Repentance

I just had an epiphany of sorts.

Maybe this whole journey of setting up a business from scratch was primarily for me, not for God.

Maybe it happened so that I can see where my trust really lies. When I have to sojourn through lonely deserts alone, do I really count on Him and seek refuge and comfort in Him? Fundamentally, do I really trust Him to know what He is doing with my life?

I didn't.

The measure of success is not how well the yields are on paper and how healthy our cashflow is. The true measure of my success is whether I have abiding peace that will take me to whatever destination He has for me come what storm. This should arise from a complete surrender and trust knowing that He truly has the reins of my life and is good without the clay interfering and doubting the potter. On hindsight, my doubting is almost a slap in the face, a very rude insult that can be likened to 'eh Father, this is my precious life. Are you sure you know what you're doing?'

Yet, I so often do.

I so often thought that I'm doing this for God. So that this can be a platform for him, so that He can use this as a 'passport' into nations, into lives. God needs no passport and needs no servant that fumbles as often as I do. His choice to use me is my privilege and hopefully it pans out like I imagined (or better). But what if..God is doing this for me? To dethrone me from the throne I erected in my own heart, to work something out within my character? To foster trust? Or to build our relationship so that I can see Him at work, see Him at play and watch Him love me. I liken it to a father-daughter camping trip where my Father teaches me how to fish (provision), start a fire (keep enemies at bay), pitch a tent (protection) and just enjoy this journey with the Father taking the lead.

Where joy and sorrow meet

Death for a christian starts at the cross when we die with Christ and rise again with Him.

Death for a christian-departing earth with sweet sorrow for the ones left behind to join eternal love in eternal home.

I celebrate your life but mourn your passing. Another hero of faith joins the ranks of heaven. May there be another one born to carry on your legacy.