it's rainy, cold and isaac is somewhere in taiwan so i'm wistful.
the weekend has been surprisingly great. i didn't shed buckets of tears because he is so far away. company of friends helped alot to ease the ache of previous week and gear me up for the week ahead.
as an avid fan of criminal minds (among many other FBI dramas), dr reid's eidetic memory really strike a chord in me. because while i can't read 20000 words per minute, i too can (or maybe could) remember scenes to the details, strings of numbers which makes no sense to me and lines of words. that was how i got through school many times because i was a lazy student. i may not always understand but i remembered and fairly quickly too. so this can be a boon and a bane.
i used to think it normal, until i realized that many are afflicted with various types of memory loss. once, when i thought i lost a camera and was lamenting about it, my good friend quipped " it's no big deal, you should thank God you have that memory and can store everything in your head so you don't need a camera'.
not many pple know about this. except those who hang out/work with me on a regular basis. ex colleagues marvelled at how i can look at a floor plan of the entire shopping centre and remember the size of each shop, the per square footage and the unit number. and i just marvelled at how they couldn't.
so when my hippocampus (the part of your brain that processes learning and memory) went on auto erase some years ago (i later on found out it was a side effect to a condition/medication), i myself was startled that i could clean forget things. it's like God purposefully throwing my sins into the sea of forgetfulness. it was just something i couldn't retrieve and because i didn't know what i couldn't retrieve, iw as blissfully safe. a few years of my life was just erased like that, like i never lived during those years.
thankfully, now, when the memories do come back, the poison attached to the memory was removed and i can recount and recollect without anguish (not much). and for the lack of a better word, i do take 'pleasure' that i have lived through the days i did, fell down and got better and stronger.
people do all sorts of things to repress painful memories and that is why drugs and alcohol are so prevalent. memory is so dangerous because if not treated carefully and stored properly, it can be potentially dangerous. people are trapped in pain and relationships are indeterminately strained. it breeds regret, bitterness and a helplessness at being unable to return to the moment and do it all differently.
there is no respite from the tormet as the reel replays endlessly in your mind in vivid images. not till it is surrendered at the cross to the Lord. then can your memory be healed and your life restored.
i wonder how He remembers the cross himself. on the way to the cross, He remembered 'the joy set before Him' which is our salvation. On the cross, He was still remembering us pleading for forgiveness because we 'know not what we do'.It was a lot less about Judas' betrayal (no doubt He mourned the loss), peter's denial, the scoffers and the scorn but the eternal redemption of our souls.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
poser
i just realized that my church (and even on a tinier level, caregroup) has a lot of people from/going to cambridge.
i'm surrounded by so many smart ppl lah!
so i devised with a fellow non cambridger, a 'ruse'. next time when someone asks where i'm from, if i say 'kent ridge' under my breath really quickly and mumble, it can almost be mistaken for cambridge.
so proud of myself that i almost sniggered. only to meet with the 'err, xinyinggggg' glare. you know those glares you all randomly shoot me. somehow all my friends have that glare.
i may not be from cambridge. but i'm also smart!
N*S, don't be sad. it's not that i'm ashamed of you. i'm also glad to be part of your alumni. somewhat.
i'm surrounded by so many smart ppl lah!
so i devised with a fellow non cambridger, a 'ruse'. next time when someone asks where i'm from, if i say 'kent ridge' under my breath really quickly and mumble, it can almost be mistaken for cambridge.
so proud of myself that i almost sniggered. only to meet with the 'err, xinyinggggg' glare. you know those glares you all randomly shoot me. somehow all my friends have that glare.
i may not be from cambridge. but i'm also smart!
N*S, don't be sad. it's not that i'm ashamed of you. i'm also glad to be part of your alumni. somewhat.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
epiphany
i've been an insommiac for nearly 3 nights already. and it's a real pain. life has been threatening to burn me out and i really don't know how to cope. i keep thinking that as long as i soldier on and grit my teeth to december,it'll be ok. but i just don't have the stamina and grace for it.
once again, i overloaded my plate and need some deliverance and assistance. i made myself miserable when i could be smelling the roses and dancing with Jesus. i could be enjoying wedding prep instead of finding it a chore. i could be taking my time sorting out color schemes for the new home instead of asking the interior designer to 'just do whatever you like lah, i trust you'. i've been so flippant about a once in a lifetime affair and i think this is just not right.
this is not how i would want my marriage to be. i put in 200% for work because i just can't stand not having things well done. i have very little tolerance for shortfalls and it irks me to no end that my expectations (which i thought were very basic) can't bemet.
that might be ok but it's not the point. the point is, my marriage comes first and is on the top of the priority list. my relationship with isaac and isaac himself triumphs over all the other responsibilities.
between 9-6pm, i will work. after that, i will switch off work mode no matter how much i would like to dwell on a certain subject matter. it's also hard because from 9-6pm, i'm paid to work. but from 6pm onwards is when i pay myself to work (i have 2 jobs). but that will take the back burner for now, although i feel terribly guilty to my supplier and limit myself to 2 days a week of late nights.
next year will be the first year of our marriage. as we sort out and try to get used living with each other and various idiosyncracies, i also want to take more time out to prepare home cooked meals. i want to be able to finish the laundry so he will have nice pressed shirts for work.
i also want to finally be able to go on holidays with him. there are alot of friday/thursday public hols next year and we shd utilize them for short/long getaways. especially since his company is so generous with leave.
with the help of some friends and family, i've got it all sorted out. of coz, their advice would have fallen on deaf ears if i didn't pray it through.
but yesterday, throughout the course of the day, i received multiple confirmations pertaining to their common advice. there is truly safety in the multitude of counsellors. some of the messages were so strong i couldn't hide.
so i think now i know what to do. despite the fear. despite the inhibitions.
He is so good, so loving, so real.
once again, i overloaded my plate and need some deliverance and assistance. i made myself miserable when i could be smelling the roses and dancing with Jesus. i could be enjoying wedding prep instead of finding it a chore. i could be taking my time sorting out color schemes for the new home instead of asking the interior designer to 'just do whatever you like lah, i trust you'. i've been so flippant about a once in a lifetime affair and i think this is just not right.
this is not how i would want my marriage to be. i put in 200% for work because i just can't stand not having things well done. i have very little tolerance for shortfalls and it irks me to no end that my expectations (which i thought were very basic) can't bemet.
that might be ok but it's not the point. the point is, my marriage comes first and is on the top of the priority list. my relationship with isaac and isaac himself triumphs over all the other responsibilities.
between 9-6pm, i will work. after that, i will switch off work mode no matter how much i would like to dwell on a certain subject matter. it's also hard because from 9-6pm, i'm paid to work. but from 6pm onwards is when i pay myself to work (i have 2 jobs). but that will take the back burner for now, although i feel terribly guilty to my supplier and limit myself to 2 days a week of late nights.
next year will be the first year of our marriage. as we sort out and try to get used living with each other and various idiosyncracies, i also want to take more time out to prepare home cooked meals. i want to be able to finish the laundry so he will have nice pressed shirts for work.
i also want to finally be able to go on holidays with him. there are alot of friday/thursday public hols next year and we shd utilize them for short/long getaways. especially since his company is so generous with leave.
with the help of some friends and family, i've got it all sorted out. of coz, their advice would have fallen on deaf ears if i didn't pray it through.
but yesterday, throughout the course of the day, i received multiple confirmations pertaining to their common advice. there is truly safety in the multitude of counsellors. some of the messages were so strong i couldn't hide.
so i think now i know what to do. despite the fear. despite the inhibitions.
