The Blind Side

Watched this some days ago and it's been awhile since I felt like every cent of my money was worth the ticket in a movie.

While it's not a perfect movie, it reignited the always present passion and fire to adopt, to give a home and be a home for an orphan.

I cried like from the 2nd minute all the way to the end and I cannot stop reading/watching interviews of both Michael and his adoptive family. I really cannot imagine where he'd have been if he wasn't found and taken in. He would never realize his own potential and most of all, never known love and that would have been the greatest tragedy of all.

They changed his world and he changed theirs. Both for the better. That's how it works. Loving will hurt and I'm sure there are many rough patches that are downplayed in the movie but that's what family is about. You hurt then love and then do it all over again. God grows us all this way.

Someday, we want to be a channel for such a great love to be poured forth. I've said it before in an entry too long ago that I'd rather be the home for an orphan than build a home for orphans. I can't change the world but I'd like to change the world of one child. Even if the child never turns out to have a diamond hidden within or appreciate all that was done. Even if. I'd like to have the purity of heart to just love without expecting.

And I'm praying the Lord expand us in every way to make that possible.

Like Leigh Anne said, "There are many Michael Ohers out there''. Sadly, I thought, there aren't enough Leigh Anne Tuohys out there.

And like Jesus said '' the harvest is plenty but the labourers are few''.

There are no orphans of God. Those who have lost their parents need to know God as their dad and have a family restored to them in His eternal kingdom. He sets the solitary in families.

Hallehlujah!

Coolie endeavour backfired.

Those who are in the know would expect a lengthy rendition of what actually happened today that left me looking like an abused kid at the foot of PWC building.

Was scheduled to pick up some leftover stock from a retailer at his shop in Erskine Road (Near Tanjong Pagar)> drove for an hour from Orchard trying to get there (encountering two ERPs on the way because I drove into Chinatown) and ended up market street carpark because I gave up looking.

Then walked there. Except that I shouldn't. Because I also tried to walk back in the scorching heat with 30 kg of goods with NO trolley. I perspired profusely, got severely dehydrated and my head started spinning. At some point, I pulled a muscle. And because the bags were so heavy, I have bruises everywhere from the shoulders to the wrists where the straps of the bags have been (yes the bags were like 6 kg each).

I was a miserable sight and to top it off, some stupid shenton way yuppie walked past and laughed and made a pathetic comment about my plight. I honestly wanted to attack him, if I had any strength left in me. I saw my reflection in some shiny pillar and collapsed at the foot of PWC building. I was red, completely flushed and my muscles were cramping. I'd been walking for 1 hour with the load. I was starting to see stars, my hands were shaking uncontrollably and nobody offered help, drink anything.

Husband rushed down to rescue me from work in a cab. Now I have muscle relaxants in my blood stream but I'm still awake from the ache/pain/bruises.

And to top it all off, parking there for two hours cost me $9.

I hate today and I'll never repeat this feat.

But in the words of Kel, "DONT ever do that again. IF you anything remotely heavy labour, please call Pete (her husband). Or else the friendship is on the line"

Am so touched. :'( but it is too late. I hope I'll have a slot at the Tui Na place/ Physio tomorrow.

光良 - 少年

Although I don't totally understand every word of this song, it somehow reasonates in me.

Somehow, I think I respected myself more in my youth. It's almost like I was a more 'honorable' person then. Some thought I was brash but it just meant that I don't mince my words. Some thought I was stubborn but that same vehement refusal to compromise has saved me alot of heartache and reaped plenty of good for me. Some thought I was constantly living in rebellion, against social norms, corrupt authority perhaps. In spite of the angst, I managed to retain some semblance of innocence and genuinely believed in people until otherwise proven wrong.

I wonder how much of all that remains now.

Just passing by

Had a really great weekend.

young adult's gathering at the mitchell's. good fun and food and got to know some newbies. I also sorta signed up for the youth ministry. (daunting thought). It's funny how I'm one of the oldest there and some of the younger ones couldn't believe my age when I told them. They were like 'I can't believe you're so old!" haha. Oldest age guess was 22. I don't know if that's a good thing especially at work. Oh well, in time I'm sure that will be something I'll be thankful for.

