

**

on a lighter note,

mum: wah, that david's son writes very well.
me: which david?who's david's son?
mum: solomon lor!

yes, my mum talks like we know him very well. oh, and solomon too. we're this close to calling him sol for short.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

i-post:setting the record

i really want our lives to be a stirring testament that will inspire others to follow Jesus. I know on my own, with tantrums and shortcomings, i might cause others to backslide bearing the name of Jesus. but i pray they see beyond me and His hand upon our lives and be drawn to His goodness and boundless love for them.

i don't want to regret anything. at least, not anymore.

i don't want to waste a single breath of my life and live life merely existing. it's too much of a price that Jesus paid and i can't bring myself to back down.

i know i can't stop the detractors from pouring cold water. so i'm trying to rehabilitate/cocoon my faith and keep it safe. incubate it and grow it in this world that's not my home.