He is so good, so loving, so real.
Friday, August 22, 2008
forlorn
following the previous post..
it's really quite unfair that i get to travel to all these places when isaac doesn't. tomorrow, he gets to go to taiwan for a short holiday and i hope he has a lot of fun, albeit without me.
knowing me, i would be a sobbing mess. so, if you want to , please donate a kleenex. i just don't cope so well when we're apart.
i appreciate and am grateful that i have trotted around to many places in the world where many others have not been and to some other places, on a more regular basis. i cherish the opportunity to learn, take in sights and be exposed to different cultures (and food)etc.
years ago, beneath a starry sky in melbourne, i thought to myself that all these meansnothing if i don't have anyone to share it with, to take in all these with. these sights and wonders, need to be shared. i can't do much except capture photos. for me especially, it's terribly hard to be apart. i'm usually a sobbing mess before heading into departure lounge and the grief only slightly alleviates when i am distracted by duty free shopping.
we could be going on holidays together. doing all these together (especially after we started working and had more financial freedom then poor student days). but 2 decisions we made didn't allow us to.
1) we will not stay in the same room until we're married. as we never got around to finding out couple friends who would holiday with us, and our single friends didn't feel too comfortable...no holiday.
2) we decided to get married. 2-3 years into working. so it meant every dispensable cent went into wedding/house fund.
i'm glad we will soon be able to share a room. and even if it means we can't go to many exotic places, it'll still be ok. more than ok. i'll still be so happy and blessed. as long as we're together.
i miss him so much already.
it's really quite unfair that i get to travel to all these places when isaac doesn't. tomorrow, he gets to go to taiwan for a short holiday and i hope he has a lot of fun, albeit without me.
knowing me, i would be a sobbing mess. so, if you want to , please donate a kleenex. i just don't cope so well when we're apart.
i appreciate and am grateful that i have trotted around to many places in the world where many others have not been and to some other places, on a more regular basis. i cherish the opportunity to learn, take in sights and be exposed to different cultures (and food)etc.
years ago, beneath a starry sky in melbourne, i thought to myself that all these meansnothing if i don't have anyone to share it with, to take in all these with. these sights and wonders, need to be shared. i can't do much except capture photos. for me especially, it's terribly hard to be apart. i'm usually a sobbing mess before heading into departure lounge and the grief only slightly alleviates when i am distracted by duty free shopping.
we could be going on holidays together. doing all these together (especially after we started working and had more financial freedom then poor student days). but 2 decisions we made didn't allow us to.
1) we will not stay in the same room until we're married. as we never got around to finding out couple friends who would holiday with us, and our single friends didn't feel too comfortable...no holiday.
2) we decided to get married. 2-3 years into working. so it meant every dispensable cent went into wedding/house fund.
i'm glad we will soon be able to share a room. and even if it means we can't go to many exotic places, it'll still be ok. more than ok. i'll still be so happy and blessed. as long as we're together.
i miss him so much already.
Frivolous
Paris
attractions:check out moulin rouge, champ elysee (which can't pronounce), eiffel tower
food: i think i'm going to starve. hate french food. hate bread.
shopping: fashion capital is not going on discount anytime soon. so out.
Cologne:
attractions: some chocolate factory. others say nil
food: i think i'm going to starve too. hate sausages.
shopping: land of birkenstocks
Amsterdam:
attractions: err
food: err
shopping: ??
Stockholm:
attractions: h&m
food: meatballs . i think i'll recover mildly from starvation
shopping: h&m. i can't buy a bed back from ikea.
attractions:check out moulin rouge, champ elysee (which can't pronounce), eiffel tower
food: i think i'm going to starve. hate french food. hate bread.
shopping: fashion capital is not going on discount anytime soon. so out.
Cologne:
attractions: some chocolate factory. others say nil
food: i think i'm going to starve too. hate sausages.
shopping: land of birkenstocks
Amsterdam:
attractions: err
food: err
shopping: ??
Stockholm:
attractions: h&m
food: meatballs . i think i'll recover mildly from starvation
shopping: h&m. i can't buy a bed back from ikea.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
updates.
the part 2 of the brother saga was:
on the same day, later in the evening, my brother took the initiative to call the guy in trouble up. and he took the initiative to extend forgiveness. there's a lot that can't be revealed here but his little gesture saved the poor tormented soul from a lot of err..torment.
the next day, he even went to intercede with the principal for the guy in trouble and saved him from expulsion. through this, he also took the chance to share the gospel with the guy in trouble and introduce him to Jesus who can walk him through all these.
so i'm very proud of my 14 year old brother and will excuse his other brattiness for the week.
**
me: i feel fat
him: then there's just more of you to love lor.
**
me: i feel fat
sx: you're not fat lah, you're just flabby.
on the same day, later in the evening, my brother took the initiative to call the guy in trouble up. and he took the initiative to extend forgiveness. there's a lot that can't be revealed here but his little gesture saved the poor tormented soul from a lot of err..torment.
the next day, he even went to intercede with the principal for the guy in trouble and saved him from expulsion. through this, he also took the chance to share the gospel with the guy in trouble and introduce him to Jesus who can walk him through all these.
so i'm very proud of my 14 year old brother and will excuse his other brattiness for the week.
**
me: i feel fat
him: then there's just more of you to love lor.
**
me: i feel fat
sx: you're not fat lah, you're just flabby.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
enroute clementi-aljunied, aljunied-clementi
The violin
An instrument of melancholy
Producing tunes so heavy
They drown me
Im drunk in its lullabies
Unable to rouse from slumber
Resonating with my soul's cries
The violin continues
To wail pain that otherwise cant be expressed
**
so lets be curious about the future
and see where blessings lay hidden
just turn your back on them all
and surf the waves again
never mind 'if the sun should refuse to rise'
or 'the moon doesn't hang in the night'
the tides WILL change
seasons do rearrange
98 degrees has come and gone
come on
move on.
