bad bad review.

i seldom blog like this but today i was infuriated

we went to eat at the mussel guys in vivocity. 45 minutes after ordering, we were still yet to serve our soup. when we checked on our order, the waiter disappeared and came back only to tell us to 'wait'. and this was before after i practically did astar jump to get their attention.

when the soup came, it was bad bad bad. like yuck water.

then after 20 minutes or so, nothing else came. so i told the waiter if the food doesn't come any time like NOW, i'm leaving. so he told me to 'wait'. now i know why he is a waiter.not waitor.

so after a long time, i asked to see the 'manager' and told him i wanted the bill fo rall that i've eaten and i want it 'NOW'. and he said ok...'wait'. then i said, 'no more waiting'.

so a few seconds later, i found myself standing infront of the managing director and i related the whole story to him while he just listened, all the time counting money and then issuing me the bill a few minutes later. he mumbled an apology and when i saw the bill i told him there was no way i was going to pay the 10% service charge. to his credit, he removed that from the bill. still with no apology. so there. good riddance.

don't judge us!!

the 1st xin: hmm maybe my parents should have called me dar..then i'll be dar ling.
-smiles to self-

the other xin: and my parents should called me sai. then i wouldn't be so constipated.

-stops smiling to self-

her surname is Pang.

and He adds on

Isaiah 45: 8

Shower O heavens, from above
and let the clouds rain down righeousness;
let the earth open, that salvation and righteousness may bear fruit
let the earth cause them both to sprout;
I the Lord have created it

Verse 13:

I have stirred him up in righteousness,
and i will make all his ways level
he shall build my city
and set my exiles free
not for price or reward,
says the Lord of Hosts.

the God of small things.

first You wrote my name in the sky with the clouds and watched me grow. The clouds bearing my name got heavier as I grew in You. Then one day, despite my wishes, You rained me down as I was too heavy for the sky that was once my home. I fought but You promised a second return and to watch out for a surprise.

I fell down like blinding rain, onto the cold harsh ground of mud and grime. Little did I know that while I was up there in the clouds, You'd toiled the land and made it fertile and ready for me, to take root in various forms and bud flowers and be exceedingly fruitful.

I seeped into the deep foundations of the earth and hated the mud. I was now a murky brown and there was not a shade of heaven in me. I stayed in the ground grumbling not realizing the magic that was taking place.

and the magic took place. buds formed, flowers bloomed, trees surged towards the heavens. the whole place was now a forest abuzz with life and vitality, echoing Eden, Your original masterpiece.

Soon, i realized You saw a forest in the empty desolation. You who called the light out of the darkness saw the effects tied to the causes. You saw the life in me that I could give to multiply for You. and for that reason, I was rained down that You might harvest the beautiful forest of fine trees clapping their hands at the sound of Your name.

I gladly rejoiced with them but now I'm no more. I've returned home as a vapour and joined the great 'cloud' of witnesses to cheer them on, to run the race not only for the prize.

what i really want now

i just saw the wedding photos of a secondary sch friend and i just cried and cried.I was never close to her so i knew very little and it really isn't about the the skills of the photographer if you know what i mean.

I've seen so many wedding photos and but hers really has a light and a touch of heaven to it. i want mine to be like that too...it's no use getting the best photographer when there are no 'God' moments to capture.

gah. i wish them a lifetime of blessings in Him.

**
i wished i knew how to trust and i wish i could stop myself from wondering how things will ever fall into place.

it's not that i think about it all the time but i try not to think about it a good part of the time and that itself is tiring.

it beats human logic to know how it'll fall into place seamlessly and beautifully when we have such busy schedules and life is sometimes not friendly. but even if it means walking on the tight rope, i'll walk together with him and Him. and really,i do have it all in place. so my motto is: everything is in place as long as you have decided on the groom and the God who will chair the wedding and direct the marriage.

and sometimes the reminder of that alone is enough to remind me how blessed i really am.

this moment, iwish i could accelerate things and fly to dec 27th with him. never mind the frills and the picture perfect settings on the humongous guest list. i think even if it was so simple, as long as its with Him and him, it's more than everything i asked for.

