i was uglier, skinnier, gawkier, nerdier and gigglier.
but i was also happier.
life was simpler.
can you really blame me for getting abit stuck on the 'best days of my life'?
i'm not stuck in the past. believe me, i'm really in the present.
that's why i've stopped laughing.
'Best days', its been awhile since we met. last week, i briefly caught you but you slipped right out of my fingers like sand.
i'm not sad now. i'm just temporarily melancholic. it'll pass.
the telegram you sent me left a rancid taste in my being. i've never tasted the sweetness you once gave, again. when i saw you, i thought, 'ah, that's it all over again' but this time it left a very strange after taste. like hard liquor.
we danced on cloud 9 everyday. i was so happy at the now defunct lips cafe. lido, cineleisure, taka square, we personalized those places. they belonged to us.
those were the days my hip bones protruded at the side and people marvel that they can count my ribs. my hide has since gotten thicker since you left. my hair's gotten way longer. i even pierced my years.
i met 'grow up'.
'grow up' made me meet 'get tough'. then i was further introduced to 'get tougher'. it didn't happen overnight. my tears were left undried. my wounds were left unmended. there are calluses on my heart and i have so many unanswered questions. my once incessant laughter abated. instead of laugh lines, i now have fine lines under my eyes.
i didn't think we were foolish. it was innocence that prevailed. we encountered grief and misery, angst and melancholy but there was always love and strength to see us through. we saw each other everyday and that alone was mighty consolaton.
so when i thought i saw you that day, my heart skipped a beat with excitement. you turned briefly with your back still facing me. i wanted to call out to you but you kept walking away. and you told me with tears in your eyes, as if you knew everything that transpired within the last 10 years, that we'll meet again, in the future.
likewise, i'll turn my back and walk the other way, towards future. so i'll find you there again.
see you soon.
"...forgetting those things that are behind and reaching forwaqrd to those thngs which are ahead."
Phil 3.13
Apostle Paul
Monday, June 01, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
can't wait.
daddy's going to atlanta on sat.
mei ling's going to cambodia on the same day.
=(
can't wait for malacca/australia. both jesus infused themed-trips.
mei ling's going to cambodia on the same day.
=(
can't wait for malacca/australia. both jesus infused themed-trips.
Monday, May 25, 2009
i might be the girl the star fell on.
destiny.
I know its there and more real to me than it ever was say 10 years ago. it has to be a greatness that I can't even dream about. that encapsulates every atom in my being. that can only be Him.
we were truly born for such a time as this. not to luxuriate in all that this world currently offers on a slashed price tag but so much more. to saltify and light up a world in deep peril, at the small window and threshold where His light can still shine before another ruler enforces his throne.
I cannot just sit around to wait for another weekend and to not make each minute count. Im a warrior and a bride and both takes plenty of preparation. it just was never meant to be so easy. The vision burns too brightly for me to look the other way and besides, looking the other way would really kill me. I was born to be this and trying to brush it off would be a gross injustice to the Master who carefully designed me for the said purpose. Sometimes, the hurts and discouragements of life set me back so much I can barely move an inch. But then You happened.
my destiny is bigger than my business. my family. its bigger than me. its tied to so many others i can't afford to be held back by petty griefs incurred because of offenses. the lord almost assured in His word that there will be offense. thanks to you , my sin will be as grave as yours if i chose to ruin in and let my flesh execute vengeance. but He cried mercy even for those far more savage. and ever since He began his ministry, he is all about redemption and then....*drumroll*, he happens to live in me. its a difficult difficult choice. its like dying and I need so much wisdom and grace to get through it. to will to forgive, to lay off the debt and injustice. but my destiny is at stake and I know I wouldn't have it any other way. God can do without me anytime of the day and my part toplay might be considered small in the light of eternity and all the others who have gone before me. but small as mymantle may be, its mine. and if its done for Him, i know its worth it.
I was really inspired by what was shared in the church bulletin which was an exerpt from Lance Wallnau's article. Love to share it with you all.
"The West Point Corp of Cadets, class of 1915 was no different from any other cohort until the nation entered into its hour fo crisis. Suddenly, a class of ordinary students, captured in a crucible of history, was transformed into company of statesmen and warrirors, set apart by God to save their nation and the rst of the world from the tyranny of ruthless dictators. This particular West Point class of 1915 is famously called :' The Class the Stars Fell On'.The demands placed upon this class for leadership was without precedent. After graduating, the class of 164 cadets saw more than a third of the class promoted to the rank of General. Actually, 59 in all-24 Brigadier Generals, 24 Major Generals, 7 Lt Generals, 2 Generals with 4 star, and 2 Generals with 5 star'."
I know its there and more real to me than it ever was say 10 years ago. it has to be a greatness that I can't even dream about. that encapsulates every atom in my being. that can only be Him.
we were truly born for such a time as this. not to luxuriate in all that this world currently offers on a slashed price tag but so much more. to saltify and light up a world in deep peril, at the small window and threshold where His light can still shine before another ruler enforces his throne.
I cannot just sit around to wait for another weekend and to not make each minute count. Im a warrior and a bride and both takes plenty of preparation. it just was never meant to be so easy. The vision burns too brightly for me to look the other way and besides, looking the other way would really kill me. I was born to be this and trying to brush it off would be a gross injustice to the Master who carefully designed me for the said purpose. Sometimes, the hurts and discouragements of life set me back so much I can barely move an inch. But then You happened.
my destiny is bigger than my business. my family. its bigger than me. its tied to so many others i can't afford to be held back by petty griefs incurred because of offenses. the lord almost assured in His word that there will be offense. thanks to you , my sin will be as grave as yours if i chose to ruin in and let my flesh execute vengeance. but He cried mercy even for those far more savage. and ever since He began his ministry, he is all about redemption and then....*drumroll*, he happens to live in me. its a difficult difficult choice. its like dying and I need so much wisdom and grace to get through it. to will to forgive, to lay off the debt and injustice. but my destiny is at stake and I know I wouldn't have it any other way. God can do without me anytime of the day and my part toplay might be considered small in the light of eternity and all the others who have gone before me. but small as mymantle may be, its mine. and if its done for Him, i know its worth it.
I was really inspired by what was shared in the church bulletin which was an exerpt from Lance Wallnau's article. Love to share it with you all.
"The West Point Corp of Cadets, class of 1915 was no different from any other cohort until the nation entered into its hour fo crisis. Suddenly, a class of ordinary students, captured in a crucible of history, was transformed into company of statesmen and warrirors, set apart by God to save their nation and the rst of the world from the tyranny of ruthless dictators. This particular West Point class of 1915 is famously called :' The Class the Stars Fell On'.The demands placed upon this class for leadership was without precedent. After graduating, the class of 164 cadets saw more than a third of the class promoted to the rank of General. Actually, 59 in all-24 Brigadier Generals, 24 Major Generals, 7 Lt Generals, 2 Generals with 4 star, and 2 Generals with 5 star'."
