not the same

hez moved to tanah merah for a week already and i'm still not used to it.

no more bus rides from clementi to clementi with him. no more staying on in 189 despite reaching my stop because i just want a few more minutes with him. its so hard to say goodbye, despite being together for 30 over months.

no more 'meet you in 20 minutes' dinners at clementi eating spring chicken and drinking coconut juice.

no more supermarketing for groceries together.

no more lazing and hanging out at his pigsty. watching tv, doing laundry and plonking asleep after that.

until we get to go home together always and always.

i hope its soon.

randoms

1)a few nights ago i think i sleepwalked.

i was walking and apparently dreaming at the same time when i walked into a wall. of coz in my dream that wall was an assailant of some sort and i wanted to defend mysslf so used my arm to shield myself and hit against the 'assailant'.-think kungfu- so now i got a two bruises lah.but mr wall is fine and standing.

2)yesterday, isaac and i conquered mount faber. by cable car. it was like beautiful beautiful beautiful lah. i mean our view was just nothing but hdb flats. grr. but nvm. still quite romantic. at least cable car ride was just in time for sunset. so everything was good. we watched the sun plop into the water and drowned. *bloob bloob *and i was so happy because its been so hot for so many days. isaac stood there stunned and woodblockish (i've been on a woodblock calling rampage) and waited eagerly for more until i dragged him away. i think he was expecting fireworks to pop out of the water.

3)today i had driving lessons with an instructor from hell who kept criticising me with the nastiest sacarstic remarks saying i will not be able to pass blah blah blah and that i drive a car like im driving a lorry or a bus. that i have no leg/eye /hand coordination at all. blah blah blah.

4) met up with glacey for lunch and we ended up parasiting coffee bean and mos burger by holding on to a drink that we brought from the FOODCOURT. but there were alot of chimneys around and eventually we had to go home.

5) i am very sleepy. i have driving again tomorrow.

i'll be praying, He'll be answering.

i'm blessed to have Him my whole life and blessed to have him for the rest of my walk on earth.

its been a rocky thorny path (yet again) for isaac and i and i wanto offer the deepest thanks to the third party in our relationship (Jesus Christ) for constantly mediating, ironing out difference, reconciling, diciplining and helping us to see each others' needs before our's and most of all, supplying an abundance of hope when i have nothing left in me that can possibly see good.. i thank God that through my hissy fits and screaming, through his block headedness which nv fails to exasperate on a bad day and amuse and endear on a good day, the love is still there. and most of all, i figure, as long as our commitment stands unto God, as long as Jesus sits on the throne, i have hope and access to the very power that is required to overcome anything, healing to mend every brokeness and passion to fuel every lacklustreness.

i am relieved to know that Jesus intervenes at every level of our relationship when communication fails us. when i can no longer convey my frustrations and choose to keep them bottled up instead because words fail me. but i thank God words fail because a picture paints a thousand words and one night, He painted a picture, dropped it into my beloved blockhead's conciousness and he saw what i was really going through and what was hurting our relationship.

so contrary to all my wondering of whether Jesus sees when u cry alone in the dark, i will stand up and attest to the unchangeble fact that HE DOES. HE SEES YOUR PAIN FEELS YOUR PAIN AND HEALS YOUR PAIN.

i love my savior. He truly saves in every which way possible.

so today i was praying for him, coz its the best thing we can do for each other. when all its said and done, sometimes all it takes is a prayer. my prayers were on the Lord helping him to overcome his weaknesses now that he has met them, and that ungodly sorrow (despair) will not touch him but he will lean on Him always and always no matter how many dead ends we meet. this is because right now both of us seem to be stuck in a rut, and we're basically feeling lost and directionless. we don't know what we're to become, what we're supposed to do because everything we've known to do, we are no longer capable of doing. our previous capabilities have been stripped bare.

