It appears to take alot. to take the plunge, to take the step of faith boldly holding on to nothing familiar at all, abandoning human certainty and embracing the only certainty that truly is certain anyway. but here i am, (i think) with a boldness i never knew though i'mstill shaking inside. (at least everytime i engage my mind or listen to the lies) i am afraid once again.
but at least i'm going. at least i've taken step 1. and there's no looking back from this point forth. change and the abandonment of familiarity and human stability is also translated to a no choice situation but to trust Him. and trust involves a dynamic relationship. i can no longer worship methods that i'm familiar with, experience etc but go to Him each and every single day. relying on HIm tobe the way. to pave the way. and even in the event that i make mistakes, He'll still be there. and that is more than enough.
besides, since when was experience a criteria of truth?
another page is turned today. another chapter in my life. actually i think the Lord held up this page in my life for at least two months but i held on too that same page never allowing HIm to fully put it down and start a new chapter. today, i'm holding His hand instead of the page. i'm allowing Him to write the nxt chapter and let it unfold. i've heard Him loud and clear, ignored HIm blatantly, sought confirmation, got confirmation, debated, fought, wrestled. yes, skinny me vs almight God.
Thank God for His enduring love and patience and Isaac's too.
i'm a worshipper of the almighty God, the alpha and the omega, Jesus Christ, son of God. not my methods, not my own flesh, nothing of man, not familiarity, not apparent stability. and it'll stay this way forevermore. say amen with me.
Father i see that You are drawing
a line in the sand
and i want to be standing on Your side
holding Your hand
so let your kingdom come
let it live in me
this is my prayer
this is my plea.
-let the worshippers arise- philips craig and dean
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
a page is turned by bebo norman
A page is turned by the wind to a boy in curly grin
With a world to conquer at the age of ten
But as history unfolds and the storybook is told
He finds salvation but not at the hands of man
And the God of second chance
Picked him up and He let him dance
Through a world that is not kind
And all this time, preparing him, the one
To hold him up when he comes undone
Beneath the storm, beneath the sun
And now a man, here you stand Your day has come
A page is turned in this world to reveal a little girl
With a heart that's bigger, as it is unfurled
By the language in her soul, that's teaching her to grow
With a careful cover of love that will not fail
And the God of second chance
Picked her up and He let her dance T
through a world that isn't kind
And all this time, preparing her the one
To hold her up when she comes undone
Beneath the storm, beneath the sun
And grown up tall, here you are Your day has come
Beneath the air of autumn, she took him by his hand
And warm within the ardor, she took his heart instead
And high upon the mountain, he asked her for her hand
Just for her hand
A page is turned in this life, he's making her his wife
And there is no secret to the source of this much life
When the grace that falls like rain is washing them again
Just a chance to somehow rise above this land
Where the God of second chance
Will pick them up and he'll let them dance
Through a world that is not kind
And all this time, they're sharing with the one
That holds them up when they come undone
Beneath the storm, beneath the sun
And once again, here you stand
And once again, here you stand Your day has come
With a world to conquer at the age of ten
But as history unfolds and the storybook is told
He finds salvation but not at the hands of man
And the God of second chance
Picked him up and He let him dance
Through a world that is not kind
And all this time, preparing him, the one
To hold him up when he comes undone
Beneath the storm, beneath the sun
And now a man, here you stand Your day has come
A page is turned in this world to reveal a little girl
With a heart that's bigger, as it is unfurled
By the language in her soul, that's teaching her to grow
With a careful cover of love that will not fail
And the God of second chance
Picked her up and He let her dance T
through a world that isn't kind
And all this time, preparing her the one
To hold her up when she comes undone
Beneath the storm, beneath the sun
And grown up tall, here you are Your day has come
Beneath the air of autumn, she took him by his hand
And warm within the ardor, she took his heart instead
And high upon the mountain, he asked her for her hand
Just for her hand
A page is turned in this life, he's making her his wife
And there is no secret to the source of this much life
When the grace that falls like rain is washing them again
Just a chance to somehow rise above this land
Where the God of second chance
Will pick them up and he'll let them dance
Through a world that is not kind
And all this time, they're sharing with the one
That holds them up when they come undone
Beneath the storm, beneath the sun
And once again, here you stand
And once again, here you stand Your day has come
Monday, May 30, 2005
love like that must hurt really much.