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Isaac vs Paris
and Isaac wins. (I think )
yesterday he asked me if i would take up a trip for an all expenses paid (including shopping) trip to say somewhere like Paris if he couldn't make it. if it was somewhere like Asia, i might give it a pass more readily.
i vehemently said no at first. if Paul Mccartney didn't spend a single day apart from Linda during their 30 + years marriage, I just don't see why I should. I mean, the thought of spending 3 days away from him in Sydney is already quite unbearable as yet. I would like to think myself as rather independent. as in even though i'm not blessed with a great inate sense of direction, i somehow can survive, find food and lodging and manage in a foreign city alone. (read: how i found first aid when there's none with a sanitary pad)
then when he said 'are you sure?even with unlimited shopping?" and i felt my 'no's waning in gusto.
but the verdict is, no one is banging down my door to offer me the above so i don't have to mull too much over it. YET.
but its really so hard to be apart. its like sometimes we overdose on each other and I can't wait to get a breather and miss the days i've got SPACE on my own apart from him, especially when we annoy each other. but the moment we're apart, i feel like i can quite die from lovesickness. and even though i always survive, the cliche stands true: absence does make the heart grow fonder.
most of the time, i think, we spend a good amount of time falling in love with each other over and over again. its not like we don't have our epic fights that threaten so much in this still young marriage but deep deep down , there is that unshakeable, precious bond that irrevocably binds us together . and He gives us enough grace to forgive, enough love to soothe away the hurts and harsh words every single time.
i hate to quote someone like meredith grey but i like her answer when Mcdreamy asked her what she would like in her vows -"promose to love me even when you hate me".
i just want to cherish and be faithful to all that He has given me and the vows that bind me. to love him well and serve him well. i've been loved with something so divine and i don't want to give any less. he is the treasure that God has given me and the vessel through which God has chosen to love me. imperfect as he is, i just want to give more and let Him always love him through me.
yesterday he asked me if i would take up a trip for an all expenses paid (including shopping) trip to say somewhere like Paris if he couldn't make it. if it was somewhere like Asia, i might give it a pass more readily.
i vehemently said no at first. if Paul Mccartney didn't spend a single day apart from Linda during their 30 + years marriage, I just don't see why I should. I mean, the thought of spending 3 days away from him in Sydney is already quite unbearable as yet. I would like to think myself as rather independent. as in even though i'm not blessed with a great inate sense of direction, i somehow can survive, find food and lodging and manage in a foreign city alone. (read: how i found first aid when there's none with a sanitary pad)
then when he said 'are you sure?even with unlimited shopping?" and i felt my 'no's waning in gusto.
but the verdict is, no one is banging down my door to offer me the above so i don't have to mull too much over it. YET.
but its really so hard to be apart. its like sometimes we overdose on each other and I can't wait to get a breather and miss the days i've got SPACE on my own apart from him, especially when we annoy each other. but the moment we're apart, i feel like i can quite die from lovesickness. and even though i always survive, the cliche stands true: absence does make the heart grow fonder.
most of the time, i think, we spend a good amount of time falling in love with each other over and over again. its not like we don't have our epic fights that threaten so much in this still young marriage but deep deep down , there is that unshakeable, precious bond that irrevocably binds us together . and He gives us enough grace to forgive, enough love to soothe away the hurts and harsh words every single time.
i hate to quote someone like meredith grey but i like her answer when Mcdreamy asked her what she would like in her vows -"promose to love me even when you hate me".
i just want to cherish and be faithful to all that He has given me and the vows that bind me. to love him well and serve him well. i've been loved with something so divine and i don't want to give any less. he is the treasure that God has given me and the vessel through which God has chosen to love me. imperfect as he is, i just want to give more and let Him always love him through me.
Monday, May 18, 2009
unrestable.
Flowchart
1)flu like symptoms
2) stomach flu like symptoms
course of action then: ignore.
symtoms proceed to get better. with a residue of cough etc.
3)flu seems to return with a vengeance.
complete with incessant sweat even at 20 deg, blocked nose and cough.
so the sinseh said i'm too week. not enough qi.
need to nourish badly.
faint.
12 packets of bitter bitter medicine later, i am semi recovering. and i know i am unrestable until some foreign ang moh medicine knocks me out for like 14 hours straight.
=|
1)flu like symptoms
2) stomach flu like symptoms
course of action then: ignore.
symtoms proceed to get better. with a residue of cough etc.
3)flu seems to return with a vengeance.
complete with incessant sweat even at 20 deg, blocked nose and cough.
so the sinseh said i'm too week. not enough qi.
need to nourish badly.
faint.
12 packets of bitter bitter medicine later, i am semi recovering. and i know i am unrestable until some foreign ang moh medicine knocks me out for like 14 hours straight.
=|
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Marriage
It's almost 6 mths since we said our vows and signed away our lives to one another. despite having dated for 5.5 years prior to marriage, which i thought was a pretty long period, i am still discovering new things about him.
the first few months were like an orientation on how to live with caveman. its like a trip to somewhere quite as ulu as new guinea so that you can experience the wildlife and encounter God. the latter was good but the former nearly drove me insane. i'm an urbanite living in the 21st century. its like kate meets leopold (somewhat).
our long time habits also proved to be a point of contention that sparked off some fireworks (to put it VERY lightly). i don't understand why he must leave all the cupboard doors open after he takes his clothes. so imagine my horror to find drawers/cupboard doors etc open when i wake up in the morning. its like my house was ransacked! maybe God was testing my patience and love while Isaac tries to get into Narnia.
(if it happens, i'll begin course on Narnia 1101. at least it helps me to beat the heat in way too sunny singapore.)
our bed sharing habits also leave much to be desired. to his credit, he is not as bad as me although quite bad in his own right. since we have a king sized bed, i have tendencies to roll and do a popiah in my sleep.
one night after maybe just two rolls or so, i briefly opened my eyes in my stupour and found an empty spot on a pillow. so i laid my head to rest and slept relatively peacefully before i began the next roll. so in the morning, when i tried to roll again in the same direction, i was awakened by a yelp. for some reason, despite the no lack of space, we were both sharing the same pillow and the same little space and i hadcollided into him while trying to begin a roll again! sigh.
on a better note, i really like to watch him sleep. its like a comedy altogether watching him dig his nose in his sleep etc. sometimes he smiles in his sleep and presses both his hands together and puts them under his ear while sleeping on his side, like a child. how cute! then i cannot resist and i will try to kiss him while he is asleep and he will instinctively suddenly 1)flip over or 2)use his hand to brush me away. thankfully, i've mastered the art of ducking and injuries have been significantly reduced since the first month.
i entertain occasional thoughts about filming/photographing him in his sleep and posting them on facebook. but i don't think he'll appreciate it. so i ditched that thought.
so there, there's marriage 1101 documented for my children to read about. for me, it was like learning to live with a godly caveman. and for all its worth, its been wonderful.
the first few months were like an orientation on how to live with caveman. its like a trip to somewhere quite as ulu as new guinea so that you can experience the wildlife and encounter God. the latter was good but the former nearly drove me insane. i'm an urbanite living in the 21st century. its like kate meets leopold (somewhat).
our long time habits also proved to be a point of contention that sparked off some fireworks (to put it VERY lightly). i don't understand why he must leave all the cupboard doors open after he takes his clothes. so imagine my horror to find drawers/cupboard doors etc open when i wake up in the morning. its like my house was ransacked! maybe God was testing my patience and love while Isaac tries to get into Narnia.