(little did i guess that thats perfect reason to rejoice. )

and upon finishing the prayer, i found myself walking to the shelves in the living room and picking up the oswald chambers devotional that my dad bought earlier but nv touched (it happens a lot. i have a library of clean untouched books) and i saw this..

Our Lord said to paul, in effect ( on the road to Damascus)"Your whole life is to be empowered and subdued by Me, you are to have no end, no aim no purpose but Mine.

and the Lord also says to us, " You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go

paul was not even a message or doctrine to proclaim, He was brought into a vivid, personal overpowering relationship with Jesus Christ. Paul had to be devoted to a person and not a cause.

am just overwhelmed right now. just wanto scream my blessedness!

let it go- corrine may

i think we've been here before
i recognize this place
i've seen the marks of confusion
wipe out a single sign of grace
and i don't want to play anymore
not when the stakes are so high
so before we circle round once more
i'm gonna lay down
lay down my
pride

let it go
let it be
don't waste all your emotion on this
tit-for-tat machine
let it go
let it be
let it go

i turn on the TV
and it screams out at me
nothing seems to have changed
since the start of adam and eve
so we're waiting for the sky to fall
and we're buying brand new toys
but before we circle round once more
can we lay down
just lay down this pride

let it go
let it be
don't waste all your emotion on this
tit for tat machine
let it go
let it be
let it go
don't go wasting your emotions
no one wins if we keep score
let it go
let it be
let it go

i love him.

think a lot. talk a lot.

i hate those watchful judgmental eyes that widens everytime i make a mistake.

and i hate how often i go wrong when i watch those watchful eyes watching me.

its ironic i know and its really hard to explain. yet, i am nonetheless the same. i pass judgments not just on wrong deeds but on the person. adam would be dead meat in my hands because somehow or the other, i delight not in mercy. i can't understand why some people purposefully do the wrong that they know will result in a massive chain-effect that will hurt many others, especially the ones they love.

i see, so i judge and i hurt.

there is such a fine line to judging and sin and not the person. its so hard to separate a man from his deed which is no wonder only God can still call us righteous when we sin so carelessly everyday. How He can still be a just God. I marvel at that that ONE man can truly take on the punishment of this sick sin-filled world.

never really gave much thought as to why God would reserve judgment only for Himself. i thought it shdnt be a big deal to pass that mantle also to us since He was the one who made us kings and high priests. one more to add to our CV really wouldn't hurt until late last night.

i was hopping mad over the wrong some people did. i kept meditating on it and the more i thought, the angrier i became. i saw how God time and again gave them chances to repent, called them back through various means, diciplined them with love and yet they willfully vehemently actually refused His ways. and i condemned them in my heart.

unbeknownst to me, there was an ache deeper in my heart which i could'nt detect. i didn't love these said people very much in the natural but the ache was still there.

when i felt the ache, i saw the heart of God.

He reserved judgment for Himself not just because He is rightfully the only one qualified to judge, not just because it involves the partaking of the 'tree of knowledge of good and evil' all over again, not just because he knows its difficult to for me to differentiate between the deed and the man...not just because of all that...

but because He wanted to save me the pain from executing judgment. because judgment, is painful. judgment resulted in the crucifixion of the Son of God. judgment will result in catastrophes etc. judgment will pain the heart of God even as the hand executes it. judgment results in eternal separation. there is so much more to judgment than i can ever comprehend.

***
attended an interesting sermon with terry mize at new crea last week with candice. His sermon made me think and i like sermons that make me think coz it is evidence that God is interacting with me and i hate just swallowing by faith because...i'm hard to please. and i might swallow a bone or two. (he who has ears, let him hear)

he talked about spiritual authority and how whoever we give our spiritual authority to will affect us in a very tremendous way. which explains why sometimes if a stranger who darzen care two hoots about you is prayed for by you, there is hardly any effect coz he also darzen care two hoots about your so-called spiritual authority.

and this part got me thinking..which goes to say how much spiritual authority I give unto Him must be very important too. and i know of only too many areas in my life and heart that are not totally yielded to Him. shall not make an open confession here before watchful eyes (Read above) but now i see why certain areas of my life are not bearing fruit as they used to or ever at all!because i couldn't give it up to Him. because i still want SOME control. because I AM STUPID!

sigh.
selah.tired already

anything that's special in me is you.