I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake.
have you read this verse 1000 times and nv realised why HE said its for His own sake that He gave His son, gave it all up for you?
maybe it'll just grieve Him way too much if you land up in hell. maybe thats why.
maybe its a love that i'll never ever fully comprehend and all i can hope is to know more day by day and respond with thanksgiving.
have you read this verse 1000 times and nv realised why HE said its for His own sake that He gave His son, gave it all up for you?
maybe it'll just grieve Him way too much if you land up in hell. maybe thats why.
maybe its a love that i'll never ever fully comprehend and all i can hope is to know more day by day and respond with thanksgiving.
Sunday, May 29, 2005
condensed
theres so much i wanto record and blog about but i keep procrastinating so heres everything at one go.
1 - conversation in the train
guy: pls hold on to something. u're gg to fall
girl: i can't.besides, i'm quite stable.don't worry
guy: no u're gg to fall.and why can't you?
girl: theres no pole nearby.
guy: den hold the bar above you!
girl: i can't. my shoulder hurts. i can't lift up my right hand
guy: how about the other hand? you have two hands!
girl: how was i supposed to know i have 2 hands?!?!
2 - i need a haircut. eugene thinks i need redemption instead and it can be BOUGHT at a hefty price of 89 bux at toni and guys =
3 - yet another noteworthy miracle courtesy of Jesus christ. need to trust him more.need to know him more to trust him more and to stop listening to lies. need dynamic relationship like before. caught a very huge glimpse of His unwavering enduring love. that somehow, no matter what, he still wants me back. even when i think momentarily that i don't want ANYBODYYY and i just wanto scream and hide under my bed and cry.
4 - been hearing so much from people from so long ago. thanks to friendster. thats one thing i'm really thankful for. talking to gd pal from sec 1 now. i can't believe its almost 10 years ago. and neither can i believe we're teh pple we are now when we were the people we were then.
5- miss isaac so much already and i'm not even in australia yet.
6- ok the girl in the conversation above is me.
1 - conversation in the train
guy: pls hold on to something. u're gg to fall
girl: i can't.besides, i'm quite stable.don't worry
guy: no u're gg to fall.and why can't you?
girl: theres no pole nearby.
guy: den hold the bar above you!
girl: i can't. my shoulder hurts. i can't lift up my right hand
guy: how about the other hand? you have two hands!
girl: how was i supposed to know i have 2 hands?!?!
2 - i need a haircut. eugene thinks i need redemption instead and it can be BOUGHT at a hefty price of 89 bux at toni and guys =
3 - yet another noteworthy miracle courtesy of Jesus christ. need to trust him more.need to know him more to trust him more and to stop listening to lies. need dynamic relationship like before. caught a very huge glimpse of His unwavering enduring love. that somehow, no matter what, he still wants me back. even when i think momentarily that i don't want ANYBODYYY and i just wanto scream and hide under my bed and cry.
4 - been hearing so much from people from so long ago. thanks to friendster. thats one thing i'm really thankful for. talking to gd pal from sec 1 now. i can't believe its almost 10 years ago. and neither can i believe we're teh pple we are now when we were the people we were then.
5- miss isaac so much already and i'm not even in australia yet.
6- ok the girl in the conversation above is me.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
The Angel brought me here
its been a long and winding journey, but i'm finally here tonight
picking up the pieces and walking back into the light
into the sunset of your glory where my heart and future lies
theres nothing like the feeling when i look into your eyes.
my dreams came true, when i found you
my miracle
If you could see, what i see,
that you're the answer to my prayers
if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear
that angels brought me here...
actually i think its just one Angel.
picking up the pieces and walking back into the light
into the sunset of your glory where my heart and future lies
theres nothing like the feeling when i look into your eyes.
my dreams came true, when i found you
my miracle
If you could see, what i see,
that you're the answer to my prayers
if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear
that angels brought me here...
actually i think its just one Angel.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
love
the overwhelming welcome that i feel when i'm a slobbering mess at God's throne is indescribable
theres more theres more
this is the season of change for me and i'm never a fan of change. i like stability not uncertainty and i'm ashamed to admit that i just can't seem to trust God enough to rest. i like familiarity too much.way too much that i can entertain any other possibilities apart from that.