(if it happens, i'll begin course on Narnia 1101. at least it helps me to beat the heat in way too sunny singapore.)
our bed sharing habits also leave much to be desired. to his credit, he is not as bad as me although quite bad in his own right. since we have a king sized bed, i have tendencies to roll and do a popiah in my sleep.
one night after maybe just two rolls or so, i briefly opened my eyes in my stupour and found an empty spot on a pillow. so i laid my head to rest and slept relatively peacefully before i began the next roll. so in the morning, when i tried to roll again in the same direction, i was awakened by a yelp. for some reason, despite the no lack of space, we were both sharing the same pillow and the same little space and i hadcollided into him while trying to begin a roll again! sigh.
on a better note, i really like to watch him sleep. its like a comedy altogether watching him dig his nose in his sleep etc. sometimes he smiles in his sleep and presses both his hands together and puts them under his ear while sleeping on his side, like a child. how cute! then i cannot resist and i will try to kiss him while he is asleep and he will instinctively suddenly 1)flip over or 2)use his hand to brush me away. thankfully, i've mastered the art of ducking and injuries have been significantly reduced since the first month.
i entertain occasional thoughts about filming/photographing him in his sleep and posting them on facebook. but i don't think he'll appreciate it. so i ditched that thought.
so there, there's marriage 1101 documented for my children to read about. for me, it was like learning to live with a godly caveman. and for all its worth, its been wonderful.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
i dreamt a little dream
and woke up. thus explaining this 6.27 am post. i just couldn't get back to sleep.
i know the peranakan mania is over now that the little nonya has ended its run and it is for me too (even though i have tickets to the upcoming peranakan ball), so i really have no clue why i had this dream.
but it was so real (as with most other dreams) but it kept me awake long after its over. SIGH. i hope i don't fall asleep in church later.
i think what kept me awake was a mixture of pure relief and heartache.
for some reason, i was having a 'yueniang' moment and i had to watch my beloved chen xi fall in love with someone else and we can't be together because i said so and he moved on to marry someone else.
it was soooo painful and i cried and ached. the pain was so palpable it was like a shot of poison through my veins, rendering every nerve to violently convulse as it absorbs the pain of loss.
then i woke up to see my beloved lying still so sweetly beside me and i took a few moments just to watch him. hair all poofy and sleep digging his nose. i hope i can live to see this everyday. and i'll be really contented. i think the greatest pain is to lose the one you love the most.
and everytime i ponder about it, i cannot imagine how my Lord can ever recover from having to be eternally estranged and separated by the ones he loved so much he gave his life. and that makes me weep and endeavour to somewhat lessen that pain by praying/ushering my souls His way while I am on earth.
Joel 3.14
Multitudes, multitudes
in the valley of decision
for the day of the Lord is near
in the valley of decision.
i know the peranakan mania is over now that the little nonya has ended its run and it is for me too (even though i have tickets to the upcoming peranakan ball), so i really have no clue why i had this dream.
but it was so real (as with most other dreams) but it kept me awake long after its over. SIGH. i hope i don't fall asleep in church later.
i think what kept me awake was a mixture of pure relief and heartache.
for some reason, i was having a 'yueniang' moment and i had to watch my beloved chen xi fall in love with someone else and we can't be together because i said so and he moved on to marry someone else.
it was soooo painful and i cried and ached. the pain was so palpable it was like a shot of poison through my veins, rendering every nerve to violently convulse as it absorbs the pain of loss.
then i woke up to see my beloved lying still so sweetly beside me and i took a few moments just to watch him. hair all poofy and sleep digging his nose. i hope i can live to see this everyday. and i'll be really contented. i think the greatest pain is to lose the one you love the most.
and everytime i ponder about it, i cannot imagine how my Lord can ever recover from having to be eternally estranged and separated by the ones he loved so much he gave his life. and that makes me weep and endeavour to somewhat lessen that pain by praying/ushering my souls His way while I am on earth.
Joel 3.14
Multitudes, multitudes
in the valley of decision
for the day of the Lord is near
in the valley of decision.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
back from AWOL
-blows dust off neglected blog-
been meaning to document my thoughts but i kept forgetting.
keynot eevents in the past months include:
-semi breakthrough in the still one-girl show business.
-backaches due to coolie shifts
-appearing like a nut on national tv.
lately the perennial theme on my mind is 'letting go'. in retrospect, i have had to let go of a few dreams (which are the most painful), some people, tangible and intangible objects alike that i have held closely to my heart.
the pain can range from 6-100 on the excruciating scale of 10 but when you have to, there are no buts to it. hoarding stuff that you no longer have room for will damage the ecosystem of your brain. the hardest part is releasing it despite knowing the pain it will result in but for the greater good, do so anyway.
which also reminds me of Jesus in the garden of Gethsmane before he made his long hike up to the cross. ''nonetheless not my will but yours be done''. oh gosh, i can almost weep again when i hear that. and that also brings home the comfort knowing that nothing i've had to let go can equal what he did and find joy in that he gained so much more. ie. ME.
**
yesterday, i learnt that a cambodian taxi driver makes less than usd $4 a day after liek 12 hours of work. while buying an ipod for Isaac, and carrying shopping bags, I found out through a conversation that the sales personnel that was serving me at the epicentre orchard had to drop out of school because of financial reasons. at that moment, i recoiled and suddenly felt embarassed that while he was denied an education that i so took for granted for, i was also carrying shopping bags in the middle of the day in orchard while he is struggling to support a family after the demise of what i guess would have been the original breadwinner.
i am almost embarassed by the excesses of life and raged by the hedonism of the society i live in. if i could, i'd have offered him a scholarship but i couldn't. but whatever it was, i was in such a helpless situation being unable to help him. the few hundred dollars in my wallet won't help (much). the credit cards, membership cards to retailers from ntuc-just about every department store lining orchard road won't help either. i have nothing in my bag that can help him. i can't even donate the ipod i just bought. it means nothing to him. i was sad to learn, i was no doraemon and he is going to remain this way until my prayers for him are answered.
i scarcely know what its like to be poor. but my closest encounter which is the leap of faith we took earlier this year which left us with a young business, and just one income made me feel so miserable already. i wanted to cry for various reasons: because of the sacrifices he has had to make given his youth and because i'm such an incorrigible brat.
i took that encounter home with a heavy heart onlyto meet with more devastating news. when will He come back and His kingdom be enforced? there is so much pain and grief i can't alleviate on my own. i can't wait to take up my place in this grand plan of His..run, fight and most importantly, finish well.
been meaning to document my thoughts but i kept forgetting.
keynot eevents in the past months include:
-semi breakthrough in the still one-girl show business.
