Orphan

Met my mum briefly to collect work stuff. I cannot even begin to describe how wretched and sad I feel while walking away. She is her usual self, trying to pretend nothing ever went wrong. I hate that about her but I understand it's her only coping mechanism. I couldn't bring myself to sit down for a drink with her because my emotions might spill over. Even as I walked away, I could barely stop myself from welling up in public and my shades served well to mask my emotions. I just wish she was a mum. She was never ready to be one. Even after 28 years. I wish she knew that I love her.