He has told me specifically about a particular change that is coming on in my life and if i am to yield to Him, everything will be all right. its a difficult decision to make. its tremendously difficult to say yes and i've sought Godly counsel, prayed endlessly and there has just been tonnes of confirmations.
so this time i'll take the plunge. and go. i can't reveal my plans yet because i fear not everyone will understand but if its God, the fruits will speak for itself.
i nv thought i'llb e in this place. sure i know its a season of change as in i'll be entering the workforce but a change on this scale? never in my wildest dreams. but apparently so.
i wish i could say more, that i can bare my heart and leave msgs here for everyone that i love so much in my life...and am so eternally grateful for. but that'll have to wait.
its a difficult period for me, inspite of the numerous blessings of late. huge financial breakthroughs, breakthroughs all over the place actually.at home and around me. my eyes are not on these blessings. i know something very good is awaiting me...and i'll march towards it.
isaiah 60:1 (amplified version)
Arise (from the depression and prostration in which circumstances have kept you-rise to a enw life!)shine ( be radiant with the glory of the Lord) for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you!
isaiah 62:3
You shall also be (so beautiful and prosperous as to be thought of as) a crown of glory and honor in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem (exceedingly beautiful) in the hand of your God.
He has told me specifically about a particular change that is coming on in my life and if i am to yield to Him, everything will be all right. its a difficult decision to make. its tremendously difficult to say yes and i've sought Godly counsel, prayed endlessly and there has just been tonnes of confirmations.
so this time i'll take the plunge. and go. i can't reveal my plans yet because i fear not everyone will understand but if its God, the fruits will speak for itself.
i nv thought i'llb e in this place. sure i know its a season of change as in i'll be entering the workforce but a change on this scale? never in my wildest dreams. but apparently so.
i wish i could say more, that i can bare my heart and leave msgs here for everyone that i love so much in my life...and am so eternally grateful for. but that'll have to wait.
its a difficult period for me, inspite of the numerous blessings of late. huge financial breakthroughs, breakthroughs all over the place actually.at home and around me. my eyes are not on these blessings. i know something very good is awaiting me...and i'll march towards it.
isaiah 60:1 (amplified version)
Arise (from the depression and prostration in which circumstances have kept you-rise to a enw life!)shine ( be radiant with the glory of the Lord) for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you!
isaiah 62:3
You shall also be (so beautiful and prosperous as to be thought of as) a crown of glory and honor in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem (exceedingly beautiful) in the hand of your God.
keeping the dream alive
tonight the rain is falling
full of memories
of people and places
and while the past is calling,
full of fantasies, i remember their faces
the hopes we had, were much too high
were out of reach, but we had to try
the game will never be over
because we're keeping the dream alive
i hear myself recalling
things you said to me, the night it all started
and still the rain is falling
makes me feel the way, i felt when we parted
the hopes we had, were much too high
way out of reach but we had to try
no need to hide, no need to run
coz all the answers come one by one
the game will never be over
because we're keeping the dream alive
i need you-i love you
full of memories
of people and places
and while the past is calling,
full of fantasies, i remember their faces
the hopes we had, were much too high
were out of reach, but we had to try
the game will never be over
because we're keeping the dream alive
i hear myself recalling
things you said to me, the night it all started
and still the rain is falling
makes me feel the way, i felt when we parted
the hopes we had, were much too high
way out of reach but we had to try
no need to hide, no need to run
coz all the answers come one by one
the game will never be over
because we're keeping the dream alive
i need you-i love you
Friday, May 20, 2005
MY IT WOES and adventures
i concede defeat. but thank God HE always leads me to triumph.hehe.
friendster found out that i'm an IT idiot and decided to take advantage of that. first i couldn't really add friends.den when i did, they dun appear even after two days.den on the 3rd day..they appeared!but briefly. one moment i had 9, the nxt 2.
so well, God did something ibelieve and they realised they could bully no princess of the most high. so they returned me my kidnapped friends without asking for a ransom.
phew.praise Jesus.
then i had real trouble resizing a picture for my resume. spent like 2 hrs selecting one, resizing it only to have it rejected by the system time and again because of some incompatibility. friend kindly suggested scanning a passport size foto but unfortunately my scanner is not connected to the comp and i cant find the wire to connect it..much less INSTALL it.
