breaking the silence

i think the last weekend was such a surprising welcome respite from the dark. Praise God.

on Friday, I managed to drag myself to church to attnd Benny Ho's sermon at church. This is a revolutionary guy who echoes my sentiments and visions in many ways. I left with my heart searing with hope again and glad our paths coverge, albeit briefly.

Saturday saw us (zac and me) trying to do housework. He fixed me a delicious breakfast of scrambled eggs, ham etc and we proceeded to clean the house and do laundry. The highlight is really trying to rollerblade which failed miserably because I was so scared which resulted in a walk in the park connector. Somehow, we ended up from our place in Alexandra to River Valley!
With the endorphins cruising through my veins, I felt better and breaking a sweat helped tremendously too. Had a hearty appetite and we devoured pasta at ACP later.

Sunday was exciting.

According to P, they 'shamelessly' invited themselves over to my place for games and food. I was honestly had reservations about this since i was hardly in top form to entertain but i felt like i should go ahead. P might have sensed soem reluctance after because he msged and said 'are u sure its ok? you sound reluctant''. to which i replied, '' that is my dull sms persona. i am laying out the red carpet in anticipation,jubilation and excitement!" afterall, it was also j's last day in singapore and it would be nice to meet everyone again. we had so much fun. i never laughed so hard in such a long time and felt so at ease in a group context. with that, i concluded the best weekend ever.

we also learnt things we never knew, like w downloading the theme song of 'the unbeatables' etc. atmosphere was warm and lively. it was like being 17 again. isaac had a really good time too and he thought my friends were 'cool'. yea!

vday 2009

on a more positive note, i think i had the bestest ever vday. its so good i think i need to engrave it on my fingers or something. or note it down, here.

well, it being the best may have something to do with the fact that we barely have celebrations in the past FIVE years. but if that was the crime, he more than made it up this year.

surprises (that i actually didn't uncover prior to the actual day despite being in the same house), my 1st candle light dinner, all prepared by him. steak, wine, mushroom ragout. nat king cole, aromatherapy.

no flowers this year and i'm so happy that hes finally getting it. my heart will stop beating at the amount of money donated to florists for flowers i'm allergic to so that i can donate more money later to the doctor.

almost 6 years old this duckobell. but better today than it first began.

thank you Jesus.

the only way to age with grace

Call me what ever you want but as I was walking through Vivocity semi stoned today after my appointment, this song stopped me in my tracks. to be honest, i don't even remember where i stopped and i just cried.

i still don't know how to bring myself to talk about it or who to talk about it to. but i find myself shying away from so much, physically and emotionally. i look forward to coming home everyday to be with isaac and that really sums up my days these few weeks.

its like i don't know how to get out of this pit again and i can't remember how i got here. i don't remember the last time i watched tv, had a food craving etc. i buy things and leave them in places i don't remember. God has to save me. again.

but for now, i just want a watermelon. and isaac. but he somehow always ends up asleep before me.

You're my peace of mind in this crazy world.
You're everything I've tried to find, your love is a pearl.
You're my Mona Lisa, you're my rainbow skies,
and my only prayer is that you realize
you'll always be beautiful in my eyes.
The world will turn, and the seasons will change,
and all the lessons we will learn will be beautiful and strange.
We'll have our fill of tears, our share of sighs.
My only prayer is that you realize
you'll always be beautiful in my eyes.
You will always be beautiful in my eyes.
And the passing years will show
that you will always grow ever more beautiful in my eyes.
When there are lines upon my face from a lifetime of smiles,
when the time comes to embrace for one long last
whilewe can laugh about how time really flies.
We won't say goodbye 'cause true love never dies.
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes.
You will always be beautiful in my eyes.
And the passing years will showthat you will always grow ever more beautiful in my eyes.
The passing years will show that you will always growever more beautiful in my eyes

-Kadison Joshua , Beautiful in my eyes

you rock lor, husband

husband: in this marriage, you are the general, i'm the major
(before i got to even celebrate that statement...)
husband: you make the general decisions, i make the major ones.
me:....

**
11pm: goodnight (he goes to sleep)
1 am: upon entering the room, he is sleeping like a seahorse with legs on the bottom right and head on the top left. yes, he is almost diagonal.
i managed to move him..with prayer, groaning and supplication

4 am: i am left in the cold. he has conquered the duvet and used it as his bolster while the real boslter lay abandoned on the floor.

someone get me a new bed, new duvet pls.

**