-backaches due to coolie shifts
-appearing like a nut on national tv.
lately the perennial theme on my mind is 'letting go'. in retrospect, i have had to let go of a few dreams (which are the most painful), some people, tangible and intangible objects alike that i have held closely to my heart.
the pain can range from 6-100 on the excruciating scale of 10 but when you have to, there are no buts to it. hoarding stuff that you no longer have room for will damage the ecosystem of your brain. the hardest part is releasing it despite knowing the pain it will result in but for the greater good, do so anyway.
which also reminds me of Jesus in the garden of Gethsmane before he made his long hike up to the cross. ''nonetheless not my will but yours be done''. oh gosh, i can almost weep again when i hear that. and that also brings home the comfort knowing that nothing i've had to let go can equal what he did and find joy in that he gained so much more. ie. ME.
**
yesterday, i learnt that a cambodian taxi driver makes less than usd $4 a day after liek 12 hours of work. while buying an ipod for Isaac, and carrying shopping bags, I found out through a conversation that the sales personnel that was serving me at the epicentre orchard had to drop out of school because of financial reasons. at that moment, i recoiled and suddenly felt embarassed that while he was denied an education that i so took for granted for, i was also carrying shopping bags in the middle of the day in orchard while he is struggling to support a family after the demise of what i guess would have been the original breadwinner.
i am almost embarassed by the excesses of life and raged by the hedonism of the society i live in. if i could, i'd have offered him a scholarship but i couldn't. but whatever it was, i was in such a helpless situation being unable to help him. the few hundred dollars in my wallet won't help (much). the credit cards, membership cards to retailers from ntuc-just about every department store lining orchard road won't help either. i have nothing in my bag that can help him. i can't even donate the ipod i just bought. it means nothing to him. i was sad to learn, i was no doraemon and he is going to remain this way until my prayers for him are answered.
i scarcely know what its like to be poor. but my closest encounter which is the leap of faith we took earlier this year which left us with a young business, and just one income made me feel so miserable already. i wanted to cry for various reasons: because of the sacrifices he has had to make given his youth and because i'm such an incorrigible brat.
i took that encounter home with a heavy heart onlyto meet with more devastating news. when will He come back and His kingdom be enforced? there is so much pain and grief i can't alleviate on my own. i can't wait to take up my place in this grand plan of His..run, fight and most importantly, finish well.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
breaking the silence
i think the last weekend was such a surprising welcome respite from the dark. Praise God.
on Friday, I managed to drag myself to church to attnd Benny Ho's sermon at church. This is a revolutionary guy who echoes my sentiments and visions in many ways. I left with my heart searing with hope again and glad our paths coverge, albeit briefly.
Saturday saw us (zac and me) trying to do housework. He fixed me a delicious breakfast of scrambled eggs, ham etc and we proceeded to clean the house and do laundry. The highlight is really trying to rollerblade which failed miserably because I was so scared which resulted in a walk in the park connector. Somehow, we ended up from our place in Alexandra to River Valley!
With the endorphins cruising through my veins, I felt better and breaking a sweat helped tremendously too. Had a hearty appetite and we devoured pasta at ACP later.
Sunday was exciting.
According to P, they 'shamelessly' invited themselves over to my place for games and food. I was honestly had reservations about this since i was hardly in top form to entertain but i felt like i should go ahead. P might have sensed soem reluctance after because he msged and said 'are u sure its ok? you sound reluctant''. to which i replied, '' that is my dull sms persona. i am laying out the red carpet in anticipation,jubilation and excitement!" afterall, it was also j's last day in singapore and it would be nice to meet everyone again. we had so much fun. i never laughed so hard in such a long time and felt so at ease in a group context. with that, i concluded the best weekend ever.
we also learnt things we never knew, like w downloading the theme song of 'the unbeatables' etc. atmosphere was warm and lively. it was like being 17 again. isaac had a really good time too and he thought my friends were 'cool'. yea!
on Friday, I managed to drag myself to church to attnd Benny Ho's sermon at church. This is a revolutionary guy who echoes my sentiments and visions in many ways. I left with my heart searing with hope again and glad our paths coverge, albeit briefly.
Saturday saw us (zac and me) trying to do housework. He fixed me a delicious breakfast of scrambled eggs, ham etc and we proceeded to clean the house and do laundry. The highlight is really trying to rollerblade which failed miserably because I was so scared which resulted in a walk in the park connector. Somehow, we ended up from our place in Alexandra to River Valley!
With the endorphins cruising through my veins, I felt better and breaking a sweat helped tremendously too. Had a hearty appetite and we devoured pasta at ACP later.
Sunday was exciting.
According to P, they 'shamelessly' invited themselves over to my place for games and food. I was honestly had reservations about this since i was hardly in top form to entertain but i felt like i should go ahead. P might have sensed soem reluctance after because he msged and said 'are u sure its ok? you sound reluctant''. to which i replied, '' that is my dull sms persona. i am laying out the red carpet in anticipation,jubilation and excitement!" afterall, it was also j's last day in singapore and it would be nice to meet everyone again. we had so much fun. i never laughed so hard in such a long time and felt so at ease in a group context. with that, i concluded the best weekend ever.
we also learnt things we never knew, like w downloading the theme song of 'the unbeatables' etc. atmosphere was warm and lively. it was like being 17 again. isaac had a really good time too and he thought my friends were 'cool'. yea!