An instrument of melancholy
Producing tunes so heavy
They drown me
Im drunk in its lullabies
Unable to rouse from slumber
Resonating with my soul's cries
The violin continues
To wail pain that otherwise cant be expressed
**
Why is it
that after so many battles fought
between your fierce will and the meekness of your soul
It still hurts
And the exchanges are still so curt
Why is it
that after so many years
There’s still a gaping wound
Overflowing with unfound fears
Why is it
That it turned out the way it did
The end was so tragic
When the start was most romantic
Why is it
that after so much
You won’t let go
Of your emotional crutch
And you don’t move on
After he’s long gone
Are you not tired?
of this repeatitive rhapsody
It’s unfeeling cruelty and sordid mess
there’s nothing there for a princess
the harsh lash of words
run like a broken record
The cutting words haunt you down
Like a drawn sword
It’ll never return
the past will never disarm itself.
it has sworn enmity against you
to steal your future
the hurt can’t be undone
but the healing can begin
There are answers
Too many of them
To each 'why' you asked
Job asked why 181 times
God didn’t answer him once
He just made his end sweeter
And restored double
Let’s stop figuring why
And settle for ‘it’s not meant to be’
there's no treasure in the pastso lets be curious about the future
and see where blessings lay hidden
just turn your back on them all
and surf the waves again
never mind 'if the sun should refuse to rise'
or 'the moon doesn't hang in the night'
the tides WILL change
seasons do rearrange
98 degrees has come and gone
come on
move on.
Flashes
A friend once remarked that i was 'extremely unromantic'. We saw a gorgeous necklace costing 50k and i remarked that i'd rather buy a car than buy that. (back then i wasn't wedding planning crazily. now the money wld go to the house. forget car)
Contrary to popular belief by those who know me shallowly, i really dun care for these things. Perhaps its in this area im misunderstood, among many others.
Eg: One ex suitor once sent me a message, ' if i bought you ---- ,u'd probably go out for dinner with me, if i gave u ____ u'd probably date me. But if i gave u my heart, u'd just think im cheap.'
(you know me best when u can rightly guess what i'll do with money.)
I also wanto be known for who i really am. And to be loved as imperfect as i am and not only be accepted when im perfected. Its terribly lonely without such 'soulmates' .And ive lost friends who can read me like a book and know me for what i truly am and anticipate my responses in every situation. Ive mourned the loss and theres yet to be restoration.
i cant say its ok or that i dont ache when i remember. Coz every friend is a irreplaceable gem to me.
**
today at approx 4pm, i thought i heard a voice that said 'go home'. I ignored it as it made no sense and i was happy today i had more 'free time" in the office to work on admin matters instead of being tied down by meetings.
Then i found out that while i was crunching orders for baby carriers, my brother was lying in Nuh as he was beaten up by a fellow classmate. This is not the first time the classmate has displayed unprovoked aggressiveness and this might be the final straw that may lend him in serious trouble with the law or have severe consequences in his future.
Noting that, my brother told his teacher that he has already forgiven his assailant and does not want to pursue this further. Im not sure if this is the wisest course of action as it might jeopardize others' safety. But what struck me is that the little brother i thought no more than bratty and spoilt could in his reduced state be putting others before himself, displaying compassion that i know can only come from His redeemed nature.
The brother shd be ok now but i pray that somehow god presides over this matter and not let my brother's blows go to waste. That somehow, this boy gets a taste of forgiveness and Jesus. That good will come out from this matter.
I hurt and ache for my little brother and my first natural action is to beat him up and a 1000 punitive measures conjred in my head as i rushed out of the office.
But deep down i think i know that He has a better plan hereafter and even this situation can be a platform for his glory to take off.
Contrary to popular belief by those who know me shallowly, i really dun care for these things. Perhaps its in this area im misunderstood, among many others.
Eg: One ex suitor once sent me a message, ' if i bought you ---- ,u'd probably go out for dinner with me, if i gave u ____ u'd probably date me. But if i gave u my heart, u'd just think im cheap.'
(you know me best when u can rightly guess what i'll do with money.)
I also wanto be known for who i really am. And to be loved as imperfect as i am and not only be accepted when im perfected. Its terribly lonely without such 'soulmates' .And ive lost friends who can read me like a book and know me for what i truly am and anticipate my responses in every situation. Ive mourned the loss and theres yet to be restoration.
i cant say its ok or that i dont ache when i remember. Coz every friend is a irreplaceable gem to me.
**
today at approx 4pm, i thought i heard a voice that said 'go home'. I ignored it as it made no sense and i was happy today i had more 'free time" in the office to work on admin matters instead of being tied down by meetings.
Then i found out that while i was crunching orders for baby carriers, my brother was lying in Nuh as he was beaten up by a fellow classmate. This is not the first time the classmate has displayed unprovoked aggressiveness and this might be the final straw that may lend him in serious trouble with the law or have severe consequences in his future.
Noting that, my brother told his teacher that he has already forgiven his assailant and does not want to pursue this further. Im not sure if this is the wisest course of action as it might jeopardize others' safety. But what struck me is that the little brother i thought no more than bratty and spoilt could in his reduced state be putting others before himself, displaying compassion that i know can only come from His redeemed nature.
The brother shd be ok now but i pray that somehow god presides over this matter and not let my brother's blows go to waste. That somehow, this boy gets a taste of forgiveness and Jesus. That good will come out from this matter.
I hurt and ache for my little brother and my first natural action is to beat him up and a 1000 punitive measures conjred in my head as i rushed out of the office.
But deep down i think i know that He has a better plan hereafter and even this situation can be a platform for his glory to take off.
Sunday, August 03, 2008
national day celebrations
friends are coming over next saturday.
and i'm supposed to cook. it went something like this :
them: "eh dinner how? you cook ah"
me: if you dare to eat i dare to cook
Paul: Ok set!
me (semi regretting and mind racing): ok spaghetti is ok.
5 minutes later.
them: ok ah, so spaghetti ah
me: well, if it doesnt turn out the way i expected it to, then it might be bei jing la mien (hand made noodles)
paul: so its a surprise?!
me: yah. up to your own interpretation. might be fusion also.
roy: it could be spaghetti (i nod), la mien (nod) or ...mamee (?!?!)!
and i'm supposed to cook. it went something like this :
them: "eh dinner how? you cook ah"
me: if you dare to eat i dare to cook
Paul: Ok set!
me (semi regretting and mind racing): ok spaghetti is ok.
5 minutes later.
them: ok ah, so spaghetti ah
me: well, if it doesnt turn out the way i expected it to, then it might be bei jing la mien (hand made noodles)
paul: so its a surprise?!
me: yah. up to your own interpretation. might be fusion also.
roy: it could be spaghetti (i nod), la mien (nod) or ...mamee (?!?!)!
beauty
we all want beauty that can be seen. beauty that will possibly provoke envy, beauty that can turn heads. we want to look like a dream when we twirl in dresses.
but how about a beauty that can be felt? a beauty that may not turn heads but may turn the prodigals back home. a beauty that exudes goodness and evokes repentance. this might be way more accessible and far more eternal that the seen, which is all but temporary.
than we can skip the fad diets and live with our fat arms.
**
it may be hard for me to ever truly receive a compliment because i tend to brush it aside and let it fly over my head. i cannot ingest it fully and humbly receive because i doubt its authenticity at times. i'd also rather deny it because it is just so hard to believe because a false image of self is so well entrenched despite being taught well.
so thank God for isaac's one liner out of the blue today that reached so far down into an aching place i forgot existed. it's a dungeon for the soul.