it was never those things that made any wedding beautiful but the couple and the God behind the couple who authored their story. i don't have any grandiose ideas of the perfect wedding or marriage. (infact, many friends are startled at how little i care about these things. so i'll appreciate flower and dress advice!) i'm just thankful it's going to happen ( eeks. that sounded desperate)i'm just glad and all charged up to march into thisnew chapter of our lives as we covenant ourselves together in Him.

after all that we've weatherd and overcome, i'm brimming with excitement to start the new journey. the challenges may have wearied me for agood part and threatened to shipwreck my faith but now i'm good to go, soar and conquer.

it's going to be beautiful i assure you. today we already had one of those 'married fights' on whether to put coconut milk in the curry (i refused to have it added). i don't know what the future holds and sometimes it seems intimidating but i've got a good companion for life who is a soulmate, comrade, believer. and a very faithful God.

and that there'll be two pots of curry, of course.

iron will sharpen iron and sometimes i'll sulk and grouch and God forbid, scream. but we'll work it through like we always did. always will by the sheer grace of God and His wisdom. i've often joked that God gave me a woodblock but how not to when He started of as acarpenter. this is not the end product yet and soemtimes he gives me splinters but i must say 'good job!' to my dear Lord Jesus.

he has been everything i asked for and more.

and for you who is of little faith. do not mourn for isaac. God is not done with me.

cny 2008. a year of firsts and lasts.

This particular CNY was unique for many many reasons.

-my last ang pow-collecting new year. and my relatives didn't fail to remind me that. what surprised me was comments such as ..

"remember to bring baby next year so you can still collect ang pow!" (to which i am thinking, marrying in dec, how to churn out baby by feb?)

am actually quite excited about being able to give ang pows. am ok with the idea and will not be one of those who 'escape' to another country to avoid that. hopefully it stays that way.

-i literally ate round the clock coz i was quite very happy. i even participated in the cooking..

i have the best pineapple tarts in town (from baker's well), i loveee abalone and i have many goodies from isaac's mum.=)

mum made delicious 'b*ddh* jumps over the wa11' (surprise!) but since we're chr157ians, we decided to change the name. (lest i offend when pple randomly google)

and i suggested.. ' b jumps over the wa11 and ended up with many balukus" (if you look at him, you'll understand)

name change of dish however was suspended.

-isaac joining us for like every single reunion meal. we had three... praise God. i thought he nearly couldnt make it. grandparents on all sides were very happy to have extra grandson.

can't imagine what my next cny will be like. tryingto get from place to place to place via public transport. having like the number of places to visit thriple( or more!), preparing ang pows etc.

miss mummy already. i wonder if she'll still let me camp home from time to time...

true success

True success is multi-faceted and carry many dimensions and never just
about one person. And any suggestion that it is mutually exclusive
froma loving God who gave salvation through the death of his only son is
from the jeolous one, who is hungry for company in hell.

If there is only a singular dimension, it is a counterfeit and a false
distraction sent from the epitome of pride himself-satan. It keeps our
eyes on us and never on Him when we see Him, we ride on his strength
and being the loving God that he is with his heart full of mankind, it
will always affect others positively and effect change for good. It will
not compromise the interests of others. It will not devalue the
intrinsic intangible aspects of life such as health,joy,peace of mind.

Do not be deceived in this bottom line driven world. The values that
the world offers is very very inferior. All things are possible thru Him.
You can be a success in every area of life because you were destined
for it by virtue of the cross. Just follow Him.

I want to be successful. I have a huge thirst to be successful and I
know I want nothing less than His best. And I've since learnt that his
idea of success always includes a platform to affect lives for good. For
people to have a chance to meet a dimension of Him. Just as the
nature of the true source of success, remember that success is never one
dimensional.

In short, sucess is never about 'me' but 'we'.

lost a screw

past two weeks have been quite a pain to get through and i'm proud and glad to be here standing with a 'v' victory sign!*glee*

and i've realized that God truly does have a sense of humour coz he made me. i want to be sophisticated and cool and no matter how hard i try, turn out to be the exact opposite.

many of you already know the different shoes on different foot and related sagas. the latest is walking around with a comb in my head. the one time i attempted to comb my hair, i forgot to complete the process.

also, i continue to trip over air amongst other things.