1.27 am

i suddenly feel like listening to the meteor garden soundtrack but i'm too lazy to look for it.

i wonder if Jesus reads my blog. i wonder if He knows Hez the reason why i write, the reason i live and breathe and the reason i haven't given up. Hez the star of this blog (and the bright and morning star also lah)

i'm wondering how life will eventually turn out but i'm not hasty and gan cheong abt it anymore. (maybe because i'm sedated)

i was counting my blessings (namely people in my life) and when i lost count, i broke down and cried. because i have too much. that money cannot buy. goodness does dissolve fat and bones. i melted away that moment.

i also realised that the fighter in me is still alive. (so is the weird kooky humour) its just wounded that's all.

the smile faded somewhat but it'll make a comeback. 1 million megawatts this time i promise. (watch out darlie/colgate/fann wong)

the light in my eyes has diminished along with the godzilla-like appetite. but i'm still connected to the power supply so none of you shd fret. as for the appetite, i'm open to treats.

i promise to update. because there's more to come, more to expect. more that i would have learnt and lived.

because Jesus is a good God.

thank you

sat was great except for the fact that i got isaac and i lost and we ended up at international business park. i panicked of course but we still managed to get home before midnight.

met up with my dear friend shuxin and went visiting for cny after that. that part was good.

i feel very comforted and loved. its true that when things are going so awry and wrong, your support system is very vital and important and i thank God so so much that my friends and family have been so supportive and sweet.

today a friend fr church that i wassnt particularly close just said this before parting after lunch that "should i have trouble (despite knowing the strange times of the day that i hv trouble), i could call anytime"

simple line as that but i was most touched. coz its expected to be inconvenient and difficult. prior to that my cg leader oso offered the same thing. and i know its not just talk because they have proven to be there when i need them too. for so long i thought isaac was the only one willing to be inconvenienced by me and i'v ebeen feeling so sorry for bringing him so much trouble but now, sigh it really just moves me to tears to know that i am loved.

sounds silly i know but i really didn't know prior to this episode. how real the love of God is that its shed in (almost) every heart around me. Gods been very gracious through this episode.

i remember once when i was gg thru a difficult time when i was young and mei ling said to me, "call me even if its 3 am or if you're hungry coz chances are, i'll be hungry too". only God knows how much that means to me coz sometimes, when trouble strikes and the enemy isolates you, its terribly scary to not have a tangible hand to hold, an audible voice to guide you.

i miss my friends so much. i just wanto tell all of you i love you all.

life is good.

i've got such wonderful people in my life! thank you Jesus.

been sick and been abstaining from yummy things like pineapple tarts which are my absolute weakness because i just don't wanto get worse.

and it din really help that i was appetiteless. so i was home alone on cny eve w/o food(that i can eat) and my dearest friend, mei ling offered to drive me out for lunch (at 3 pm!)even though she din have the car! (we don't know how of coz)anyhows anyways, its the thought that counts! most touched especiallywhen we know it'll be a tiring hunt for food when almost everything is closed for business.

and den she had to put up with my tantrums demanding for cake. i was even unreasonable enough (its the fever i tell you) to suggest that we go to mustafa, which will be open to buy cake mix to bake cake. BECAUSE I MUST HAVE CAKE.