"you don't have to be perfect to be loved'.
so there, with my failings and all, he is still around. Jesus really loves me through this man and demonstrates His everlasting mercies and kindness towards me through this vessel.
thank you.
but how about a beauty that can be felt? a beauty that may not turn heads but may turn the prodigals back home. a beauty that exudes goodness and evokes repentance. this might be way more accessible and far more eternal that the seen, which is all but temporary.
than we can skip the fad diets and live with our fat arms.
**
it may be hard for me to ever truly receive a compliment because i tend to brush it aside and let it fly over my head. i cannot ingest it fully and humbly receive because i doubt its authenticity at times. i'd also rather deny it because it is just so hard to believe because a false image of self is so well entrenched despite being taught well.
so thank God for isaac's one liner out of the blue today that reached so far down into an aching place i forgot existed. it's a dungeon for the soul.
"you don't have to be perfect to be loved'.
so there, with my failings and all, he is still around. Jesus really loves me through this man and demonstrates His everlasting mercies and kindness towards me through this vessel.
thank you.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
FBI wannabe
God sends friends to tell us that we are not alone and we can never make it alone.
so as i was wondering how to get through today, i was pleasantly surprised and rejuvenated by lunch sharing session with the colleague/friend. outpouring of words and sweat because it was like 37 degrees.
2 bottles of tea later and for her, 3, we're on a way back to work.
then it was for a store opening and at the party we met loads of familiar faces and learnt that genes can come in a very good pack. like some people can have good voice, good looks (from height to features) and be very rich and still be very nice and down to earth. seriously, this breed is not mythical and if a specimen is required, please let me know.
what happened to six degrees of separation? i think 4 is the new digit. party was ok but ive never been big on this. besides bag was too heavy and it was too hot. could do with more food though. am mildly embarassed by the flower we sent. i expected it to be bigger and better but aiyar, ok i learnt to always refer to catalogue instead of having sales personnel describe FLORAL arrangement to me over the phone.
have had a lot of unglam unflattering photos of thyself posted on facebook recently by friends. incriminating photos of me usually stuffing my face with food were taken during birthday dinner. just hope that none of those sort are caught on camera today. because i thought i remembered seeing a camera flash from the corner of my eye as i was eating lamb chop with my hands and said function.
as colleague/friend reminded me 'company reputation is at stake'. but lamb chop was so good. i was about to put lamb chop down and feel sheepish until i remembered that personal image was already questionable when i sat down beside her. the strong association already diluted whatever 'glamness' left in me.
and i'm still frying my brain with criminal minds and entertaining FBI fantasies. someone get me that ugly windbreaker that has FBI emblazoned in BRIGHT yellow on the behind.
so as i was wondering how to get through today, i was pleasantly surprised and rejuvenated by lunch sharing session with the colleague/friend. outpouring of words and sweat because it was like 37 degrees.
2 bottles of tea later and for her, 3, we're on a way back to work.
then it was for a store opening and at the party we met loads of familiar faces and learnt that genes can come in a very good pack. like some people can have good voice, good looks (from height to features) and be very rich and still be very nice and down to earth. seriously, this breed is not mythical and if a specimen is required, please let me know.
what happened to six degrees of separation? i think 4 is the new digit. party was ok but ive never been big on this. besides bag was too heavy and it was too hot. could do with more food though. am mildly embarassed by the flower we sent. i expected it to be bigger and better but aiyar, ok i learnt to always refer to catalogue instead of having sales personnel describe FLORAL arrangement to me over the phone.
have had a lot of unglam unflattering photos of thyself posted on facebook recently by friends. incriminating photos of me usually stuffing my face with food were taken during birthday dinner. just hope that none of those sort are caught on camera today. because i thought i remembered seeing a camera flash from the corner of my eye as i was eating lamb chop with my hands and said function.
as colleague/friend reminded me 'company reputation is at stake'. but lamb chop was so good. i was about to put lamb chop down and feel sheepish until i remembered that personal image was already questionable when i sat down beside her. the strong association already diluted whatever 'glamness' left in me.
and i'm still frying my brain with criminal minds and entertaining FBI fantasies. someone get me that ugly windbreaker that has FBI emblazoned in BRIGHT yellow on the behind.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
whee!
met up with adelene for dinner at coffee club at raffles place for her to pass me her wedding invite.
and as we were eating we heard this huge PIANGGGG sound. this poor guy walked right into the glass. i thought i found my long-lost twin. i had strange impulses to run up and toast him with my ice water.
but i noted my friend's esteemed down to earth auditor reputation and repressed my desires.
**
so now she's also getting married. which makes her the 5th in our batch. mgs class of 99 is really breakng the mgs trend with so many of us getting hitched relatively early. its like the year of mass marrying.
more to go in the next two few years.
and i think all who got married so early were 'surprises' as we weren't the kinds who always went on dates and all. (ok lah, me at least).
**
there's not much of me to start with today
but you can have it all
before the altar and the cross
12 keys lay
and i wonder who these are for
my next 24 hours
i lay them down before you
have every second
and inhabit them
i'll take the keys
unlock your presents
i won't bury them
like the unprofitable servant
you'd have wanted me to share
it's been a tiring day and i am spent
do not despise my 'widow's mite'
consume it with your holy fire
i know you count this at treasure
remind me please that life is more than this mundane drill
that my first ministry
should be you
sorry i've been a martha
sorry i'm presenting my leftovers
and not my first fruits
that's cain's first crime
i don't want it to be mine
please take the very best
not after i fry my brain with criminal minds.
even if its 5 loaves and 2 fishes
sorrows, worries and cares
You said be still and trust
my eyes tell me i'm gathering dust
tell me again you're on my case
tell me again that it's all by your grace
so i can quell the lies of my flesh
soak up your peace and find rest.
light the night sky with stars
send a fluffy cloud my way
let the moon smile at me tonight
tell me in every possible way
that i am your beloved.
but i guess the best possible way
is to still take me to the cross
to revisit the gruesome sight
where you hung and died
take me to the empty tomb
where you conquered death
fly me across the map
and stop me at heaven
at your throne
so i can jump on your lap
let me ride a unicorn
so i can beat the ERP
i won't have to worry about parking without poles
or if my cashcard has money
i'll be spinning with joy
and float like casper
i'll be dancing on water
till my fantasy ends.
and as we were eating we heard this huge PIANGGGG sound. this poor guy walked right into the glass. i thought i found my long-lost twin. i had strange impulses to run up and toast him with my ice water.
but i noted my friend's esteemed down to earth auditor reputation and repressed my desires.
**
so now she's also getting married. which makes her the 5th in our batch. mgs class of 99 is really breakng the mgs trend with so many of us getting hitched relatively early. its like the year of mass marrying.
more to go in the next two few years.
and i think all who got married so early were 'surprises' as we weren't the kinds who always went on dates and all. (ok lah, me at least).