**
belle's going back today. i can't say it's back coz thats not home. at least i don't want her to call it home.

it's far away in some ulu part of melbourne, it's almost part of the wildlife reserve. i get sad thinkingabout her alone in some tiny shoebox living amongst the wild animals. i would be so terrified if i see a butterfly or a spider. but she manages well and even cooks for herself. i am very proud of her. i can always count on her to feed people.

my only regret for her most recent visit back to Sg is that i didn't have time to stingray or crab with her or her family. it is her family who hold (fond)memories of me cleaning the crab out ...every morsel of meat so that the crab doesn't die in vain. and this is the familywho always generously feeds me in times past. i haven't eaten a proper stingray since steve irwin died but too late, stingray buddy has gone back and mei ling is just useless in that aspect coz she clears out the sambal and that is just on fun.

besides, belle actually eats slower than mei ling so i have time to eat my fill. enough said.

but i love mei ling too because she makes me laugh and feel better abt myself. belle has said that she can always count on us to still be able to have room in our stomachs at anytime of the day. and that makes me feelbetter becausei feel like in gluttony, there is mei ling for company.

and yesterday when i lay in bed laughing at myself (another strange self indulgent practice) at the silly things i do, ie. end upwalking in centrepoint with different shoes , a thought of mei ling came and i laughed even harder, all by myself and God. my friends bring so much joy.

she used to give tution to little kids because she is so smart andp atient. then once, after tution, she walked down one level fromthe apartment block to the lift landing only to realize she left her shoes at the student's house. so she was happilybarefoot trotting home.

i love my friends. they make me feel good abt myself in different ways.

*names have not been changed to protect privacy.

oh yes, goodbye ah belle. if financial miracle happens, i'll hop over to see you. if it doesn't, fly back for my wedding. i'll kick and scream like a brat if you don't show.<> sorry i was unable ot make more time this time around but i'm thankful for the times we had. =)

**
also, i learnt to cook one dish. so isaac will not need to go hungry and overdose on msg when we get married but can come home to piping hot home cooked food! he doesn't have to starve!! but he'll just have to learn to cope with eating one dish for the rest of the year (until i pick up another one)and the same girl for the rest of his life.

for this i can only exhort him to hold on to the word of God and be strengthened by the might of the Holy Spirit.

"call upon me in the day of trouble and i will deliver you"
"my grace is sufficient for you"

and in conjunction with the latest season of American idol, i conclude by being seacresty...

"OUT!"

Babybjörn Pingpong

my world is too big

i have bever been a good planner. i have never successfully hosted a party or even planned a day well. i'm impatient and i'm the kind who settles for the first possible vendor. not scout around for the best. i just want chop chop fast fast. and i'm being bombarded by suggestions left right center. and i just came back from KL. for once, i'd like to remain in kl.

and now i have to plan the single most important event in my life and it's very very scary.

i wanted a lunch reception buffet thingy and i thought it'll be a small cosy affair that requires coordination not months of meticulous planning. my family assured me that with just less than 10 cousins in total from BOTH sides, things shdbe kept relativelysmall. but small is relative. because apparently i have a lot of relatives (pun fully intended). latest count is *drumrolls* : 250 and counting.

i may have less than 10 first cousins but half of singapore is a 2nd cousin. then we must also adopt a global view and not just invite relatives who are in singaore. but from overseas. *Faints*.

but mum is very reassuring "no problem, still small enough tohave buffet"

so dear folks, i'm going to set the record for the world's longest buffet line at this rate. don't think church camp. think guiness records..because isaac has 10 uncles and aunties on just ONE side and they all have a few chidren each.

maybe i shd make it potluck.

dust

it's 6.17 am and i've been awake for an hour because of a throat infection. it feels like blades in my throat and i'm in great pain. am upset because i feel mocked and defeated. but i'm going to press on for victory and i know it's a matter of time my God does more than silence my oppressors.

on a separate note, i don't know if this is anything close to a quarter-life crisis but when i do a headcount of the people i love and share a deep affinity with, the numbers keep dwindling. and upon that revelation, i get very very sad.

granted, there is more quality gained than quantity lost but i can't help but still ache somewhat. i've been told that this is a natural passage of life as 'people come and go' . if this is true, i'm not getting used to it and i find it so hard to accept.