Then there was David and jade's wedding, dinner with Simon and Tarryn etc. Was so nice to meet up with friends of old and laugh and laugh. Simon and Tarryn are amazing. They're such an inspiration to me and Isaac and it's always good to hang out with them. I'm so blessed to have such shining examples in my life. Another couple would be Pastor Michael and Esther who've been so kind to us too. Coincidentally, they're all caucasian...I wonder if God will send us an asian role model for marriage anytime soon.

And now we're busy trying to wrap up work, housework and pack for Bangkok!

Wanted to blog on my thoughts on marriage yesterday when I was sleepless but now those thoughts are in disarray. If they come back, I'll record them down here.

After Bangkok, we're speeding towards CNY. This bullet train of life never stops.

new definitions

a good friend will forgo her eyelash perming session even though she claims to have seriously straight eyelashes to come and accompany you in your house just because something strange happened (ie. locked from inside).

a good husband will eat the food you cooked. no matter how bad it tastes and still be thankful for it.

a good cousin will offer (sorta) to help clean your house because Chinese New Year is round the corner and you don't have the best house-keeping track record.

Whee!

!!!!

i told him that i feel i look quite stupid.

him: me too. it's ok
me:!!!you didn't even disagree!
him:no it's really ok, that's who you are but you aren't stupid what.
me: no!!!!
him: abit ditsy is ok..

SOMEONE TEACH HIM TACT 1101 without deleting honesty 9999.

my incredibly slow day.

The last few days have been sluggish. I could do more work if I wanted to but inertia got the better of me and I remained ...sluggish. I finished all my work related duties by 3pm and was heading home from a meeting by 330.

I took the time to read. Rest was elusive even though I really should be getting more of it considering I don't get much good sleep at night with the blocked nose and heart palpitations. It's been too long since I got my hands on a novel and I buried myself in the paperback that consumed my time and emotions. I found myself smiling along and then weeping buckets as I flipped the pages. In 2 days, I was done with the book. I must say there was a strange relief that came as I knew my emotions would now be released when they were previously held hostage. But now, I wondered how to kill the spare time during this lull. I know I should draft out a more concrete expansion plan and continue to do the daily (mundane) operational staff. I also need to plan for the two more retailers that are coming up and the expanding lines in March with existing ones but my mind seems to be a blank.

Well, semi-blank technically but nothing I want to elaborate about here.

I could have tried harder but there were many flashes to yesteryear, quite akin to the flashes of lightnings I see late at night during the monsoonal December month. It just strikes the random patches of emptiness in my memory and fizzes out after. I thought about people, and how I'd treated them. There were those I felt particularly guilty about and especially when my actions have made them very bitter and shakened the testimony of Jesus. I want to say sorry but have no opportunity to. So I pray even though it hurts that somehow, He'll help them to forgive me, to release themselves from this pain anchored so deep within their soul and enjoy life again.

On a brighter note, I also think about my marriage and how rare and what a good thing we have here. It's almost extinct and even though we have our rough patches and ups and downs, most of it is sweet and good. He is the best fit for me and I thank God he was chosen for me even when I didn't know how to choose. He allows me to celebrate life and I am eternally grateful for him.

I know I should probably savour these moments before I get busy again on friday. Next week, the work is going to step up again before I head off to Bangkok for the weekend. But it seems like I always feel guilty for just resting and relaxing. Gotta work on that lousy 'must-do-something-all-the-time' mentality. So typically asian though, must be in my genes.

So tomorrow, I'll be engaged in very mundane stuff. Laundry, cooking, tv, prayer (extended) and maybe reply all the emails that my friends overseas have sent. It's such a 'granny' routine and I'm glad I have Jesus for company.

Looking forward to Friday! Chris and Nicole will be back from south africa after like 12 weeks and i can't wait to see her new baby bump.

reflections thus far

I tend to be extra reflective during the passing of a previous year or birthdays.