**
there's not much of me to start with today
but you can have it all
before the altar and the cross
12 keys lay
and i wonder who these are for
my next 24 hours
i lay them down before you
have every second
and inhabit them
i'll take the keys
unlock your presents
i won't bury them
like the unprofitable servant
you'd have wanted me to share
it's been a tiring day and i am spent
do not despise my 'widow's mite'
consume it with your holy fire
i know you count this at treasure
remind me please that life is more than this mundane drill
that my first ministry
should be you
sorry i've been a martha
sorry i'm presenting my leftovers
and not my first fruits
that's cain's first crime
i don't want it to be mine
please take the very best
not after i fry my brain with criminal minds.
even if its 5 loaves and 2 fishes
sorrows, worries and cares
You said be still and trust
my eyes tell me i'm gathering dust
tell me again you're on my case
tell me again that it's all by your grace
so i can quell the lies of my flesh
soak up your peace and find rest.
light the night sky with stars
send a fluffy cloud my way
let the moon smile at me tonight
tell me in every possible way
that i am your beloved.
but i guess the best possible way
is to still take me to the cross
to revisit the gruesome sight
where you hung and died
take me to the empty tomb
where you conquered death
fly me across the map
and stop me at heaven
at your throne
so i can jump on your lap
let me ride a unicorn
so i can beat the ERP
i won't have to worry about parking without poles
or if my cashcard has money
i'll be spinning with joy
and float like casper
i'll be dancing on water
till my fantasy ends.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Circumcised
"you see the depths of my heart and you love me the same"
and that gives me courage and strength to accept myself.
**
the past three days have been nothing short of awesome. It's been awhile since i saw, dreamt and heard and had it confirmed. did heaven invade earth or what? the details were so clear,the glory was so strong. the love was so compelling. i cringed, cried, fell while He undid me only to raise me up again. knots were undone within my soul as freedom coursed through my spirit.
my heavenly husband is at hand. as He came, i knew he wanted something from me and i struggled to relinquish my rights to be angry, the wrongs done to me.
I wanted to run out and shout it out. "don't cast your pearls before swine'' and my heart grieved, knowing that they'll trample on them.
I cried a tear
You wiped it dry
I was confused
You cleared my mind
I sold my soul
You bought it back for me
And held me up
and gave me dignity
Somehow you needed me.
You gave me strength
To stand alone again
To face the world
Out on my own again
You put me high upon a pedestal
So high that I could almost see eternity
You needed me
You needed me
And I can't believe it's you
I can't believe it's true
I needed you and you were there
And I'll never leave, why should I leave
I'd be a fool'
Cause I've finally found someone who really cares
You held my hand
When it was cold
When I was lost
You took me home
You gave me hope
When I was at the end
And turned my lies
Back into truth again
You even called me friend
You needed me
You needed me
--Anne Murray, "you needed me"
and that gives me courage and strength to accept myself.
**
the past three days have been nothing short of awesome. It's been awhile since i saw, dreamt and heard and had it confirmed. did heaven invade earth or what? the details were so clear,the glory was so strong. the love was so compelling. i cringed, cried, fell while He undid me only to raise me up again. knots were undone within my soul as freedom coursed through my spirit.
my heavenly husband is at hand. as He came, i knew he wanted something from me and i struggled to relinquish my rights to be angry, the wrongs done to me.
I wanted to run out and shout it out. "don't cast your pearls before swine'' and my heart grieved, knowing that they'll trample on them.
I cried a tear
You wiped it dry
I was confused
You cleared my mind
I sold my soul
You bought it back for me
And held me up
and gave me dignity
Somehow you needed me.
You gave me strength
To stand alone again
To face the world
Out on my own again
You put me high upon a pedestal
So high that I could almost see eternity
You needed me
You needed me
And I can't believe it's you
I can't believe it's true
I needed you and you were there
And I'll never leave, why should I leave
I'd be a fool'
Cause I've finally found someone who really cares
You held my hand
When it was cold
When I was lost
You took me home
You gave me hope
When I was at the end
And turned my lies
Back into truth again
You even called me friend
You needed me
You needed me
--Anne Murray, "you needed me"
Thursday, July 17, 2008
observations
bones is my new fascination. save. me from wanting to join FBI.
isit a coincidence the two institutions in trouble now are both initialized as F.M? fannie may and freddie mac. what cute names. now the feds have to rescue them.
i'm not trivializing here. it's serious and we're all in trouble if they go down but its just my humble observation and i think i finally mastered the art of being cool and not lapsing into kancheong spider mode.
whee!
isit a coincidence the two institutions in trouble now are both initialized as F.M? fannie may and freddie mac. what cute names. now the feds have to rescue them.
i'm not trivializing here. it's serious and we're all in trouble if they go down but its just my humble observation and i think i finally mastered the art of being cool and not lapsing into kancheong spider mode.
whee!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
thoughts of the week
this dangerous cocktail of emotions inside me. i want to puke it all out.
i want to stick my head out above the water to breathe. to remember, to live.
yesterday was one very happy day. we had the bestest of time together and i returned home feeling so blessed and rich. and we didn't even do anything special, check out any good food. we just..were together. i wish i wouldn't allow distractions and lesser things to cloud my vision of life and judge the quality of the life i now live. because really, it is quite very fantastic. possibly the best its ever been. but yet i struggle with the lamentations, the bad attitudes and habits of the past. worst of all, the occasional bouts of heaviness that just leaves me so weary.
i want to be faithful too. to react with Grace and with Jesus when the heat is turned on. yet, its the stinking flesh that permeates my spirit. i find it inspiring to witness the lives of people who have stayed faithful throughout in the face of severe trials, unquestioningly, determinedly and steadfastly. everyone will transit out of the trial at some point- but with what? with grace or bitterness? hurt or hope?forgiveness or brokenness?
there is more ugliness in me than i thought was possible to inhabit a human spirit. but i take solance and refuge in Jesus. this is all i have and thankfully all i need.
i want to embark on a pilgramage of sorts. to clear the ears and eyes of my soul to gain new perspectives, to hear His whisper in the cool of the day again. and i'm realizing its no longer restricted to going on some personal retreat and isolating myself from everything i've known. this is a luxury i'm denied now but God is still gracious. it's being aware in the everyday of Him, seeing His invisible hand at work and trusting in His promises of old.
it's cliche and has been repeated to death but maybe it's really all that simple.
the cares of this life are many. distractions are plentiful..that steal my heart and soul and time away from the one who loves me the most. i can't cling on to these lesser things, these little deadweights add up and soon, i'm stuck. it's time to cut off these chains and run till i'm soaring again and let the wind take me. its a destiny at stake and i'm not available for compromise.
so many ruined have passed me by. so many who have lived but merely exist today. so many detours and u turns. so hard to stay on the right track. to be who He made me to be.
i love hanging out with people who are real. upfront about who they are, their struggles and pains. to let me know this is not stepford. that i'm not alone. i love it more when i see them triumph, in a world that is hostile to righteousness and justice and repels the name of Jesus. i love it. that even in deep persecutions, their glory remains unabated and sometimes, it's like i can just see the beautiful crown set aside for them at the end of their race.