these days,i'm getting messages from people that i used to be so close to whether in childhood, adolescence or young adulthood that are so indicative of the fact that yes, we've grown apart and yes, it was so good, yes, i missed those times but i'm too lazy to update you about my life. one recently said 'thank you for the childhood memories'. another reaffirmed that i was still cared for and remembered (somewhat) in a special way. everything in past tense. bah!

i don't even know howto feel and vascillate between being comforted that i have the assurance that i was (note: past tense) an integral part in their lives and heartache knowing that these people who shared so much of my life with are now gone.

when these things come all at the same time, i get very very weighed down. i can't help but feel so ...discarded. i understand the demands of our lives and time and that meeting up frequently is impossible. and i'm not asking to be best friends again but what i'd appreciate is that a little update on the impt events in ur life. just so there is a semblance of keeping in touch.yes, all to assuage my insecurity and neuroticsm

perhaps they don't know i still care.

God has a sense of humour...

when He made us friends and now colleagues. it's like sense and no sensibility. obviously i'm sense.

so while pondering about what we should dress up for the company d&d....(btw, the theme is movie night or something like that)

me: let's dress up as characters from...
together: mulan/moulin rouge!!

clearly, despite the same pronunciations for the first word, it's very very far apart lah. it's east and west and they just refuse to meet. you must have a mental image of the whole situation to understand the hilarity of it.

we threw out ideas of being mushu coz its dragon which is super unheavenly creature.(unlike unicorn) and toyed with the idea of being a horse...(the one that mulan takes to battle)..ieshe can be the back of the horse and i'll be the front etc etc.

i hate to say this but i think moulin rouge is more feasible, achievable and we'll eventually end up going with her idea.

*hmphs*

Incase you're wondering..

i survived it. i'm still here.

i'm inhaling in 2008 and exhaled 2007 successfully. i still can't believe it was over. it's so surreal.

it's like the feeling i get when i board a plane. because i lose my bearings mid air and the clouds give no indication to where i really am and neither the plane gives any indication that i'm actually moving FORWARD, i feel so weird when i land on foreign soil and find myself in another timezone.

gulp.

Clay Aiken-Everything i have

The thing about this song is that it doesn't profess vain love with vain grandiose promises but a simple faith that whatever is available is yours.

I feel like I never measure up to who you see
Sometimes I think I can't give you all the love you need
You keep changing everyday
Amazing me in everyway.

If I could be the perfect man in your eyes
I would give all I'm worth to be a part of your life
I could promise the world but it's out of my hands
I can only give you everything I have
I never dreamed I could ever feel the way I do
I hope and pray I will always be enough for you
I can only do my best
I have to trust you with the rest
I promise I will hold you through the changes and fears
When life seems unclear
And when I can't be right there with youI know there's angels by your side

crossing over

2007 attests greatly to His faithfulness. but i'm ready to bid it farewell.

i didn't think i'd have survived it.

2008 will bear fruition to all the prayers sowed in 2007, testifying to His eternal goodness and faithfulness.

Faithfulness now takes on a new dimension to me. In the past, it has to be the result of constant breakthroughs as and when i wanted them, according to MY timing. today, faithfulness is an undying devotion to me inspite of me. Faithfulness is standing by me, not forsaking me and proving Himself true to me. and i finally learnt that the breakthroughs are only but a by-product and not the epitome of faithfulness.

and i learnt to bide His time, discern His seasons appointed for my life. and that no vain effort of mine shall prevail against His when i live in complete surrender. i can confess and proclaim all i want but if its not time, its not time. and He knows best when to bring about the plans to fruition. I can plan all i want but it'll all be in futility. the best course of action that i've since learnt is to throw it all into His hands and live with all abandon in pure undiluted trust.

i've found myself at places with people that didn't seem right and resisted it with all my might only to realize it is His will and there was a purpose to be accomplished, something good for me to uncover, a special reward from Him awaiting. have been so deceived by what I see i nearly missed out on His plans for me.

i'm ready for 2008. i'm not hiding under my bed this time but i'll be ushering the new year in with my arms raised in thanksgiving and praise. it's been often said that we should count our blessings. i can't do that when i'm enraptured by Him and enveloped in the essence of Him.

i don't know what 2008 spells. for the world, for me. and the only confidence i have is that He'll be there with me and isaac. and that's enough for us.

who remembers this?vitamin C- graduation song (friends forever)

I don't know why this is here. please don't shoot me especially for those of you who are age-sensitive. it's funny and cute and it got me smiling (yes, to myself)


it's almost 2008. listen to this and go back to 1999 for awhile and reflect abit. laugh and have a happy new year!