I really want to make my life count. If tomorrow were to steal my last breath from me, I want to know my last moments were spent doing something worthwhile. Even if it was just the mundane chores of life, that I did my best and I wasn't just waiting for another day to pass, for the seconds to tick by and not living the moment, whether in joy or sorrow.

Now, 25 seems like light years ago and 17 (oh gosh) was like another lifetime altogether. Someday I'll look back and 30 would seem young. And in a flash, I'd be at heaven's gate with my life displayed before me, either in praise for a life lived worthily for Jesus or at waste like the unfaithful servant who buried his talents and did no good with it, awaiting a greater judgment and the ridicule of regret.

At 17, I thought I'd be changing the world and living it up by 25. Now, I'd be happy to be able to change just that world of just that someone. (For the better of course) I can't even check that off my list and I can't help but get a tad sad at that.

I feel alone at this juncture of life with very few (if any) that share my thoughts, ideals and visions except the husband. But here am I, led astray by the cares of this transient world into the temptation to seek all for self, under the premise that it's ok as long as I somehow still keep the bare minimal statutes of faith such as going to church, praying etc.

While I greatly despise those that live their lives carelessly (and this is very subjective so I wish not to elaborate), I realize that this attitude arose out of a pity of the foolishness that has overtaken very capable and able minds rather than believing I'm better than them. I'm no better and if not by the grace of God, can be caught in the some mire as them. To a great extent, I'm still pretty much stuck with nothing much to show for.

This year, I'll turn 27. I cannot freeze time. I cannot hold on to my youth. I cannot waste it.

my first post of 2010.

While I don't miss it and I'm not sure if I'll be back anytime soon, I'm very glad I went.

Nothing short of awesome this entire trip despite the fatigue and the cold.

We even had the opportunity to have a (not-so-friendly) debate with a polyseltizing soka member who spared no ammunition in damning other religions which he has 'tried' while exalting his own. I was no match for his machine-gun fast soliloquy and I left telling him that I'm sorry he didn't think Christianity didn't work for him. I told him that I just hope he'll one day realize that Jesus does love him and did go to the cross for him.

On the last day, after the worst blizzard that paralyzed traffic and the entire city in so many ways, weather reports warned further of level 5-6 winds which were commonly described as blades slicing your skin. We ventured out nonetheless, albeit cautiously andI prayed that as we steppedout, the winds would stop. Honestly, my faith was as miniscule as a mustard seed but that was all that was required right? Because the winds did stop. And we got out safe. Everyone was puzzled coz the weather reports were hardly ever wrong. I was humbled that the tiny prayers of an ordinary girl were answered by the almighty God.

Throughout it all, we were kept safe. Later that day, as we were leaving for the airport, we had a wonderful opportunity to share the gospel and testify to our tour guide who lapped it up hungrily. She too had some exposure to Christianity but never really made the choice to commit. I pray that the words we sowed into her heart that day germinate fast and grow into a steady strong plant that will never be uprooted or shaken. It was so uncanny coz the day before , I was just getting ready for bed and I felt led to pray for her. It's amazing how quickly God answers with spirit-led prayers and the very next day, an opportunity arose without us probing and she initiated the conversation in that direction.

Going to Beijing this harsh winter has shown me so much beyond the history and culture and touristy exposures. It breaks the momentum of my everyday life and interrupts it with snippets on how other people live and provides a peek into a lost world without Christ. The world is so much bigger than I know it to be and the lost is hungry. The harvest is plenty but where are the labourers?

I don't know if God will ever uproot me from this sunny isle where I was born but we're open. I met a guy who wasn't ashamed of his faith to shout it out boldly because he thought it was THE good news. This example alone puts many of us Christians who have the real deal to shame. We hide not just our talents but openly dismiss the call of the Great Commission while seeking our own hedonistic desires.

Where are our prayers really chanelled? Where are our lives heading? What are we living for? It took a non-believer to awake the hypocrisy within me that professes that I'm living for Christ yet having no deep interest of the souls He died to save.

God help me.