Monday, February 16, 2009
vday 2009
on a more positive note, i think i had the bestest ever vday. its so good i think i need to engrave it on my fingers or something. or note it down, here.
well, it being the best may have something to do with the fact that we barely have celebrations in the past FIVE years. but if that was the crime, he more than made it up this year.
surprises (that i actually didn't uncover prior to the actual day despite being in the same house), my 1st candle light dinner, all prepared by him. steak, wine, mushroom ragout. nat king cole, aromatherapy.
no flowers this year and i'm so happy that hes finally getting it. my heart will stop beating at the amount of money donated to florists for flowers i'm allergic to so that i can donate more money later to the doctor.
almost 6 years old this duckobell. but better today than it first began.
thank you Jesus.
well, it being the best may have something to do with the fact that we barely have celebrations in the past FIVE years. but if that was the crime, he more than made it up this year.
surprises (that i actually didn't uncover prior to the actual day despite being in the same house), my 1st candle light dinner, all prepared by him. steak, wine, mushroom ragout. nat king cole, aromatherapy.
no flowers this year and i'm so happy that hes finally getting it. my heart will stop beating at the amount of money donated to florists for flowers i'm allergic to so that i can donate more money later to the doctor.
almost 6 years old this duckobell. but better today than it first began.
thank you Jesus.
the only way to age with grace
Call me what ever you want but as I was walking through Vivocity semi stoned today after my appointment, this song stopped me in my tracks. to be honest, i don't even remember where i stopped and i just cried.
i still don't know how to bring myself to talk about it or who to talk about it to. but i find myself shying away from so much, physically and emotionally. i look forward to coming home everyday to be with isaac and that really sums up my days these few weeks.
its like i don't know how to get out of this pit again and i can't remember how i got here. i don't remember the last time i watched tv, had a food craving etc. i buy things and leave them in places i don't remember. God has to save me. again.
but for now, i just want a watermelon. and isaac. but he somehow always ends up asleep before me.
You're my peace of mind in this crazy world.
You're everything I've tried to find, your love is a pearl.
You're my Mona Lisa, you're my rainbow skies,
and my only prayer is that you realize
you'll always be beautiful in my eyes.
The world will turn, and the seasons will change,
and all the lessons we will learn will be beautiful and strange.
We'll have our fill of tears, our share of sighs.
My only prayer is that you realize
you'll always be beautiful in my eyes.
You will always be beautiful in my eyes.
And the passing years will show
that you will always grow ever more beautiful in my eyes.
When there are lines upon my face from a lifetime of smiles,
when the time comes to embrace for one long last
whilewe can laugh about how time really flies.
We won't say goodbye 'cause true love never dies.
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes.
You will always be beautiful in my eyes.
And the passing years will showthat you will always grow ever more beautiful in my eyes.
The passing years will show that you will always growever more beautiful in my eyes
-Kadison Joshua , Beautiful in my eyes
i still don't know how to bring myself to talk about it or who to talk about it to. but i find myself shying away from so much, physically and emotionally. i look forward to coming home everyday to be with isaac and that really sums up my days these few weeks.
its like i don't know how to get out of this pit again and i can't remember how i got here. i don't remember the last time i watched tv, had a food craving etc. i buy things and leave them in places i don't remember. God has to save me. again.
but for now, i just want a watermelon. and isaac. but he somehow always ends up asleep before me.
You're my peace of mind in this crazy world.
You're everything I've tried to find, your love is a pearl.
You're my Mona Lisa, you're my rainbow skies,
and my only prayer is that you realize
you'll always be beautiful in my eyes.
The world will turn, and the seasons will change,
and all the lessons we will learn will be beautiful and strange.
We'll have our fill of tears, our share of sighs.
My only prayer is that you realize
you'll always be beautiful in my eyes.
You will always be beautiful in my eyes.
And the passing years will show
that you will always grow ever more beautiful in my eyes.
When there are lines upon my face from a lifetime of smiles,
when the time comes to embrace for one long last
whilewe can laugh about how time really flies.
We won't say goodbye 'cause true love never dies.
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes.
You will always be beautiful in my eyes.
And the passing years will showthat you will always grow ever more beautiful in my eyes.
The passing years will show that you will always growever more beautiful in my eyes
-Kadison Joshua , Beautiful in my eyes
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
you rock lor, husband
husband: in this marriage, you are the general, i'm the major
(before i got to even celebrate that statement...)
husband: you make the general decisions, i make the major ones.
me:....
**
11pm: goodnight (he goes to sleep)
1 am: upon entering the room, he is sleeping like a seahorse with legs on the bottom right and head on the top left. yes, he is almost diagonal.
i managed to move him..with prayer, groaning and supplication
4 am: i am left in the cold. he has conquered the duvet and used it as his bolster while the real boslter lay abandoned on the floor.
someone get me a new bed, new duvet pls.
**
(before i got to even celebrate that statement...)
husband: you make the general decisions, i make the major ones.
me:....
**
11pm: goodnight (he goes to sleep)
1 am: upon entering the room, he is sleeping like a seahorse with legs on the bottom right and head on the top left. yes, he is almost diagonal.
i managed to move him..with prayer, groaning and supplication
4 am: i am left in the cold. he has conquered the duvet and used it as his bolster while the real boslter lay abandoned on the floor.
someone get me a new bed, new duvet pls.
**
Saturday, January 31, 2009
report for life: marriage assessment etc.
i haven't been logging down my thoughts in this space because i just don't know how to anymore.
i can't provide a log of my feelings and chores that chronicle the first month of marriage. it is seriously not too exciting. there is a rojak cocktail mix of sweet bliss, frustration and even anticipation even as we step on each other's toes along the way, learning for the first time to live with each other.
our personal sleep habits alone are a fine example of how different we are. while isleep like a starfish, he sleeps like a seahorse in the middle of the bed. this is all fine except that we know have to share a bed and i come to bed later than him. so imagine my horror when i see someone sleeping in the middle!
also, apparently i have secret kick boxing tendencies so i've been elbowing and kicking him in my sleep. sigh.
apart from that, its really quite fine. so much so that i wonder where its all going and what next...
i'm asking what next for us, what next for myself in terms of career and growth and what next for ministry.
i don't know if i ihave any answers yet and knowing me, i tend to lapse into a kancheong state coz i must know everything from a to z. i feel like i must follow a perfect plan that locks me down to the minute. there is just not enough time these days. there's work, housework, friends , church and our own family time. it's like everything is crying out for our attention and while we would like to accord fair time to every aspect, its getting quite impossible.
running my own business is a challenge in itself. most would like to envy me for my 'flexible timing' but really it just means working overtime all the time. if i decide to give myself abit more sleep and start work later, i end up with a huge backlog and stress myself further. also, i need to put my brains to growing it to make it sustainable with the 5 loaves and 2 fishes i've got. it's like a baby that constantly requires attention and while it blesses me and makes me so so happy, it rarely gives me a respite. i'm stillwaiting on the lord for fresh instructions, for new doors everyday.
i'm learning life like never before. that its so multi faceted diamond and it reflects both exhilirating joy and excruciating pain. that every experience is so rich only because God is there. even in the pits. and the pits hold treasure only if you dig. that faithfulness is a rare gem in today's world. that i can't trust my own heart. that i am nothing apart from Him.
i would have read joseph's story again and judged that God isn't there given what he had to go through. but He was. from the pit/dungeon to the highest office in the country, He was there. and joseph is joseph only ebcause he lived through it all, with the Lord. we'll never know and fully understand until we reach heaven's door why certain things happen and sometimes it really wrenches my spirit but i just need to plow on, go on and trust in His loving heart towards me. some day i'll know. but in the meantime, i'll grow.
