Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Blindness

The trappings of the passing world can blind us so much until we are so caught up with self that we forget that there are multitudes besides us.

This isn't about social responsibility. I marvel at how we Christians, who lift our hands on Sunday in praise can go on to Monday with our hands stuffed into our pockets of comfort and shrug nonchalantly at the other catastrophes that beset countless others.

If there's a call to mobilize the army of God, then where are teh warrior who claim victory from the pulpits and pews but do nothing otherwise. No one fights a war sitting on their hands. Undoubtedly, spiritual wars should not be engaged by hands and feet but should be fought from our knees but there has to be a rising with His strength to step out to shine as our duty calls when gross darkness besets the earth. The church ahs a responsibility in these dark hours to shinein places devoid of color and hope and usher Jesus to the lost and dying. Its the golden opportunity of a moment here in history.

And these are my humble 2 cents worth as I continue to battle the flesh that also vainlessly cling on to the comforts I enjoy..Noting also that I'm but a single voice.

And pardon me if I turn a deaf ear to another lament on how there's not enough money for vain material pursuits when a 3rd world nation co-exists on the same planet. Some, right under our noses in this greatly affluent country.

I do have a personal vendetta against iniquity, poverty, sickness and injustice. And I've decided that I'll hate these more than I love my comforts and false securities.

The gods of this world has wreaked a havoc big enough for too long. I cannot wait for the day the church arises, not out of debris and dust but out of the dead weights of hedonism, in-fighting, greed and other lusts to join the revolution with heavenly ranks and win the world with and for Jesus Christ.

In the meantime, I pray and wait. and listen.

-I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waitingI will serve You
While I'm waitingI will worship
While I'm waitingI will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait-

While I'm waiting, John Waller (a man who waited 17 years)

Monday, October 12, 2009

Waiting.

Yesterday's sermon in church was a solid punch straight from heaven. I've never heard something quite like that, so honest, so brutal , so righteous and so true.

Without a doubt, I started shedding tears.

Later in the day, I came across the sunday times article on the ''cagedog'' slums in HK which angered and saddened me. HK has always been a city close to my heart and the great Gini coefficient always appalled me. The dismay of the poor is so great and the poor are really so poor and forgotten. I can't imagine them slipping through the cracks of society into an eternal darkness without knowing Jesus.

Yet, this is also the city that produces a great proportion of billionaires, even more millionaires and has more LV shops than Paris itself. In fact, the biggest LV store in the world was previously in Hk (marginally overtaken by SG now).

I wonder if anyone is reaching out to these people and delivering the good news of the Gospel to them. I wonder if any practical aid is streaming in or are we all too caught up in the comforts of our own lives and various material pursuits. There has to be more than one Jackie Pullinger in HK.

I am willing to go and I've been praying about this for months but the flesh is weak. Here is my confession: that I think I'll get nauseous and throw up before entering because of the stench and my hyperchondriac tendencies might kick in.

But at the same time, I cannot help but feel great compassion for this group of the lost. And I know this compassion is not mine but from above. I can almost feel Him weeping for them as they wallow around in their mire of despair and hopelessness.

I don't know how. The flesh is so weak and I'm scared. I know the opportunities to partner with any group also haven't presented itself yet but I stay awake thinking of them. The nameless dirty faces that don't know Jesus as redeemer, savior and friend.

Praying that the Lord equips, strengthens and sends. At the end of the day, I want to be where He is and I know He dwells in slums and hospitals. Praying spirit overcomes the flesh.

Waiting.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

my little piece of heaven

If my life was an epistle, i hope that under the lenses of observers, you will see that God is good-to me, through me.

Suddenly, all the events that happened made sense. I see how His hand skilfully orchestrated all to build, to strengthen to demonstrate Himself in His infinite power when my finite power is utterly depleted. I'm sorry for the lamentations and the doubt. Thankful for the grace and mercy and the sweet blessings I've turned a blind eye to.

At the work front, I'm still amazed at how the expansion is going despite having started with a mere 5 loaves and 2 fishes. We are ramping up on our existing infrastructure to cope with the increased demand and trying to find new avenues to launch new lines.