and i want to be numbered among them.
i want to stick my head out above the water to breathe. to remember, to live.
yesterday was one very happy day. we had the bestest of time together and i returned home feeling so blessed and rich. and we didn't even do anything special, check out any good food. we just..were together. i wish i wouldn't allow distractions and lesser things to cloud my vision of life and judge the quality of the life i now live. because really, it is quite very fantastic. possibly the best its ever been. but yet i struggle with the lamentations, the bad attitudes and habits of the past. worst of all, the occasional bouts of heaviness that just leaves me so weary.
i want to be faithful too. to react with Grace and with Jesus when the heat is turned on. yet, its the stinking flesh that permeates my spirit. i find it inspiring to witness the lives of people who have stayed faithful throughout in the face of severe trials, unquestioningly, determinedly and steadfastly. everyone will transit out of the trial at some point- but with what? with grace or bitterness? hurt or hope?forgiveness or brokenness?
there is more ugliness in me than i thought was possible to inhabit a human spirit. but i take solance and refuge in Jesus. this is all i have and thankfully all i need.
i want to embark on a pilgramage of sorts. to clear the ears and eyes of my soul to gain new perspectives, to hear His whisper in the cool of the day again. and i'm realizing its no longer restricted to going on some personal retreat and isolating myself from everything i've known. this is a luxury i'm denied now but God is still gracious. it's being aware in the everyday of Him, seeing His invisible hand at work and trusting in His promises of old.
it's cliche and has been repeated to death but maybe it's really all that simple.
the cares of this life are many. distractions are plentiful..that steal my heart and soul and time away from the one who loves me the most. i can't cling on to these lesser things, these little deadweights add up and soon, i'm stuck. it's time to cut off these chains and run till i'm soaring again and let the wind take me. its a destiny at stake and i'm not available for compromise.
so many ruined have passed me by. so many who have lived but merely exist today. so many detours and u turns. so hard to stay on the right track. to be who He made me to be.
i love hanging out with people who are real. upfront about who they are, their struggles and pains. to let me know this is not stepford. that i'm not alone. i love it more when i see them triumph, in a world that is hostile to righteousness and justice and repels the name of Jesus. i love it. that even in deep persecutions, their glory remains unabated and sometimes, it's like i can just see the beautiful crown set aside for them at the end of their race.
and i want to be numbered among them.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
5th duckobell
yay! we hit the 5th year and this is the last duckobell we're celebrating whereby we have to say goodbye at the end of the eveningand head home separately.
so this year we decided to do something different (and very low budget). not fancy dinners at ritz, no fancy presents (ok, that's not new) etc. we decided to take a trip back down memory lane and relive what happened on the very first duckobell day, 5 years ago.
so after work we headed for dinner at wherewe had our first unromantic date: far eastplaza and ate at the same eatery but different table and more dishes this time. it is the green signboard new station 'restaurant' and we had zi char. back then, we were poor hungry students and couldn't afford to order much. it would have been romantic if we even shared the same bowl o claypot rice but of coz that didnt happen because no 1) we werent that poor and no 2) we were xinying and isaac and we just don't share food.
so we ate heartily and i'm glad to say that 5 years from that very first 'date', isaac didnt pick his teeth infront of me. so that was good.
after that, we headed to wisma which would always have a special placeinour hearts coz thats where we really really began, outside the toilet. there he first asked me 'err so are you my gf'. this is by now infamous coz i in my flabbergasted state back then told everyone that i found the most unromantic guy in the world and yet fell in love with him.
so this time, he asked me the same question but the correct answer is 'no', as opposed to back then's 'HOW CAN YOU ASK ME THIS KIND OF QUESTION?!". because i'll be his wife in 5 mths!
so anyways, the long in short is that we had a great time eating , reminiscing and thanking God for his faithfulness because we so nearly didnt make it.
so there, thank you dear Father. for duckobell . for your goodness. for your faithfulness. for each other. MUAH.
**
looking in the mirror...
me: urgh. i'm so not cool. so unglam. and smelly (From the food fumes at far east).
him: it's ok. coz if you were cool, we won't be compatible.
good point.
**
walking past bang and olufsen...we decided it sounded like a car accident.
BANG! O! Lu Sen (the seatbelt!)
so this year we decided to do something different (and very low budget). not fancy dinners at ritz, no fancy presents (ok, that's not new) etc. we decided to take a trip back down memory lane and relive what happened on the very first duckobell day, 5 years ago.
so after work we headed for dinner at wherewe had our first unromantic date: far eastplaza and ate at the same eatery but different table and more dishes this time. it is the green signboard new station 'restaurant' and we had zi char. back then, we were poor hungry students and couldn't afford to order much. it would have been romantic if we even shared the same bowl o claypot rice but of coz that didnt happen because no 1) we werent that poor and no 2) we were xinying and isaac and we just don't share food.
so we ate heartily and i'm glad to say that 5 years from that very first 'date', isaac didnt pick his teeth infront of me. so that was good.
after that, we headed to wisma which would always have a special placeinour hearts coz thats where we really really began, outside the toilet. there he first asked me 'err so are you my gf'. this is by now infamous coz i in my flabbergasted state back then told everyone that i found the most unromantic guy in the world and yet fell in love with him.
so this time, he asked me the same question but the correct answer is 'no', as opposed to back then's 'HOW CAN YOU ASK ME THIS KIND OF QUESTION?!". because i'll be his wife in 5 mths!
so anyways, the long in short is that we had a great time eating , reminiscing and thanking God for his faithfulness because we so nearly didnt make it.
so there, thank you dear Father. for duckobell . for your goodness. for your faithfulness. for each other. MUAH.
**
looking in the mirror...
me: urgh. i'm so not cool. so unglam. and smelly (From the food fumes at far east).
him: it's ok. coz if you were cool, we won't be compatible.
good point.
**
walking past bang and olufsen...we decided it sounded like a car accident.
BANG! O! Lu Sen (the seatbelt!)
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Rs
Not reduce, reuse and recycle.
Regrets/rewind
the most painful word established in the english vocabulary.
Many times, i want to hit myself and wish very hard that i could just the time back by those few minutes to right the wrong and better that moment. but its all futile. that has never and will never materialized.
the trap to get me stuck in the 'if only's of life keeps me from advancing to the best and unlimited that the future offers. my best years are not behind me, neither is it now. its infront. i hope to still be saying this when i'm 70, 80. it'll always be ahead. never behind.
i might have done better in that moment on hindsight. but i'll never have the moment back. i can only seize the next one.