i can't provide a log of my feelings and chores that chronicle the first month of marriage. it is seriously not too exciting. there is a rojak cocktail mix of sweet bliss, frustration and even anticipation even as we step on each other's toes along the way, learning for the first time to live with each other.
our personal sleep habits alone are a fine example of how different we are. while isleep like a starfish, he sleeps like a seahorse in the middle of the bed. this is all fine except that we know have to share a bed and i come to bed later than him. so imagine my horror when i see someone sleeping in the middle!
also, apparently i have secret kick boxing tendencies so i've been elbowing and kicking him in my sleep. sigh.
apart from that, its really quite fine. so much so that i wonder where its all going and what next...
i'm asking what next for us, what next for myself in terms of career and growth and what next for ministry.
i don't know if i ihave any answers yet and knowing me, i tend to lapse into a kancheong state coz i must know everything from a to z. i feel like i must follow a perfect plan that locks me down to the minute. there is just not enough time these days. there's work, housework, friends , church and our own family time. it's like everything is crying out for our attention and while we would like to accord fair time to every aspect, its getting quite impossible.
running my own business is a challenge in itself. most would like to envy me for my 'flexible timing' but really it just means working overtime all the time. if i decide to give myself abit more sleep and start work later, i end up with a huge backlog and stress myself further. also, i need to put my brains to growing it to make it sustainable with the 5 loaves and 2 fishes i've got. it's like a baby that constantly requires attention and while it blesses me and makes me so so happy, it rarely gives me a respite. i'm stillwaiting on the lord for fresh instructions, for new doors everyday.
i'm learning life like never before. that its so multi faceted diamond and it reflects both exhilirating joy and excruciating pain. that every experience is so rich only because God is there. even in the pits. and the pits hold treasure only if you dig. that faithfulness is a rare gem in today's world. that i can't trust my own heart. that i am nothing apart from Him.
i would have read joseph's story again and judged that God isn't there given what he had to go through. but He was. from the pit/dungeon to the highest office in the country, He was there. and joseph is joseph only ebcause he lived through it all, with the Lord. we'll never know and fully understand until we reach heaven's door why certain things happen and sometimes it really wrenches my spirit but i just need to plow on, go on and trust in His loving heart towards me. some day i'll know. but in the meantime, i'll grow.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Sigh
I wish all would stop making fun of the outgoing president. You can laugh at me instead for feeling sympathetic.
History and the present has been critical but let's face it, it wasn't the easiest job in the world. And the verdict ain't over. There was Regan and Nixon who was just as slammed and people only came to appreciate the effect of certain policies decades later. History has not dished its final verdict.
And then you'd think they would wish the new president well. But as you speculate whether he is the anti-christ or right man for the job, the seconds are just ticking away and nothing is going to change that. He is going to take on the toughest job in the world. Right man or not.
So let's offer our prayers instead as he takes on the most difficult office in the world during the worst possible time and restrain our critical tongues.
Cut them some slack. You wouldn't have done a better job.
History and the present has been critical but let's face it, it wasn't the easiest job in the world. And the verdict ain't over. There was Regan and Nixon who was just as slammed and people only came to appreciate the effect of certain policies decades later. History has not dished its final verdict.
And then you'd think they would wish the new president well. But as you speculate whether he is the anti-christ or right man for the job, the seconds are just ticking away and nothing is going to change that. He is going to take on the toughest job in the world. Right man or not.
So let's offer our prayers instead as he takes on the most difficult office in the world during the worst possible time and restrain our critical tongues.
Cut them some slack. You wouldn't have done a better job.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
so far...
i think we eased into married life quite well but we're still learning and adjusting for most parts.
for the first week, it was so difficult sharing a bed and space. even with a king sized bed, i managed to edge out the husband by sleeping like a starfish and then robbing him of the duvet. but don't send your sympathies to him as yet as the fortunes were revised the following week.
we now have 2 blankets. space wise, we are managing better.
we're also learning to live with each other's idiosyncracies and bad habits. he has more to accomodate tho. as we learn to live with each other, we're really dying to ourselves. we're learning to put each other first and not insist on our own 'rights'. haha. for eg: purchase of shoerack: he thought our shoerack was too bug since he really only had 5 pairs of shoes. so i filled up the space for him.
he then never wondered if we had too much wardrobe space.
what he doesn't know is that there are still shoes and clothes at mum's that i haven't migrated over.
now that we're married, life takes on a different dimension. i still miss having mum in the next room and getting pampered crazy by her tho. i'm learning its not just about me and am learning to do housework, cook etc. housework can actually be fun in a strange way when you love the person you are doing it for and when it is ur OWN house. i complain here and there that its so tiring especially after work but i'm glad to do it. even supermarketing is uber fun as I course through the aisles going through item after item contemplating if he'd like to eat this and that...etc.
apart from that, what i wished it was my more vibrant social life back then. i could afford the time and money to hang out with friends after work but these days its harder as I have to manage housework too. it almost appears that my lifeline to 'fun' has been terminated but i'm determined to readjust it and have friends over at my place instead! it keeps our humble abode bursting with life. but these friends have to be people who can imagine away the mess and look away from the 'laundry room'.
so i'm so excited about getting more chairs for the butts of those i love. so they wont have to sit on our cold marble tiles. i do wish we had more space to entertain but we'll make do with this first and enjoy good cosy company.
for the first week, it was so difficult sharing a bed and space. even with a king sized bed, i managed to edge out the husband by sleeping like a starfish and then robbing him of the duvet. but don't send your sympathies to him as yet as the fortunes were revised the following week.
we now have 2 blankets. space wise, we are managing better.
we're also learning to live with each other's idiosyncracies and bad habits. he has more to accomodate tho. as we learn to live with each other, we're really dying to ourselves. we're learning to put each other first and not insist on our own 'rights'. haha. for eg: purchase of shoerack: he thought our shoerack was too bug since he really only had 5 pairs of shoes. so i filled up the space for him.
he then never wondered if we had too much wardrobe space.
what he doesn't know is that there are still shoes and clothes at mum's that i haven't migrated over.
now that we're married, life takes on a different dimension. i still miss having mum in the next room and getting pampered crazy by her tho. i'm learning its not just about me and am learning to do housework, cook etc. housework can actually be fun in a strange way when you love the person you are doing it for and when it is ur OWN house. i complain here and there that its so tiring especially after work but i'm glad to do it. even supermarketing is uber fun as I course through the aisles going through item after item contemplating if he'd like to eat this and that...etc.
apart from that, what i wished it was my more vibrant social life back then. i could afford the time and money to hang out with friends after work but these days its harder as I have to manage housework too. it almost appears that my lifeline to 'fun' has been terminated but i'm determined to readjust it and have friends over at my place instead! it keeps our humble abode bursting with life. but these friends have to be people who can imagine away the mess and look away from the 'laundry room'.
so i'm so excited about getting more chairs for the butts of those i love. so they wont have to sit on our cold marble tiles. i do wish we had more space to entertain but we'll make do with this first and enjoy good cosy company.
