the genie coefficient

Dior poisons me with the high lead content
Hugo captivates me and I sniff around to catch a whiff
Ferragamo tempts me and makes me feel like a pauper

then i walk down the street and order a $6 cake and a $6 coffee.
then i realize the $12 for my tea feeds a family of 3,
living in a one room HDB
for 2 whole meals

then i hear the cry of the poor as i march down the streets of 'too much',
muffled by the bustle of the city.
their demeanor considered unsightly
so they are sidelined, marginalised by society.
their poverty is camouflage to the slums of our minds
and a helping hand is a hard, rare find.

their welfare is nobody's business,
afterall, we're still reeling from a sub prime crisis.
our problems are too big, they won't understand.
if this doesn't go well,
we can't even sustain our chanels.

so we turn a deaf ear and a blind eye,
to their not so silent cry.
we sear our conscience to fend for our comfort,
and add mercilessly to their hurt.
we cry over our korean DVDS
fly out of our geographical boundary to to lend aid
all the while, oblivious to the 3rd world in our very own city state.

we who are rich are truly poverty stricken
eaten by a disease called 'selfish'.
'every man for himself' rules our hearts,
yet we cry out 'one people, one nation, one singapore'
with a merlion's roar.

'no man is an island' applies
but i've learnt that membership to the 'island' is $200k annually.
this island doesn't admit many,
even if you have the money
see, the poor don't have a clue of our woes
they don't see the thorns in our rose.
the greenback is spiralling
and we all feel poor
there is rising inflation
our tomorrows are no longer sure
however, we're completely unaware
that their todays
are in peril

boldness and courage for a lamb

this season calls for strength to stand, faith to believe, boldness to conquer and grace to overcome. yet all i want to do is hide and run away. from the tempest and the storms. from the conflicts, skirmishes and potential bloodshed. i am the new irresponsible and the wuss in me is crying out for shelter (and another holiday), yet knowing fully well that it is not what i need.

i find myself obsessing over things like looking out for the fugitive, to ensure he is not camouflaged in the crowd and noticed that there are many many pple wearing caps these days. so i peer beneath their caps when they are sleeping in the train and rudely jolt them awake when they realize i'm peering. then i quickly look away, mentally justifying myself that i need not be embarassed, i'm just doing my part as a civilian, to be vigilant.

this is the moment when i'm challenged to be more because i hate injustice. sometimes i feel so fired up i want to fight. at times, fear and the mind holds me back and i just keep thinking, ''better stay out of trouble. don't get involved'. but i quote mordecai, queen esther's uncle who was an emblem of righteousness -
" for if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father's house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this"

alamak. what a harsh rebuke. but she needed it because many destinies and lives were hanging in the balance. imagine if esther had just MYOBed (minded your own business), the book of esther would have been written very differently and esther will be a name that will go down history in shame.

i don't know how my name will live after i leave. i do believe however, that every small decision sums up and every decision further defines who you are and what you stand for. its the classic 'between the rock and a hard place' but that's where many mighty men are birthed. babies are birthed in the womb but mighty men are birthed through trials and really difficult situations. mine is nothing compared to them. it's comparing a chiku to a watermelon. if you get my analogy. surely, this is nothing.

i need to unwussify. i need to speak even if i stammer. i need to stand even if i shake. and really its ok even if i have to evacuate this earth one day, because on the other wide of heaven, i've got a mansion reserved.

so really, if i can make a tiny difference in a tiny person's life, i'll do it. even if its inconvenient and costly. because He knew the cost but paid for me.

i'm sure He asked why. i'm sure the Father answered back, pointing at me 'she is the reason why you must die'.

i was blind but now i see

chastised.

the peoplei used to envy who had the jobs i wanted, the 'type' of life that seemed to spell ' i had it all' didn't quite have it all either. it was just all an illusion, nice packaging to shield the sadness behind.

and i felt so bad for ever ever lamenting about my life.

"death reminds us about the brevity of life but the resurrection reminds us of the brevity of death''

While You Were Sleeping - Casting Crowns

great expectations-steven curtis chapman

The morning finds me here at heavens door

A place Ive been so many times before

Familiar thoughts and phrases start to flow

And carry me to places that I know so well

But dare I go where I dont understand

And do I dare remember where I amI stand before the great eternal throne

The one that God himself is seated on

And I Ive been invited as a son

Oh I Ive been invited to come and

Believe the unbelievable

Receive the inconceivable

And see beyond my wildest imagination

Lord I come with great expectations

So wake the hope that slumbers in my soul

Stir the fire inside and make it glow

Im trusting in a love that has no end

The savior of this world has called me friend

And I Ive been invited with the son

Oh I Ive been invited to come and

We've been invited with the sonA

nd we've been invited to come and

Believe the unbelievable

Receive the inconceivable

And see beyond our wildest imagination

Lord we come with great expectations

better not safe than sorry.

i'm driven by a force that wants to live life to the fullest, love the hardest and overcome so that on my deathbed, i'll be able to wave my temporary home goodbye gaily knowing i truly lived. i'm not scared to die physically. i'm scared to die spiritually and mentally, more than anything else.

i want to savour all the blessings He has availed for me. To have the best marriage on earth, have the epic romance of all times with the one i love, share a life of communion in Him with him, and raise champions whose hearts are sold out to the one true God, to live fearlessly for Him only.

i don't want to stay 'safe' and never venture out, never try. my life has to be an adventure no matter how fraught with fear i sometimes am, as the uncertainty bellows from the deep and i'm dangling precariously by a thread called faith. undoubtedly, sometimes fear holds me back and the 'what ifs' swallow my gusto before i even start to pray. but the greater fear of one day looking back at my days in regret and peppering my lines with 'if only's propells me even further into the unknown.

i've made a decision to be bold. this decision will leave room for mistakes, forgiveness and grace to pick up and move on. this decision equips me to live to discover His best plans for me, to evidence the truth that 'He'll never leave me nor forsake me'', to be surprised by Him and to live the the overcoming life He decreed. i don't have to walk safely on the pathway when i can fly. at the same time,the knowledge that i have all but one life time restrains me from living carelessly but exercising prayer and counsel.

there are certain key areas in my life that are awaiting His full restoration. the robbers of my faith have pilferaged the deep treasures of my heart and i'm waiting a full compensation and the shame of their offense. it seems abyssamal when i examine it with the standards of this world and i've walked the valley of despair because of it. but i know, without a doubt that my God of isaac will have the last laugh from the top of Zion. and His laughter is my victory cry.

feeding my soul jay chou
with corrine may on repeat play
i can't hear You now.
garrison my soul with Your love
before they lower the casket of hope below the earth
thieves are pilferaging my hope
and the weight of my expectations
crush my spirit
lift me out from the abyss of dust
hoist my hope up the mast
blast the lies out of my soul
and let the voice of truth resound in victory.