Sunday, December 24, 2006

spring clean your ears.

don moen was singing something about fresh fire falling from heaven on the cd player.

my brother: "why will french fries fall from heaven?"

**
and our dad mistook 'i exalt thee' for 'i am salty' some months back in church.

clearly this problem we have is bigger that we first imagined. and you all thought it was just me. blame the genes!(and mei ling)

Saturday, December 23, 2006

true lamb of God.

after walking out of the hairdresser...

me to friend: i look like a poodle/sheep.

Tan Mei Ling: blah blah blah, since its almost christmas, you can pretend to be santa's sister.

me: YOU ARE NOT HELPING!

Tan Mei Ling: Ok ok, seriously, my church is putting up a skit and we really need a sheep..

**
i seek redress!

Monday, December 18, 2006

fresh from heaven

i didn't wake up this morning beaming with joy. i struggled to praise God and maintain a posture of thanksgiving when all i wanted to do was hide in bed and cry.

i was to have my driving test later today and i was super nervous. i didn't wanto fail again and honestly, i don't take to failure of any kind very well. despite having sufficient experiences.to make things (slightly) worse, i was receiving endless msgs from the colleague despite being on official leave. i really hated that.

i don't know if many of you know about my dreams and me. and a recent vision/dream i had about being pushed violently by a she-man kinda being which had no legs. and how i was reinforced by a heavenly being of about 3 m. how she provided me with endless strength and with her help, i overcame that legless ugly creature with one final push..that marked the defeat of the legless she man. sounds like a scene straight out of X men or some fantasy show but alas, its just a scene from the movie of my life.(nightlife)

and then TADAH this morning when i woke up, my Father had a word for me and this was what i was given:

Psalms 118: 13-14
You pushed me violently, that i might fall
but the lord helped me
the lord is my strength and my song
and he has become my salvation.

so all that irritation from the office and all my fear of the impending driving test fled.

nothing beats God responding to anything i'm facing the way he does. I love the way he responds ..super cool. most of all, i love the very fact that God almighty responds to my nightmares. thats a true mark of a good Father.

and did i mention that that dream setting was my office? political enemy forces might be at work but my God is bigger.sure win!

correspondingly yesterday my cg leader who was praying for me mentioned when he was praying that he just kept remembering the story of daniel and his friends in the fire. some of you might know that i am gg to have a fresh change of bosses, both christian and one has told me her contingency plan is to gather with me and pray because 'we're not gg to make it without God'. we're left with little resources and a huge pile of mess to clear courtesy of the preceding management.

literally thrown into a pit of fire. my cg leader added that God wants me to pray that i overcome with the 4th man in the fire (as per the story of daniel) and stop praying that i be delivered..which is my typical escapist stance.

so when all see that we walk alive and strong, in the burning fire and EMERGE alive, i pray that all see the 4th man as well.

glory to my 4th man. i love you

Saturday, December 16, 2006

simple thanks

Revelations 3:20

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me"

**
so glad you knocked
so glad you didn't have to knock too long
and wait there endlessly for a heart that won't welcome you
so glad i answered
and received you even though you were almost a stranger
so glad you've since taken up permanent residence
and will never leave.
so glad!

ladeedum

"and if the angels came, I'd fight them back to win your soul
and when everything is said and done
they'd go back home
and they ought to know
that you're mine, all mine''

clay aiken-a thousand days.

sounds like something Jesus would say.

and i was at robertson walk today.in carnele. and i was beside tay ping hui lah!!the only ch8 actor i possibly like(liked) since thomas ong circa 1995.

-squeal!!-

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Thoughts.

colleague: my brothers are twins.
me: are they the same age?
colleagues: -slap foreheads-

**

my driving instructor thinks i'm color blind. i know alot of you already believe so. but i stop the car when the light turns green and i charge ahead when the light turns red.

i also thought shuxin's purple car was green. blame it on the lighting.

my God thinks i'm beautiful. even though at last count, i have three unauthorized zits on my face. and overweight eyebags.

my boyfriend thinks i talk to much. so as a mark of respect and deference to him being the man in our relationship, i have decided to offer him a minute of silence- every week.

i think i am shrinking. pants that i used to wear in the past have suddenly grown. even when i'm wearing heels.

i think shuxin's dog likes to sniff my butt.

i don't even dare to think what you think.