den i was complaining to shuxin abt how i wun get to eat the wonderful pineapple tarts sitting in the kitchen coz im sick and when ive recovered, they would have been devoured ...
and today she msged me to tell me shez baking some for me so that i will get to eat pineapple tarts this season! it was such a sweeeet gesture although it brought back memories of the brownies she baked which smelt good but were tasteless. (usually i call things like that dog food but hush)

she confirmed my point when i told her i was so touched by saying .." wait till you taste them"

in any case, i feel most loved lah and thats all i need to get well anyway!(and some good pineapple tarts)

i've got most wonderful friends lah.

then isaac, the reigning best sweetest bf in the world was also very sweet and sweet because hez oso sick but he still eat pineapple tarts for me on my behalf. (im good at consoling myself) den he listen to me talk in my most croaky voice and he still wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

life is good.

don't cry

I believe when they put her in the ground
I think they buried part of me
Because I've been searching, I've been looking all around
But I cannot find the heart of me, the heart of me

So I'll put my fingers in this soil upon her grave
And I will plant for her a garden
And every flower, a reminder of her face
Will grow up graceful as a pardon

And all that grows is her story told
As life unfolds here before us
The peace I've found in this broken ground
I can see her in the harvest...of all that I have sown

Long before I was covered up in gray
Before the old had bent my bones
We grew our children in the red Georgia clay
They were our garden and our home

And all that grows is our story told
As life unfolds here before
The peace we found in that broken ground
I can see them in the harvest...of all that I have sown

And when my life is done
I pray the kingdom come
And take me to Glory
It's living inside me
It was planted like a seed
All to tell a story

I believe when they put me in the ground
There will remain a part of me
Because I've been seraching and the joy that I have found
Is living in my family...it's all that I have sown

-bebo norman-

the cake monster is hungry

now i'll make you hungry

the dark side

i'm feeling so miserable i honestly just wanto be a brat. (and i'm not too far from it)

i've been in a semi comatose state since i started medication and it has honestly done me no apparent good because 1) i still have a fever 2) i still have alot of phlegm.

i'm exasperated and frustrated and this illness happens to coincide with cny. the ONE festival i'm actually really involved in but not excited about. there i see the relatives from that ONE side of the family that i hv no desire to see at all. infact, i think once a year is way too much to meet up. and my so called family is obviously oblivious to my flu. maybe the only way to get them to notice is to cough some phlegm out on them. decorate them with my phlegm. (bright sunny yellow)

ok the evil me is raging and shez back.

this festival, this time, this season, this family is not allowing me the rest that ME as a sick person should be entitled to. not allowing me the care and extra dosage of love that i shd be given. wait a minute...what love?

obviously im feeling a bit bitter and angry. and obviously i'm lying through me teeth when i say i'm just ABIT BITTER AND ANGRY. i leave it all up to you guys to interpret and read me. it darzen help the least bit that isaac quek is completely uncontactable.

excuse me now, i have to go sneeze and cough on someone.

almost

i was talking to shuxin on msn and i nearly jumped off my chair when she started sharing abt her dad's business and all. for a moment or two, i was truly envious. there i was erupting with business ideas but w/o the means to execute a single one but she could so easily.

but its ok. i am so happy for my grown up friend because we used to be such ding dongs together back in mgs. and really all we cared for was our shopping allowance. now that we have moved on to other people's shopping budget and allowance, i can safely say that yes, we've grown quite a bit.

someone help me to rest. i sit in bed nursing my flu and i just explode in my head with ideas and ideas n more ideas. and a deep sense of helplessness coupled with a few shots of excitement. i'm so excited abt the idea of executing it yet i feel so helpless coz i need the expertise and the CAPITAL.

offers have trickled (not poured) in to fund my ideas but wisdom arrests me and gently suggests that i should probably do alot more homework and learn first, from the veterans and i guess that makes my job the perfect place to be in. coz i meet retailers from start ups to renowned ones on a daily basis.

at this point i really need to relax and rest a lot more and concentrate on getting well but its tough when i'm so activity-oriented. God help me. i dream so big and while many say its a good thing, i wonder (still) if any of it will materialise. because the fear of disappointment still lingers. because i see my own disability and i wonder. if its ever achievable. so while both feet are firmly planted on the ground and my head inthe clouds, i need some help in flapping my wings to fly.