Here are the lyrics:

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25

(*GAH IT'S NEXT YEAR)
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of the night in June
I Didn't know much of love, but it came too soon
And There was me and you, and then it got real blue
Stay at home talkin' on the telephone and
We would get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at our selves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

Chorus:
As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change, from whatever
We will still be, friends forever

So if we get the big jobs and we make the big money
When we look back now, will that joke still be funny?

*(Re: fortune cookie joke)
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

*Repeat chorus*

La, la, la, la; yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la, we will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there? Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

merry christmas

the parallels are so uncanny. life has a way of being unoriginal and replaying part of yesterday's scripts in today's scene.

i despise that. i want a fresh new reason to know why inspite of the different factors, the outcome is still the same. i don't want a recycled jumble of excuses to spell my verdict. i'm more than that and i've refuted the same reasons before.

it's finally christmas. christmas this year must be the hardest to reach ever. usually it just flies by and plops me there on christmas morning. this year, i trudged through mountains and crossed plains to reach here only to realise that when you take out of Christmas, which i did because i was so caught up with everything else, that it is really an empty meaningless excuse to be home.

i feel like my heart is worn out by weariness and i marvel at how i'm still here. my soul is so shredded by setbacks and empty words that i'm just ready to collapse and once again, take the first flight out at the earliest notice.

i'm tempted to blame me again but today i see another side of the picture. that not everything is about me, even the problems. and strangely inspite of the problems and the lack of resolution, i feel a deep relief that is just exhilarating. like i've been set free from an inner prison.

entertaining random thoughts to go and be God's lone-ranger warrior princess. the only claim i have to this island is now all but a pink identity card. a faded card. my ties are cut so loose i'm ready to fly. i'm all for flying but only with the purpose of finding somewhere to call home, take root and settle. not fly around aimlessly. i want meaning. i don't want this going around in circles of head any step more in this journey to nowhere. i want a destination. life might be about enjoying the journey but i need more than a pitstop. and if i can't find my way home, i want to make a home.

and home should be where i'm appreciated, celebrated and welcomed. i have a vague idea of what that is. i've had it.

21st december

21st december
this day holds a lot to me. nothing special or spectacular but many years ago, i decided that the sound of 'twenty first' goes well with the sound of 'december' on my tongue and decided to 'adopt' the day .

so, since 2000, i tried to make the day special for me. from planning parties that flopped big time to just having precious 'me' time or 'us' time, i always tried. I also take time to do a yearly inventory check on my life on this day. to me, this is the point in the roller-coaster ride that you hang vicariously on top before you roll downwards at superfast speed and end the ride. The ensuing 11 days before the year ends will fly by and i'll find myself at the start of the queue all over again, waiting to start a new ride.

this year i didn't expect it so spend it like this. for the uninitiated, i've had a week of MC. don't feel sorry for me because good came out of it. although i felt drained and its been said that theres not a hint of color in my face and i was literally gasping for breath, God had me. i was God's captive audience and He had my full attention. whether i was concious /unconcious, i pretty much spent it in bed. a short walk from room to kitchen left me quite breathless. apart from going to the doc's, i haven't been out of the house since sunday. today i tried to get some fresh air and sun..and i returned green in the face.

yes, 21st december. 2007 has brought me to places i've never been and could never imagine being. i don't know how and when exactly it happened but i found myself here and i'm thankful.i know 2008 holds so much more and i'm excited but scared that i'm not ready for it. that it'll be too much for me. i'll need so much more wisdom (from managing my time, relationships, money and health).i'll need to know so much more, learn even more at a faster rate and when the world is in a whirl, i gotta close my eyes and allow myself to be teleported to his heavenly throne to find grace in time of need.

this year, i've taken the plunge from heights i've never ventured and found myself soaring on His wings, taking me further into the sun. i've had my disappointments, pains and by God's grace moved on. i've allowed myself to die manytimes more than any other year, to my own ambitions, my own inhibitions and my own rights.

