pooped.

I don't seem to have energy and time for all that is demanded of me. Various obligations of varying degrees of importance compete for my time and with no hint of recreation/rest in sight, I can't help but feel overwhelmed by dread at the thought of it.

On one hand, I cannot wait for time to accelerate and for 2011 to be done with. However, those who know me that I almost always seem to enter some sort of self-induced crisis mode whenever Christmas or year-end comes around. I get weepy thinking about the year before and am always drunk with the cocktail of trepidation, anticipation and excitement. Then, I'll try anxiously to book any air ticket to try to run away to rearrange and collect my thoughts until God tranquilizes me with His perspective and word.

I miss my friends. For someone who is almost always packed with social activities, I feel terribly alone. I just want to hang out and talk and laugh uproariously with my girls. I realize I only feel safe to be myself with them. 100% raw, sashimi style.

So tired of self-censorship and having to explain in the plainest simplest language what I really think, line by line. I know I'm hard to figure out, tough to accept and just plain strange. These people have the amazing gift of figuring me out without me really saying anything.