lamb in lion's clothing.

too many moments,

i felt like Gideon before going to war.
i felt like Moses after a looong time in the desert.
i felt like Joshua trying to step into Moses' shoes.

scared.

sometimes fear looks me into the face and i just look away in erm..fear. i cower and i even attempt to hide. unfortunately or fortunately, i can never escape and it finds me. but praise be to God, somehow Hez always there. and inspite of the fear, inspite of shaking like a leaf onthe inside and outside, inspite of having m y heart in my mouth, somehow...i make it.

i can't describe how terrifying the feeling really is. how i actually lose sleep hwo i actually sweat buckets, cry out of sheer helplessness and even nearly pass out out of sheer fear. its amazing how i allow a defeated spirit to defeat me sometimes when the spirit within me is so much more victorious and powerful.

its unfathomable but through it all, its yet another journey of seeing His faithfulness. really. im at a point in my life whereby i'm actually appreciating difficulty and trials..because i know with each time, i know God better, i know HIs love for me more intimately and i come out stronger. i'm a different woman each time i emerge.

the day is fast approaching and i earnestly await whereby nothing fazes me. and when the spirit of fear fears me. when perfect love truly casts out all fear. when the shalom of God baptizes my soul and rids it of every trace of doubt and worry.

good riddance.