i can sniff heaven already. still jogging in circles and picking up momentum but not quite there yet.

silly me, someone remind me its never about me and yes its all achievable. by Him and His divine empowerment. thats what i like about grace. not just being undeserved but a divine empowerment to execute so so much.

all for the glory of Jesus.

sick lamb updates

sick lamb updates

oh no. life might be going in another direction that i'm not too prepared for. what i'm currently doing darzen seem to be reaping much results. although i've garnered quite a massive impressive contact base. but thats abt it (or at least seem so to the naked eye)

at this point, i'm no longer as averse to change than say a few months ago whereby i just wished for nothing but constancy. so far all the changes that have been brought about only brought good and benefits. so never mind the initial jitters, God will see me through till i reach my promised land.

for now i pretty much still feel that i'm still in the wilderness. progressing steadily but not quite there. i know i have to be somewhere but progress seems to be quite slow. i don't even know where i am on the road map so theres no way to gauge how far more i hv to go.

but its ok. He knows.

that aside, the only reason i'm blogging is because i'm down with a fever that wun go downand on mc. sure if eel weak and all, but somehow i'm happy or joyful rather. life is like that. i marvel at how God makes me laugh even when im in the pits without me losing the screws in my head. its magical i say...and i'm loving every moment. yes, even in the pits. i'm no longer the anxious fretful girl. if there was anything i really lacked in life, it was patience. and with renewed patience, somehow now i have the grace to wait even though in the natural, it just seems so deplete and incomplete.

i have Jesus and i truly have it all. i like to say this especially when i have nothing. because it seems even more ridiculous to the human mind and it defies logic and reason even more than ever. because i know my God has something up those magnificent white sleeves of His and Hez going to unleash it and lo and behold, jaws are gg to drop and isaac and will just chuckle. no sighs of relief this time coz this time around, we know. He has trained us well. after so many rounds of 'practice' whereby we hold our breaths in deep anticipation without knowing the outcome, this time we rest in a confidence greater than us.

stuck in a moment and i can't get out of it.

i just got reminded by my brother that 1995 was more than a decade ago.

most of you know i seldom ever if ever at all buy cds and every cd i buy must be quite something or a result of some massive impulsive streak that i have since managed to curb...quite successfully..

until i saw this today..
so now i'm somewhere stuck in the 90s. and don't try to borrow it from me k. its on repeat mode. and i'm on selfish mode.

what i really like

my pastor said something today that really struck me-that if we were still telling God that He shouldn't have allowed something in the past to happen, we have yet to learn the lesson.

the good news today is that He can really cause even that broken past, that lousy stupid mistake to work out for good. i don't really have an inkling as to what good it can possibly do but if giants were bread for champions in the case of Israel and jericho, i guess i'll just submit myself to the truth and let it amaze me.

i like how today turned out coz i was in such a frumpy miserable mood the night before. i like how my Father always surprises me with the pleasantest things. most of all, i thank the Lord that i can be joyful over nothing at all. an increasing trait i find in me these days, no matter how kancheong i am tempted to be or how dismaying the circumstances look. i celebrate the fact that i can laugh over nothing at all, and its not because someone is tickling me or if the screw up there is loose...

contrary to popular belief.

i also like the fact that everytime i cry, i can expect His comfort, His warmth, a hand to wipe away the tears/mucus, and a hug to make the pain ebb.

i am so enjoying the fact that i belong to Him and Him alone such that even when i'm the kancheong spider that i'm always tempted to be, i can expect grace and mercy.

i love how He loves me so much He diciplines me, He chides me with love, so that i can grow and not stay a brat now and forever more( phew).

