Today I took the last knife out of my back.

I have been very naïve. And the price of that naiveté-a job that I could love and do very well in after too many rounds of interview to be shortlisted as the final ONE. Not TWO now, but ONE.

Someone, whom I thought were at least on friendly terms with me decided to plunge a knife in the back and sprouted a whole bag of lies to the hiring people involved. It was a baloney of lies but I had no proof. A pee test would have settled it once and for all but no one's interested in my report. I might have been dismissed as a potential candidate even before I finished typing this blog post.

Upon learning that, I was crushed, shocked and bewildered. A whole gamut of emotions raced across my already frazzled mind and I felt like the world around me spun beyond control. The floor felt like it was giving way under my feet and I wanted to run-but I had no strength.

Psalms 55 says it quite well.

If an enemy were insulting me,
    I could endure it;
if a foe were rising against me,
    I could hide.
¹³ But it is you, a man like myself,
    my companion, my close friend,
¹⁴ with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship
    at the house of God,
as we walked about
    among the worshipers.

And..Jesus was betrayed for way less. Still, to have it confirmed from neutral third parties is a shocker because till the last final moments, I held on to the belief that there was good in that person, despite being given the short end of the stick numerous times.

I'm choosing this time to surrender. If it mooted my chances with my dream company, then the lesson I walk away with is : know who your friends Aren't and our relationship stops there. No hypocritical niceties and no cordial "hellos". Just walk away. Forgive and avoid like plague.

As for what happens to me? I know not. It would be nothing short of a miracle if I do get a job after such a low blow but somehow I know I will pick up the pieces and re-start the journey again.

This time, I am determined to win.

The last knife is out of my back. I have decided to throw it away. Not back at the source. The pain is excruciating but it'll heal. As with all wounds. In time.

陳柏霖-我不會喜歡你 (我可能不會愛你插曲"大仁歌")

Be it Taiwan or Hong Kong, I somehow find myself rushing back to the hotel to catch TV series all the time. This is one of my favorite Taiwanese dramas. The theme song along makes me melt. This one. Unreciprocated love.

Grateful

My friend of 17 years left this at my doorstep because I was feeling less than stellar. 

My friend of 11 years who has relocated to china suddenly texts me to tell me I'm previous to God and she's thinking of me. 

Why are my beloveds all going to be/already are so far away? 

Thank God for technology. 

Thank God for them. 

I love you(s)!