*
Revenge
i want to hit back and right my own wrongs done to me. and i know i have the claws like wolverine, hidden but mighty. i know i can scratch them alive and make them eat their words. i know my words can tear much down and i've been strugglign to bridle them. to let go of my rights and let God. to leave Him to be the judge and to absolve myself in this situation.
it goes against everything that i am. the one who will fight. i am now called to be meek and to submit my 'predicament' to Him even when injustice was done towards me. the only battle i am called to now is the battle against my flesh.
i can be antagonistic and ruthless. but i'm struggling not to be. because some time ago, i signed my life away to be His follower, bearing up the cross to walk the talk. now i have to love my enemies through the love shed abroad. and this year, i've been challenged endlessly to love the painfully unloveable even as they unrepentantly choose to sin against me. just as I have sinned against my God but have gained forgiveness.
now, all i really desire is grace to keep forgiving despite the unrelentless tide of offense. maybe they really don't know what they do. and i leave my interests in His palm, knowing somehow, all this will pan out for His glory and He will take care of me.(before i give up and take care of them.)
*
Respite
Bangkok provided a great respite for me from the bustle of life. i enjoyed being away, being uncontactable (somewhat) and being with my good friend, who painstakingly put up withmy messiness and tardiness when she suffers from an extreme form of obsessive compulsive disorder.
(so in the end she had to pack for me by sorting out my stuff properly while i was previously throwing and dumping and then attemptign to sit on luggage to close it). I appreciate the carefully and thoughtfully planned itinery that even gives us a 1 hr break and everything so so much and the patience when i said i'll nap 15 minutes but zonk out for like 1 hr and the bag shopping.
and the list goes on.
this trip also unveiled another thing. that i look very local and thai. it's not just the clothes (because i look sloppier than the street hawker) but that i just look thai. people actually express genuine surprise when i say i'm not thai.
this has to serve a purpose. besides being able to get better bargains because tourists usually get ripped off, maybe it'll help meto assimilate better during ministry/mission trips. but it'll take quite a miracle for me to remotely master the sing song thai language lah.
i'm thankful for it and i think i came back better. more ready to take the problems thrown head on. i think that if not for the break i might have really broken down emotionally,mentally and physically because of the sheer stress of everything. i want to go back one day. i see it. not just for teh shopping but i want to visit the slums with physical and spiritual provisions from heaven and reclaim some territory back for my Lord.
prepare for my return, thailand.
Regrets/rewind
the most painful word established in the english vocabulary.
Many times, i want to hit myself and wish very hard that i could just the time back by those few minutes to right the wrong and better that moment. but its all futile. that has never and will never materialized.
the trap to get me stuck in the 'if only's of life keeps me from advancing to the best and unlimited that the future offers. my best years are not behind me, neither is it now. its infront. i hope to still be saying this when i'm 70, 80. it'll always be ahead. never behind.
i might have done better in that moment on hindsight. but i'll never have the moment back. i can only seize the next one.
*
Revenge
i want to hit back and right my own wrongs done to me. and i know i have the claws like wolverine, hidden but mighty. i know i can scratch them alive and make them eat their words. i know my words can tear much down and i've been strugglign to bridle them. to let go of my rights and let God. to leave Him to be the judge and to absolve myself in this situation.
it goes against everything that i am. the one who will fight. i am now called to be meek and to submit my 'predicament' to Him even when injustice was done towards me. the only battle i am called to now is the battle against my flesh.
i can be antagonistic and ruthless. but i'm struggling not to be. because some time ago, i signed my life away to be His follower, bearing up the cross to walk the talk. now i have to love my enemies through the love shed abroad. and this year, i've been challenged endlessly to love the painfully unloveable even as they unrepentantly choose to sin against me. just as I have sinned against my God but have gained forgiveness.
now, all i really desire is grace to keep forgiving despite the unrelentless tide of offense. maybe they really don't know what they do. and i leave my interests in His palm, knowing somehow, all this will pan out for His glory and He will take care of me.(before i give up and take care of them.)
*
Respite
Bangkok provided a great respite for me from the bustle of life. i enjoyed being away, being uncontactable (somewhat) and being with my good friend, who painstakingly put up withmy messiness and tardiness when she suffers from an extreme form of obsessive compulsive disorder.
(so in the end she had to pack for me by sorting out my stuff properly while i was previously throwing and dumping and then attemptign to sit on luggage to close it). I appreciate the carefully and thoughtfully planned itinery that even gives us a 1 hr break and everything so so much and the patience when i said i'll nap 15 minutes but zonk out for like 1 hr and the bag shopping.
and the list goes on.
this trip also unveiled another thing. that i look very local and thai. it's not just the clothes (because i look sloppier than the street hawker) but that i just look thai. people actually express genuine surprise when i say i'm not thai.
this has to serve a purpose. besides being able to get better bargains because tourists usually get ripped off, maybe it'll help meto assimilate better during ministry/mission trips. but it'll take quite a miracle for me to remotely master the sing song thai language lah.
i'm thankful for it and i think i came back better. more ready to take the problems thrown head on. i think that if not for the break i might have really broken down emotionally,mentally and physically because of the sheer stress of everything. i want to go back one day. i see it. not just for teh shopping but i want to visit the slums with physical and spiritual provisions from heaven and reclaim some territory back for my Lord.
prepare for my return, thailand.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
world and personal transitions
is the media in love with Obama or what? but i can understand why. i'm a fan too. i try to be objective and try my bestest to restrain me to denounce the other candidates but this man really won me over in so many ways.
Now i'm just waiting to see what he'll say concerning zion and after that it pretty much seals my vote. as if i get to vote. but well at least i'm committed to praying God's choice into the white house.
its not the good looks as some of his detractors like to expound on that kept me spell bound. there's so much more from fund raising methods to governanceof his campaigning committee etc. everything he does is so unprecedented and fresh (no wonder they denounce him for being inexperienced). if this is what inexperience is about, i'm all for it.
joshua was quite inexperienced in leading the people into the promised land but he was God's choice. i think this signals something very new in the world. i'm ready for America's first black president. I'm ready for the eagle to soar again and turn the tide around and soar so high against the boarish bear and the proud dragon. *oops*
**
i've been so greatly fatigued lately with packing and just thinking about the things that lay ahead. there seems to be no respite which is why i'm so looking forward to rest.
2008 really bullet sped past me and yes although we're only in june, i can sniff december already. it's round the corner.
being thrust and vascillated endlessly between the present and the future so often rendered me somewhat an amnesiac towards history. my packing uncovered adventures of the past and the highlight really was pictures of the past. sadly, i don't have many of myself in mgs and pjc but those i had made me laugh (and cringe).
i'd like to think i was never THAT dorky but the picture evidence spoke strongly against me. it brought me back down memory lane while i revisited old friendships in those pictures and the naivety that characterized that age. i liked the innocence that was associated with it and remember the petty squabbles with friends.
the photos charted the course i've taken and the long wayi've come. it's such an amazingness seeing how God operated on me bit by bit and how much more He'll take me. and i'm so blessed and proud that many from those photos are still present in my life today. i consider that true treasure and am a firm believer that how rich you are is often quite defined by your relationships. when i think about th epeople i've been blessed with and how our friendships have endured the ages and transcended so much, i do think i'm very rich.
when i'm married and have household obligations (like cooking and ironing), i'll miss many things of singlehood. and while i enter a different phase which many of my friends aren't inaugarated into yet, i have the faith that while our activities differ, our friendship will remain and continue to get better with age. as with eachtransition, somethings have to go to make way for the new.there'll probably be no more sleepovers which is something we left behind in the 20th century. and we might end up bonding in the aisles of supermarkets as we ponder over which brand of washing powder provides the best value of money instead of the fitting room where we ponder over 'which pair of jeans doesn't make my butt look fat and my legs long'.
nah, i'm kidding. my friends thankfully are more than shopping buddies (they are eating kakis too, esp mei ling and shuxin). there is more that we talk about and i like it that we can bare ur hearts and bear each other up. (until i get so irritating they all explode.but i secretly enjoy exasperating them)
i can't take all along with me as i transit from singlehood to marriage. i'm leaving my soft toys, books and some other relics behind. and my wilfuness, rights and pride to begin my covenant that will stretch eternity .