Paul's apparent checklist/ instructions of Christian Living

Romans 12:9-21

Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good.
be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in hobor giving preference to one another;
not lagging in diligence,
fevent in spirit,
serving the lord;
rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer;
distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.
bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.
be of the same mind toward one another. do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble.
do not be wise in your own opinion.
repay no one evil for evil. have regard for good things in the sight of all men.
if it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.
Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath: for it is written, "vengeance is Mine, I will repay, " says the Lord

"Therefore if your enemy hungers, feed him;
if he thirsts, give him a drink;
For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head."

Do not overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.

**
wake up call to me as i literally stumbled upon this passage that i've not heard preached in any church for just about the longest time. wake up call coz i've been wilfully unloving and thus unlovable. wake up call because i've spitted fire on my own instead of heaping a nice pile of coal on said enemy.

humbled by mercy yet again. and back on my knees to ask God to strip away that irritating complaining proud spirit that has taken residence within me.

somehow or the other,i always end up after my own sojourning or pretending to me mighty and strong bawling like a baby at the throne of God. i cannot move on until i breathe the fresh breath of mercy and grace and know acceptance all over again inspite of me.

lately, the lord has been addressing my deep rooted fear of rejection. Apparently, as a defence mechanism and a counter offensive, since i so deeply believe in striking first before being struck, ive so flippantly dismissed people out of my life when there is the remotest hint that i might not have full favour. I was asking God why i'm so harsh on people and to give me grace to be more loving..to be a natural channel for His love towards them to shine through. I've had no answers until now...it wasn't that God wasn't giving. its simply because that inate defence mechanism was acting AGAINST the love of God. Out of sheer respect of my own free will until i learn to surrender it all and let Him have his way no matter what, He backed off gently until I relinquished that area to Him.

but my new found freedom via surrender to the Lord has given me a boldness to not be afraid to be just who i am. with just about anyone. and to not fear them rolling their eyes or shying away. because God will know how to draw the right people and repulse the wrong on my behalf. My shield and my sword. tadah!

I don't have to get offended when people are nasty and rude. I don't have to try to be more loving when i am living on the perpetual euphoria that results of a perfect acceptance before the only only One that matters. I don't have to justify any hurt with an assault.

rejoice with me as each shred of me slowly erodes away in complete surrender before Jesus. there will soon be none of me left as i live in the reality that i am truly 'crucified with Christ. and it is not I that live but Christ that lives in me'.As i give myself over to death for Jesus, He'll be my resurrection life.

my flesh will be ever present until I'm called to heaven but in the meantime, those who have no chance of avoiding me, (ie. bf and my ever faithful circle of girlfriends) can look forward to less tantrums.

Monday, December 04, 2006

History graduate discredited.

colleague: who is soong ching ling ar?mao's wife?
the now discredited history graduate (in all seriousness): sun yan zi lah!

(disclaimer: the correct answer is sun zhong shan, the father of modern china AND taiwan)

pls don't ask me to explain the above. if you don't get it you don't.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

well said

"even after i made the decision to stop chasing after popularity, i still found myself feeling the inexplicable need to maintain at least a decent number of friendships. Yet when i steppeed back and really examined those friendships, i was surprised to realize that the majority of them were not true friends. they did not really know me, not did they have a desire to. i was simply another voice in the midst of their gossipy chatter, another body squished in the backseat of their car, another ear for their jokes and secrets, another workout partner, or another shopping buddy. though many of them were so-called christians, they did not have the remotest understanding of my desire to pursue intimacy with my Prince. if i were to try to explain it to them, i would be met only by blank, confused stares. why did i feel the need to devote my time to maintaining these shallow relationships?"

Leslie Ludy

**
when i look at isaac these days, i'm reminded of the humble beginnings of this relationship and how far we've come. i remember what a pleasant surprise he was, a fresh breath of life to my otherwise solitary existence. i didn't know until him, that i could fit so nicely and snugly into another person's heart and soul or that someone else could fit into mine.

i remember how i praised God when i thought of him and how i thought to myself ever so often that God must really really love me to entrust me to him.his soul is such a mirror of God's beauty. his blurness drives me crazy at times but its the exact same quality that endeared to me years ago. i'm the kancheong spider while hez the unshakeable rock (some say stone). we go hand in hand.( sometimes, his foot on my foot..and that'll follow by a perfectly pitched yelp of pain from me.).perfect complements we are.

anyways, three years later, i'm glad i still think the same. infact, these initial beliefs are further enforced. and i'm more thankful than ever for the grace that has seen us through even through the time we thought we couldn't go on together anymore. i really take my heart off for his commitment towards God and me. this man of mine really doesn't bear any grudges. if not for his graciousness towards my petty little heart, we would have self combusted.

i just wanto do it right. make it work.not just for us but for the glory of God.

loveee love love love him so so much.