Friday, January 02, 2009
MARRIED
i don't know how He pulled it all off but He did and we are so thankful.
Felt like clapping and dancing around!
it felt so surreal and magical. like how did we transpire from two strangers to who we are today? And the vows that bind us together forever are not just words. Its sucha miracle.
and it started to sink in bit by bit when people shout 'MRS QUEK!" or when i see the laundry.
hurhur.
Its been so wonderful. not just because of him but because of my friends. i can't describe it but there's alot of love oozing out of me now. gah!
even doing laundry together is fun and sweet. even ironing, packing etc. and of coz, watching little nonya together. :)
yes, life will get 'realer' and sometimes we'll rub each other the wrong way but thanks for seeing us through like You always have.
Felt like clapping and dancing around!
it felt so surreal and magical. like how did we transpire from two strangers to who we are today? And the vows that bind us together forever are not just words. Its sucha miracle.
and it started to sink in bit by bit when people shout 'MRS QUEK!" or when i see the laundry.
hurhur.
Its been so wonderful. not just because of him but because of my friends. i can't describe it but there's alot of love oozing out of me now. gah!
even doing laundry together is fun and sweet. even ironing, packing etc. and of coz, watching little nonya together. :)
yes, life will get 'realer' and sometimes we'll rub each other the wrong way but thanks for seeing us through like You always have.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
almost there!
Been at the table arrangements for what seemed like a millenium. I can't seem to sort it out and now even though I've thrown the white towel and decided to head to bed, I can't quite sleep. There has to be a formula to get around this one and I wish John Nash was around to help. Someone call Mr beautiful mind.
I'm determined to have fun that day. No matter what. It is my day and of all the days that I have ever lived and will ever live, I'll rejoice and rejoice and celebrate.
For years and years to come, we'll always commemorate the day the Lord joined us together as one. 27th December.
It's been a long wait, 5.5 years. But i just wanto shout ' WE MADE IT!!!"
I'm determined to have fun that day. No matter what. It is my day and of all the days that I have ever lived and will ever live, I'll rejoice and rejoice and celebrate.
For years and years to come, we'll always commemorate the day the Lord joined us together as one. 27th December.
It's been a long wait, 5.5 years. But i just wanto shout ' WE MADE IT!!!"
Thursday, December 18, 2008
the traffic controller
at a very congested street with parallel parking facilities the other day, my attention fell on this unofficial traffic controller trying to direct the heavily congested traffic. His simple hand gestures in directing traffic made it so much less stressful for the motorists who were typically to inconsiderate and not letting each other have their way. his face was etched with lines and his skin was like a shade of coffee, roasted from the long hours under the merciless sun.
so when the man stood there, without any endorsement of authority from anyone doing that, i wanted to salute him. it took him to evict chaos and restore order. it took the nobody and initiative in him to get us, impatient motorists in order. he did it with such gusto and dignity. that moment, he won my respect.
i found out later he did this out of his own initiative. my father proceeded to tip him, alongside with some other equally grateful motorists. however, there were some that behaved like it was their divine right and entitlement.
this guy was so poor. and he probably recently lost his job. as a foreigner, his options are even fewer and rights almost non existent. he took the initiative to do this and can only hope for the largeness of some hearts to appreciate and spare him cash in return for his humble duty.
i don't know why but when i saw him and remember his plight, i started crying.
people like him are meant to be recipients/beneficiaries of my business and the wealth we generate. yet, i'm feeling so down and out now i feel mocked by the cruel irony of it. the dream and busines model is still alive in me. it still is. the ends and objectives and what we'll do with the money still resounds.
i know that for as long as i'm breathing, i cannot live and enjoy all that He wants to give me without sharing it the destitute. and that is my destiny. i wanted to reach out so badly to this guy, buy him a meal or give him a bigger tip so he can send the rest home but i was still held back by my own.
i would like to believe that i could empty myself out for people such as him, or Him. but i still can't and am still bound by my own needs and concerns.
i'm still staring at the little bud wondering when it'll blossom. wondering when what You said will come to pass. most of all, i'm wondering if i can hold out long enough before You jump on.
how long is the road
how long is the ride
how long is the darkness till we get to the light
corrine may.
so when the man stood there, without any endorsement of authority from anyone doing that, i wanted to salute him. it took him to evict chaos and restore order. it took the nobody and initiative in him to get us, impatient motorists in order. he did it with such gusto and dignity. that moment, he won my respect.
i found out later he did this out of his own initiative. my father proceeded to tip him, alongside with some other equally grateful motorists. however, there were some that behaved like it was their divine right and entitlement.
this guy was so poor. and he probably recently lost his job. as a foreigner, his options are even fewer and rights almost non existent. he took the initiative to do this and can only hope for the largeness of some hearts to appreciate and spare him cash in return for his humble duty.
i don't know why but when i saw him and remember his plight, i started crying.
people like him are meant to be recipients/beneficiaries of my business and the wealth we generate. yet, i'm feeling so down and out now i feel mocked by the cruel irony of it. the dream and busines model is still alive in me. it still is. the ends and objectives and what we'll do with the money still resounds.
i know that for as long as i'm breathing, i cannot live and enjoy all that He wants to give me without sharing it the destitute. and that is my destiny. i wanted to reach out so badly to this guy, buy him a meal or give him a bigger tip so he can send the rest home but i was still held back by my own.
i would like to believe that i could empty myself out for people such as him, or Him. but i still can't and am still bound by my own needs and concerns.
i'm still staring at the little bud wondering when it'll blossom. wondering when what You said will come to pass. most of all, i'm wondering if i can hold out long enough before You jump on.
how long is the road
how long is the ride
how long is the darkness till we get to the light
corrine may.
meltdown
i'm trying to gather every last remnant of strength as i stare in the face of the enemy of seeming impossibility.
i'd like to pride myself for standing firm, staying the course and hold it all together. but truth is, i can't believe its so hard. i didn't count the cost and now that i'm asked to pay the price, i'm standing at the counter, like the banks waiting helplessly for a bail out.
the cost is not just measured in dollars and cents. its the tenacity, the everything required. i don't know how many others make it appear so easy and they just breeze through life like they have wheels under their shoes while i trudge on with bloody feet.
save me, because i don't have strength anymore.
help me see You coz my vision is obscured.
speak, because I'm desperate and listening.
i chose this so i'm not going to complain or regret at how hard this is and how unrosy it all is. and in the meantime, am going to count the blessings that I do remember and enter in with thanksgving, even though i'm on my knees and not exactly jumping jubilantly for joy. i'm recounting past blessings so i rise above the drudgery of self-pity and see beyond my calvary.