most of all i confronted the reality that i lived 24 years. and i'm ready to emerge from His quiver and head for the bull's eye. the sharpening has been painful and long but now i'm good to go. my heavy weights that tie me down to lesser things are dropped and i'm good to go.

last night i had a dream and i was young again, a sprightly (stupid) teenager again at the threshold of her life. i struggled again, laughed again, loved again, squealed again. then i woke up to being 24 and i realized that i can stop blaming me. that even though empowered with the prerogative of history, i couldn't stop myself from going through that journey and making those specific choices i often count as regret.

given that level of wisdom at that time, i did the best i could. maybe the journey was ordained- but this i can't verify until the last day. whatever it is, now i can heave a sigh of relief and be at peace with myself. coz i revisited the 'me' then, had a chance to do it all over again and didn't do it differently because apart from God, i just didn't know better.

i suspect God allowed that dream for me to reconcile with 'me'. so that i'll be less harsh on my foolishness and see that inspite and despite, He prevailed as the Saviour, master and nothing, not even my foolishness can interfere with His plan for my life

postponed, indelible.

i can almost see 2008. i promised myself to savour the last bits of 2007. i think i have to change that to savour the last weekends of 2007. at least unlike previous job, i don't have to work on weekends.

was telling the favourite colleague that i need a break and will probably take some leave to have some 'me' time in Jan. either just a breather to recharge or duck away for a quick holiday. don't ask me why i said 'duck away'. same reason why i call nutcases nutcrackers.

then over the course of the TWO ensuing days after the 'i need a break' comment, i have had emails/phonecall and various other miscelleneous stuff falling from god-knows-where and locking dates into my 2008 JANUARY calendar.

now, i can't find a decent empty pocket of time to take a break.

next break scheduled: march 2008.
**

as it is, i'm already anti-social and reclusive. lately, i've been reminded of many unpleasant 'people' experiences and i just suddenly want to retreat from civilization.

it's been said too often to not place your expectations of people but on God. coz He's the only one that can't fail you and don't be too surprised when people do. but who on this earth can simply have no expectations ?nothing minimal?

i'm guilty of failing too many expectations myself. in every role.

ie. you'd expect that friend to care. that friend to stay in touch. that friend to ask. that friend to remember and that friend to not break a promise.

and it doesn't happen. and then you wonder why and conjure up all sorts of reasons to explain it. and the only time you stop wondering is when you have 1)amnesia 2) you've written the person off and lost all hope.

i don't want to be a cynic. i just want the peace of mind knowing that yes, while i might feature no where in your life anymore or have a reduced importance, we had glorious days of fun and laughter. and be grateful for your presence in my life, albeit in a history that can only be accessed by memory. therefore, no mind games to wonder why 1) i had to hear about your wedding when your mother invited through my mother. 2) you are aloof 3) you don't bother 4) when i realized that i never realized that a year into the 'new' phone, i still don't have your number.

your future and present will not feature me. and i don't even have the honor of an eulogy to be marked in your hall of fame. but my name, it'll be there when the credits roll. i will be the artefact of a history that is celebrated but uncontactable. an indelible memory. unless alzheimer/amnesia strikes. (hurhur)

it doesn't take physical death to bid farewell. its the unsaid goodbyes that are truly tragic. whether it's a missed opportunity or completely unrealized. relationships transcend beyond time and space and even death. it's the demise of a friendship that was once so glorious and the divorce of knitted souls that require true mourning. and yet nobody ever does, even when resurrection is not a promise.

Star awards 25th year.

my mum is expressing deep regret for making me learn piano when i had clearly zero interest instead of singing. because while watching some star awards show, she just realized that i can sing themesongs of drama serials as far back as 1984.i cannot be more than a year old then.i remember EVERY single line of the lyrics. (somewhat) i also don't know how.

so, if anyone wants to duet the Unbeatables (FIRST INSTALMENT ONLY), you know the number.

**

i seem to be echoing another friend but i'm very tired. i can't even see the soonest possible time i can actually take a break.

and i still struggle with pretty much the same problems with work thoughts haunting me through what's supposed to be my sleeping hours.

am most desperate for a break. for a breakthrough.

i don't know how much of this i can take.