a very short song

HOW YOU LOVE ME

hope came home
home to me today
and fear has run the other way
and words are weak
they don't know how to say
"You know i still believe in You"
and should my dreams fall through
i know i'll be safe with You
so with every breath i breathe
i'll sing about how You love me

-bebo norman

a reunion

today i found out for myself how it must have felt like to be like the blind man set free by Jesus, to be like the woman with the issue of blood who was healed by Jesus.

unlike the woman however, i had zero faith in me to even reach out and touch Him. i was low all over again and the physical symptoms only served to heighten my despair and served as a mockery to me. i felt that i was let down by Him, by the word.

judge me if you can't help it but that was truly so. then in the midst of the service my pastor received a word of knowledge and addressed my problem. my physical symptoms that were so unique and stubborn. He called me out through His faithful servant, my beloved pastor and there and i stepped out(i had no choice anyway, it was really just me), received prayer and got healed.

not just on the outside but on the inside too. its beyond description. a problem that has plagued me for so long and gave me so much trouble is finally gone. i couldn't reach out for Him so He reached out to me. i couldn't hear Him and He did all that was necessary to make himself heard. so that i would know His heart. so that Father and daughter could reconcile and there would be no more misunderstandings.

i was joyful, yet relieved and at peace. its a paradox of emotions, juxtaposed opposites. now i know i experienced mercy and grace anew. on a new level. and best of all, i walked away today knowing more and wanting to know more about my Father's heart for me.

never mind the theology, i feel loved and thats just that.

i wanted to shout and just run out and tell someone. so here i am. healed and whole by Jesus Christ.

brand new

its been awhile.

there was christmas and new year. yes, we're now in 2006 and everytime this year, i can most likely be found even on the 2nd day of the year still reeling from shock that yes, such a momentous event occurred. that being that a WHOLE year has passed.

despite having gone through this cycle 22 rounds, i never quite got over the phenomenon of how time passes. SO QUICKLY. and being overly nostalgic even over a lousy time/year, i get all sentimental and weepy over the past year. a part of me is still trapped in the past. from the time i was concious of time till like now. this year, i just want to live in the present and have hope for the future.

of coz that will be an enormous feat on its own.

theres nothing quite like 2005. it was a year of tremendous change and challenges and when asked to give a testimony for thanksgiving service, i was dumbfounded. simply put, i'm glad i survived 2005. it was an emotional whirlwind and i can't honestly say that true steadfastness in trust in my almighty God saw me through just fine.

i barely escaped unscathed. but once again, it was yet another year that will go down in my history of His sheer faithfulness and love. even when i misused the authority that He has bestowed on me, even when....

shall not go there as all is forgiven. uncovering my own mercy seat is another nono.

now that i'm in 2006, along with the rest of the world, all i ask for this year is really a greater more intimate walk with Him. so that mountains high or valleys low, i'll be calm on the inside and unstirred. truly walking worthy as a child of the Most High. there are bound to be valleys and circumstances cannot always be favorable but at the end of it all, i know i'll triumph. i know He has already overcome it all.

Like the sun that rises everyday,
You are so faithful
dear Lord You are faithful,
Like the rain that You bring and every breath that i breathe
You are so faithful oh lord

Like a rose, that comes alive every spring
You are so faithful, dear Lord you are faithful
Like the life that You give, to every beat of my heart
You are so faithful O lord

I see the cross and the price You had to pay
I see the blood that washed my sins away
in the midst of the storm, through the wind and the waves
you'll still be faithful
you'll still be faithful

when the stars refuse to shine
and time is no more
you'll still be faithful
you'll still be faithful my God.

at the end of the line, this is what i discover

i feel so utterly discouraged sometimes i don't even want to wake up.

i think the despair crept in this week and i allowed it to invade with little or any resistance. i could hold the fort no longer and i just allowed my defences to crumble. the pressure is so intense at time i literally caved in. doubts, questions reeled endlessly in my mind and i lost sight of who He is, whose i am and my eternal promises sealed by the blood of Jesus with a covenant that cannot fail.