another suggestion came that i shd just use a digi cam and take a pic right there and then and use that one. den i retorted with the fact that my camera is a 4 megapix cam so even the smallest pic is huge. but i found out for the first time that the number of megapixels can be adjusted. well, but i din find out HOW. and of coz by this time iwas severely distressed already.
den isaac finally finished music practice with the childrens church pple. so he reached home, came to my rescue and in 5 mins (including hiccups because msn din allow me to receive files), it was ALL done.
iT crisis of the day resolved. my isaac, my hero!*hug hug hug*
friendster found out that i'm an IT idiot and decided to take advantage of that. first i couldn't really add friends.den when i did, they dun appear even after two days.den on the 3rd day..they appeared!but briefly. one moment i had 9, the nxt 2.
so well, God did something ibelieve and they realised they could bully no princess of the most high. so they returned me my kidnapped friends without asking for a ransom.
phew.praise Jesus.
then i had real trouble resizing a picture for my resume. spent like 2 hrs selecting one, resizing it only to have it rejected by the system time and again because of some incompatibility. friend kindly suggested scanning a passport size foto but unfortunately my scanner is not connected to the comp and i cant find the wire to connect it..much less INSTALL it.
another suggestion came that i shd just use a digi cam and take a pic right there and then and use that one. den i retorted with the fact that my camera is a 4 megapix cam so even the smallest pic is huge. but i found out for the first time that the number of megapixels can be adjusted. well, but i din find out HOW. and of coz by this time iwas severely distressed already.
den isaac finally finished music practice with the childrens church pple. so he reached home, came to my rescue and in 5 mins (including hiccups because msn din allow me to receive files), it was ALL done.
iT crisis of the day resolved. my isaac, my hero!*hug hug hug*
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
why oh why
why i signed up for friendster (after two years)
-------------------------------------------------------
because its so fun looking at other people's pictures!
because of the voyeur and kaypoh in me
because its fun to see how people from pri sch/sec sch/ jc have changed (this part is really fun!)
why i am very frustrated now
------------------------------------
because i signed up for friendster
because i momentarily overestimated my IT skills
because signing up is easy but everything else issnt
because friendster sux and i can't add friends so i cant see pics which is my original intention
because no one logs on to friendster anymore
-------------------------------------------------------
because its so fun looking at other people's pictures!
because of the voyeur and kaypoh in me
because its fun to see how people from pri sch/sec sch/ jc have changed (this part is really fun!)
why i am very frustrated now
------------------------------------
because i signed up for friendster
because i momentarily overestimated my IT skills
because signing up is easy but everything else issnt
because friendster sux and i can't add friends so i cant see pics which is my original intention
because no one logs on to friendster anymore
most happy.
yesterday was awesome because my favourite girls paid me a visit!
adelene (whom i affectionately refer to as ahdelian becoZ of the waY she tYpeS) and belle came armed with tiong bahru porridge and fried kway teow at 11 pm! oh!i welcome anyone bearing good food gifts but really the company was superb.
got abit nostalgic coz we used to do things like these when we were young and well..younger. and now that we're at this juncture in our lives whereby we're prob goin to start work soon and all, the opportunities for doing this late night supper thingies will pretty soon be archived as well.
we had a great time nonetheless.as usual.despite not having met up in ages. despite having had so much happpened, i'm always amazed how our conversations still flow easily and how our catchup sessions nv seem long enuff and i always feel sad when i have to say goodbye. thats how precious it is. its still the same as it was many years ago. i've known belle since i was 9. and ade..sinc ei was 11. and i am so thankful to God for them. i may be forgetful and appear to have frequent lapses of amnesia regarding many things of the past but i remember the times we sat up together on new year's eve in 2000 crying over my crush. i remember the cockroach at the void deck. i remember so much and i' m glad i remember. these memories are precious.
i am truly rich because of these gems that God has put in my life.
that aside, the stupid silly things we did to entertain ourselves also really 'spiced' up the night. because me and belle were friendsterless, we logged on to ade's account and guffawed the night away looking at pictures of people from the distant past. THAT alone made me wanted to melt my resolve to not have a friendster acct coz it was just hilarious. no we werent laughing at how they loooked but..its just the memories of how they used to be and how WE used to be that truly tickled us. ok..we did laugh at how one guy looked.but thats all! but i guess there still wun be a frienster acct for me since...no one logs on to friendster anymore and it is truly passe.