right now, my heart is heavy. my soul is downcast. this is not the picture of a bride to be. but i'm soldiering on and i know 9 days later, all i've ever waited for will be there. and nothing will beable to get me down.
i'll charge for the altar, even on my heels and claim the 'prize'. this is round 1 of getting married. i cannot imagine how much more it'll be when i see my heavenly bridegroom face to face.
that's really all i care about. never mind everything else already. i'm just glad to get married before the end is here.
i'd like to pride myself for standing firm, staying the course and hold it all together. but truth is, i can't believe its so hard. i didn't count the cost and now that i'm asked to pay the price, i'm standing at the counter, like the banks waiting helplessly for a bail out.
the cost is not just measured in dollars and cents. its the tenacity, the everything required. i don't know how many others make it appear so easy and they just breeze through life like they have wheels under their shoes while i trudge on with bloody feet.
save me, because i don't have strength anymore.
help me see You coz my vision is obscured.
speak, because I'm desperate and listening.
i chose this so i'm not going to complain or regret at how hard this is and how unrosy it all is. and in the meantime, am going to count the blessings that I do remember and enter in with thanksgving, even though i'm on my knees and not exactly jumping jubilantly for joy. i'm recounting past blessings so i rise above the drudgery of self-pity and see beyond my calvary.
right now, my heart is heavy. my soul is downcast. this is not the picture of a bride to be. but i'm soldiering on and i know 9 days later, all i've ever waited for will be there. and nothing will beable to get me down.
i'll charge for the altar, even on my heels and claim the 'prize'. this is round 1 of getting married. i cannot imagine how much more it'll be when i see my heavenly bridegroom face to face.
that's really all i care about. never mind everything else already. i'm just glad to get married before the end is here.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
popping my head out of the hole
i've been so wearied out i just want to hide from all.
when i come home, all i'm asked about is the latest seating arrangement and how the house is etc. there are updates everyday and i just want a breahther. something else to think about and laugh about.
my phone rings incessantly from 9 am onwards with smses/calls regarding the above issues also. next week's schedules are also packed with such. i am so looking forward to the 27th so i can bid all these farewell.
i haven't been monitoring my bank account and i can't bring myself to look at it either. all these purchases actually cost money and i'm thankful that so far, we have enough. and i really don't have the grandiose faith to tide me through to be assured of super abundance now.
when i can steal a few minutes away, i'm really at the fork road trying to steer my flesh away from frustration and dismay to thanksgiving and praise. to recount the many things i have to be thankful for and the much more I will have though i do not yet see.
in times of great financial famine, i'm thankful that my business is still experiencing increase and although I want to seek greater expansion, I've learnt to harness ambition and wait on His perfect timing. Ok, I haven't learnt it. I'm learning it.
never before does it require more willpower to choose to worship and praise. yes, times have been hard and pressurizing before but this time, nothing in me wants to. there's a cloud of despondency somewhat and i need His spirit to come in mightily to dispel the cloud. but something inside me just knows I have to stick my head above it and make the choice to rejoice no matter what. to yield to His goodness and just know that He is God.
these concerns of mine show me really how little i still am. and how good He still is. and it teaches me to be thankful for what I still have and to crash at His cross to pour out all so that He can change it. i really don't know how long this journey will take but i'm willing to go through it.
in other matters, we've kinda been honeymoon agendaless. but we're taking our time and not going to sweat over it. (in due part because the wedding which happens before the honeymoon is not settled).
we had a list of 'shortlisted' places at first. after much deliberation...
we thought we finally settled on greece...then the riots broke out in Athens.
we thought we'll settle on Italy and enjoy venice. then the floods (apparently the worst in 26 years) came.
we thought about hokkaido. but refused because the yen is at its all time high.
maybe even a short one to bangkok but given the recent debacle which caused many travellers to be stranded in the airport, so that was thrown out.
then finally we realized we were down to nz and aust.(again!)
well at least we are getting free tickets to watch 'australia'. australia is familiar to both of us so i guess, we won't get (too) lost. and also, they speak english. and it is the first time we're both going TOGETHER. so i guess its ok..and the dollar is weak against the sing$ so it means more savings...so i guess, yea. italy/greece/europe/us, wait for me. sort out ur problems first and give us a call and send us a cheque when u're ready for us.
when i come home, all i'm asked about is the latest seating arrangement and how the house is etc. there are updates everyday and i just want a breahther. something else to think about and laugh about.
my phone rings incessantly from 9 am onwards with smses/calls regarding the above issues also. next week's schedules are also packed with such. i am so looking forward to the 27th so i can bid all these farewell.
i haven't been monitoring my bank account and i can't bring myself to look at it either. all these purchases actually cost money and i'm thankful that so far, we have enough. and i really don't have the grandiose faith to tide me through to be assured of super abundance now.
when i can steal a few minutes away, i'm really at the fork road trying to steer my flesh away from frustration and dismay to thanksgiving and praise. to recount the many things i have to be thankful for and the much more I will have though i do not yet see.
in times of great financial famine, i'm thankful that my business is still experiencing increase and although I want to seek greater expansion, I've learnt to harness ambition and wait on His perfect timing. Ok, I haven't learnt it. I'm learning it.
never before does it require more willpower to choose to worship and praise. yes, times have been hard and pressurizing before but this time, nothing in me wants to. there's a cloud of despondency somewhat and i need His spirit to come in mightily to dispel the cloud. but something inside me just knows I have to stick my head above it and make the choice to rejoice no matter what. to yield to His goodness and just know that He is God.
these concerns of mine show me really how little i still am. and how good He still is. and it teaches me to be thankful for what I still have and to crash at His cross to pour out all so that He can change it. i really don't know how long this journey will take but i'm willing to go through it.
in other matters, we've kinda been honeymoon agendaless. but we're taking our time and not going to sweat over it. (in due part because the wedding which happens before the honeymoon is not settled).
we had a list of 'shortlisted' places at first. after much deliberation...
we thought we finally settled on greece...then the riots broke out in Athens.
we thought we'll settle on Italy and enjoy venice. then the floods (apparently the worst in 26 years) came.
we thought about hokkaido. but refused because the yen is at its all time high.
maybe even a short one to bangkok but given the recent debacle which caused many travellers to be stranded in the airport, so that was thrown out.
then finally we realized we were down to nz and aust.(again!)
well at least we are getting free tickets to watch 'australia'. australia is familiar to both of us so i guess, we won't get (too) lost. and also, they speak english. and it is the first time we're both going TOGETHER. so i guess its ok..and the dollar is weak against the sing$ so it means more savings...so i guess, yea. italy/greece/europe/us, wait for me. sort out ur problems first and give us a call and send us a cheque when u're ready for us.
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