i need yet another miracle. soon. because patience and time failed me.

surrounded by so many lies but the one who CANNOT lie lives in me. (heb 6) thats the most comforting truth i've heard thus far and i just pray i have the patience and fortitude to 'hang in there' and watch it all come to pass. i've truly lost sight of everything that i thought i was so focused on. i've been nothing but a rebellious tantrum-filled child reeling accusations against a father who refuses to defend Himself.

and yet He waits, for me to tire out to be completely worn out from those hissy fits. and then i hear his endless whispers of comfort to my frazzled soul. i resist them yet again. because i'm still angry. because i'm still trapped in these circumstances that weigh so heavily on my tiny shoulders. i feel his presence overwhelm me. his endless comfort in such a tangible palpable way. yet i still doubt.

i can almost see this scenario happening in the near future even though its a scenario repeated only too often in the past. me, dissolved by goodness that i don't deserve bawling my eyes out because of this gift of mercy and grace and being utterly ashamed of myself. i oso see Him picking me up again and forgiving me. inspite of it all.

its sad but i believe its not just me. we identify His goodness only by a breakthroughs in natural circumstances such a good buy, a windfall, a promotion or anything that allows life in this world to be 'better', (by this world's lousy standards of course) its the original temptation in Eden and i believe its the devil's trump card..to make us doubt God's goodness.

the serpent had to make eve doubt if God was truly good and suggested the possibility that God might be withholding something from her. the doubt sank in deep enough in those few moments that changed the fate of mankind forever for her to partake of the forbidden fruit.

today i realise that inspite of this bleak circumstances, His goodness is and CANNOT be confined to the natural circumstances that are ever so volatile, especially in these turbulent last days. His goodness may manifest in natural circumstances but it does not stop there. It's the heart of God that is the epitome of His goodness. Its His heart towards us, His endless thoughts towards us, His love that compelled Him to send His only begotten son.

just 22 days more.

the song that made me bawl.
the song that made me realise i need to share it with someone
the song that reminded me that i still have a blog (dusty as it is) so i can conveniently share.
the song that means so much.
the song that reminded me that i am His. His child. as orphaned as i feel sometimes

thank you so much mei ling. this must be one of the best christmas presents ever. ranking close after the gift of Jesus himself. you truly know me best.

john 14:18 "I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you."

All I really want
well, I don't really know if you remember me or not
I'm one of the kids they brought in from the home
I was the red-haired boy in an old, green glannel shirt
you may not have seen me, i was standing off alone

I didn't come and talk to you cause that's never worked before
and youll probably never see this letter, anyway
but just in case there's something you can do to help me out
i'll ask you one more time

all i really want for christmas is someone to tuck me in
a shoulder to cry on if i lose, shoulders to ride on if i win
there's so much i could ask for, but there's just one thing i need
all i really want for christmas, is a family

well, i guess i should go ahead and tell you now
if it's really true about the list you have
somehow i always seem to end up in a fight
but i'm really trying hard not to be bad

but maybe if i had a brother or a dad to wrestle with
maybe they could teach me how to get along
and from everything i've heard it sounds like the greatest gift on earth
would be a mom

all i really want for christmas is someone who'll be here
to sing me happy birthday for the next 100 years
and it's ok if they're not perfect or even if they're a little broken
that's all right cause so am i

well i guess i should go, its almost time for bed
and maybe next time i write you i'll be at home
cause all i really want for christmas is someone to tuck me in
tell me i'll never be alone, someone who's love will never end
of all that i could ask for, well, there's just one thing i need
all i really want for christmas is a family.

-all i really want-
steven curtis chapman

visit www.ShaoeyandDot.com to win an autographed copy of 'A Christmas Miracle' by Mary Beth and Steven Curtis Chapman.

visit www.howtoadopt.org because i think you should.

all that said and done, i'm still up for adoption.