Now i'm just waiting to see what he'll say concerning zion and after that it pretty much seals my vote. as if i get to vote. but well at least i'm committed to praying God's choice into the white house.
its not the good looks as some of his detractors like to expound on that kept me spell bound. there's so much more from fund raising methods to governanceof his campaigning committee etc. everything he does is so unprecedented and fresh (no wonder they denounce him for being inexperienced). if this is what inexperience is about, i'm all for it.
joshua was quite inexperienced in leading the people into the promised land but he was God's choice. i think this signals something very new in the world. i'm ready for America's first black president. I'm ready for the eagle to soar again and turn the tide around and soar so high against the boarish bear and the proud dragon. *oops*
**
i've been so greatly fatigued lately with packing and just thinking about the things that lay ahead. there seems to be no respite which is why i'm so looking forward to rest.
2008 really bullet sped past me and yes although we're only in june, i can sniff december already. it's round the corner.
being thrust and vascillated endlessly between the present and the future so often rendered me somewhat an amnesiac towards history. my packing uncovered adventures of the past and the highlight really was pictures of the past. sadly, i don't have many of myself in mgs and pjc but those i had made me laugh (and cringe).
i'd like to think i was never THAT dorky but the picture evidence spoke strongly against me. it brought me back down memory lane while i revisited old friendships in those pictures and the naivety that characterized that age. i liked the innocence that was associated with it and remember the petty squabbles with friends.
the photos charted the course i've taken and the long wayi've come. it's such an amazingness seeing how God operated on me bit by bit and how much more He'll take me. and i'm so blessed and proud that many from those photos are still present in my life today. i consider that true treasure and am a firm believer that how rich you are is often quite defined by your relationships. when i think about th epeople i've been blessed with and how our friendships have endured the ages and transcended so much, i do think i'm very rich.
when i'm married and have household obligations (like cooking and ironing), i'll miss many things of singlehood. and while i enter a different phase which many of my friends aren't inaugarated into yet, i have the faith that while our activities differ, our friendship will remain and continue to get better with age. as with eachtransition, somethings have to go to make way for the new.there'll probably be no more sleepovers which is something we left behind in the 20th century. and we might end up bonding in the aisles of supermarkets as we ponder over which brand of washing powder provides the best value of money instead of the fitting room where we ponder over 'which pair of jeans doesn't make my butt look fat and my legs long'.
nah, i'm kidding. my friends thankfully are more than shopping buddies (they are eating kakis too, esp mei ling and shuxin). there is more that we talk about and i like it that we can bare ur hearts and bear each other up. (until i get so irritating they all explode.but i secretly enjoy exasperating them)
i can't take all along with me as i transit from singlehood to marriage. i'm leaving my soft toys, books and some other relics behind. and my wilfuness, rights and pride to begin my covenant that will stretch eternity .
Sunday, June 08, 2008
my technological milestones
1996-hotmail account set up. by mei ling (i've since progressed to yahoo/gmail)
1997- irc set up by mei ling
1997-icq set up by cali (which i ended up using for a looong time even when all of you abandoned me for msn!)
2005-msn. by this thankfully comes with windows live.
2004-blogger set up by cali
2005-friendster set up by cali
2006-flickr set up by cali.
2008-facebook set up by cali, wedding photos uploaded by cali, snapfish set up by cali
1996-? mei ling records all my missed episodes of tv shows. because even if i had a vcr, i wouldn't know how to use it.
what will i do without my friends?
live in a cave.with dinosaurs.
1997- irc set up by mei ling
1997-icq set up by cali (which i ended up using for a looong time even when all of you abandoned me for msn!)
2005-msn. by this thankfully comes with windows live.
2004-blogger set up by cali
2005-friendster set up by cali
2006-flickr set up by cali.
2008-facebook set up by cali, wedding photos uploaded by cali, snapfish set up by cali
1996-? mei ling records all my missed episodes of tv shows. because even if i had a vcr, i wouldn't know how to use it.
what will i do without my friends?
live in a cave.with dinosaurs.
Saturday, June 07, 2008
i will never be a model
for more reasons than one.
1)i'm uber unprofessional and i hate posing posing posing. the photographer said that unlike couples who want more more more pictures to milk their money's worth, i'm like 'ok, this is so hard, ok let's go!lament lament''
2)in her words, i'm ''pose like robot'' -stiff.
3)i don't take instructions very well.
eg: from far, "xinying!!show your flowers!!!"
me: "huh?!?!"
isaac behind me "SHOWWW your flowers at her!!"
me (bewildered that they asked me to throw the flowers but willing obeyed' threw the bouquet at the photographer. and hit her face.
photographer: "i'm gg to vomit''
2 interpretations of that line : i'm so exasperated i'm gg to vomit, you hit me so hard i'm gg to vomit (the bouquet has a long hard stick below)
4)you already know this by now...i'm clumsy.
up the stairs: trips and falls X4 among other things.
**
special thanks to calista teo...who went the extra mile for her clumsy friend literally. and who ended up being more tired than on a workday for me. and she did so cheerily and so lovingly! gah!!huggg!
the ah goonbride signs out.
thank you!!!!!
1)i'm uber unprofessional and i hate posing posing posing. the photographer said that unlike couples who want more more more pictures to milk their money's worth, i'm like 'ok, this is so hard, ok let's go!lament lament''
2)in her words, i'm ''pose like robot'' -stiff.
3)i don't take instructions very well.
eg: from far, "xinying!!show your flowers!!!"
me: "huh?!?!"
isaac behind me "SHOWWW your flowers at her!!"
me (bewildered that they asked me to throw the flowers but willing obeyed' threw the bouquet at the photographer. and hit her face.
photographer: "i'm gg to vomit''
2 interpretations of that line : i'm so exasperated i'm gg to vomit, you hit me so hard i'm gg to vomit (the bouquet has a long hard stick below)
4)you already know this by now...i'm clumsy.
up the stairs: trips and falls X4 among other things.
**
special thanks to calista teo...who went the extra mile for her clumsy friend literally. and who ended up being more tired than on a workday for me. and she did so cheerily and so lovingly! gah!!huggg!
the ah goonbride signs out.
thank you!!!!!
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