I even had to slow things down by turning down/postponing projects as I simply couldn't cope and didn't want to compromise on the simpler but far better things in life. I know God did not give me this business for me to neglect friends and Him so I have to engage wisdom actively to embark only on the projects and the paths He leads me to, not everything that presents itself.

I'm humbled by the beginnings of this business and where it has been and where it is heading. Am not the least perturbed by the detour and the apparent disappointments in the delay of the shop because for once in a seemingly long time, I've learnt to trust again knowing His plans are the best and I cannot force my way through and expect no grief.

This journey is so precious as I learn to follow, trust and obey. Every step I take in obedience unveils His majesty and goodness even when things don't turn out the way I want them to. Even as I work, I need to know that money is my servant, not my master and God forbid it even stages any uprising in my heart and try to dethrone God himself.

I read an interesting quote in the papers today about money being like manure which has to go around for it to generate good. Something along those lines. Even as I depise debauchery and hedonism, I must take note not to judge the people in bondage to it because I've been there myself.

I've been really enjoying and savouring marriage. So thankful for him and us. So glad I married this one. I saw in a memo he stored in his phone "do something special for wife''. It's so typically him to say something like that and for that I just want to squeeze, hug and inhale him in.

I know there are problems and the daily mundaneness to go through. But I'm so joyful and thankful for these simple pleasures of life that cannot be bought.

:)

in brief

-some big purchases coming up. decisions.
-some new projects, expansions. decisions
-some detours. but not disappointed.
-good friend heading off. be back in 2 months. loss (albeit, temporarily)
-thankful for us. gratitude
-hooked on times square sermons (again!)
-farmville (:p)
-enjoying church tremendously again (:))
-backaches (treacherous)
-increasing workload
-one friend in love. :)
-granduncle's passing but home with Jesus
-learning cantonese. slow but progressing. (arduous)
-wondering where to go for holiday at year end. decisions
-wants to lose weight-3 kg? i need to fit into my old clothes (don't yell)
-growing intimacy with Him. (heaven)
-sanity despite the insanity around (in the cleft of the rock)
-love love love. (in love with Love)

Monday, October 05, 2009

Speak

Speak when u nudge my heart
Speak thru the silent art
Speak as a whisper in the storm n thunder
Speak friend counsellor n father
Speak for ur child hears
Speak for ur word quells fears
Speak for ull hv the last word
Speak for I will obey
Speak when we worship n pray
Speak thru the burning vision emblazoned on my soul
Speak please silence aint gold.
Speak even in the unspoken
Speak when I am forgotten
Speak to silence those lies
Speak my Father so I'll realize
Speak until all I hear is you
Your voice of truth reverberating through the walls of my heart
Breaking down all the girl-made defenses that will not last
So your power can invade to set the captivated soul free.

changing perspectives

It's been more than a month since my last entry.

Many times, I've had a flurry of inspiration to pen down my thoughts but it never materialized and remained as 'saved' entries on my humble blackberry.

I can barely remember how Sept was like except that it fled by like the rest of the other months. In no time, 2009 will be filed away into history, like all the years I've lived. And hopefully I can look back and recount on how it was a stepping stone to getting wiser, better etc.

My perspectives have been changing like the wind. (and so does the mood) Many things that I held on fast to before are seemingly less important now. I'm allowing myself to be open, to allow His perspectives to intertwine with mine so what is His truly becomes mine. I hope I'm growing up although I know that in many ways, I'm still very much the petulant spoilt child. Hopefully that dies away too, no matter how painful.

I've had new people to look up to and respect in the last few months. People who gave selflessly and led by example. I've had old people but new goodbyes to say. I've had alot of changes for a short month and I'm still learning to cope with them.

I've been shaken (literally) by struggles, mine and shared others' struggles. Life really ain't easy and I can only do my bit to dispense Him everywhere I go. I marvel at the disparity between depair in a neighbouring country and the flurry of activity in my own city. Tribulation in the last days...and I wonder where my part fits in.

I don't know how to get through the next few months coz it seems just too steep a hill to climb before Jan.

but somehow like always, You'll get me through.