so well, if both of you are reading this, i love you!and belle, have fun in err..bei jing.
and in case isaac feels left out but i doubt hez so insecure and reads my blog regularly anyway, loveeeeee you.=)
adelene (whom i affectionately refer to as ahdelian becoZ of the waY she tYpeS) and belle came armed with tiong bahru porridge and fried kway teow at 11 pm! oh!i welcome anyone bearing good food gifts but really the company was superb.
got abit nostalgic coz we used to do things like these when we were young and well..younger. and now that we're at this juncture in our lives whereby we're prob goin to start work soon and all, the opportunities for doing this late night supper thingies will pretty soon be archived as well.
we had a great time nonetheless.as usual.despite not having met up in ages. despite having had so much happpened, i'm always amazed how our conversations still flow easily and how our catchup sessions nv seem long enuff and i always feel sad when i have to say goodbye. thats how precious it is. its still the same as it was many years ago. i've known belle since i was 9. and ade..sinc ei was 11. and i am so thankful to God for them. i may be forgetful and appear to have frequent lapses of amnesia regarding many things of the past but i remember the times we sat up together on new year's eve in 2000 crying over my crush. i remember the cockroach at the void deck. i remember so much and i' m glad i remember. these memories are precious.
i am truly rich because of these gems that God has put in my life.
that aside, the stupid silly things we did to entertain ourselves also really 'spiced' up the night. because me and belle were friendsterless, we logged on to ade's account and guffawed the night away looking at pictures of people from the distant past. THAT alone made me wanted to melt my resolve to not have a friendster acct coz it was just hilarious. no we werent laughing at how they loooked but..its just the memories of how they used to be and how WE used to be that truly tickled us. ok..we did laugh at how one guy looked.but thats all! but i guess there still wun be a frienster acct for me since...no one logs on to friendster anymore and it is truly passe.
so well, if both of you are reading this, i love you!and belle, have fun in err..bei jing.
and in case isaac feels left out but i doubt hez so insecure and reads my blog regularly anyway, loveeeeee you.=)
Saturday, May 14, 2005
paging for thy merry heart
ah..the perils of blogging
today i heard a true life account of one. of how a lecturer decided to google his own name and found a horrible post about him by one of his students.
and i really hate msn. i have just officially downloaded it for the 3rd time this week because it kept giving my computer grave errors. i don't even know when i'm giving it chance after chance. should have enough strength to let go by now. should have nv defected from the icq camp. should have....maybe used yahoo instead?i don't know. the 'should have' list is endless with msn alone. what more for my life...
there are many forthcoming testimonies. esp in the family realm.praise God.
but even so, i cant help still feeling kinda down which explains why i'm still up at this graveyard hour..blogging. the simple thing that my heart truly truly yearns for and has waited for that money cant buy has yet to arrive and i'm doubting whether i'll just have to forego it and count my other blessings since they're rather innumerable and...forget it altogether. it is one of those 'it is only possible with God' kinda things because man can't give it to me at all. i yearn and yearn and i wanto stop yearning if ic ould. but havent been too successful thus far...and thus my heart is abit sick.
hope deferred makes the heart sick
but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.
prov 13-9
need my merry heart back. it hassnt been around for quite awhile.
today i heard a true life account of one. of how a lecturer decided to google his own name and found a horrible post about him by one of his students.
and i really hate msn. i have just officially downloaded it for the 3rd time this week because it kept giving my computer grave errors. i don't even know when i'm giving it chance after chance. should have enough strength to let go by now. should have nv defected from the icq camp. should have....maybe used yahoo instead?i don't know. the 'should have' list is endless with msn alone. what more for my life...
there are many forthcoming testimonies. esp in the family realm.praise God.
but even so, i cant help still feeling kinda down which explains why i'm still up at this graveyard hour..blogging. the simple thing that my heart truly truly yearns for and has waited for that money cant buy has yet to arrive and i'm doubting whether i'll just have to forego it and count my other blessings since they're rather innumerable and...forget it altogether. it is one of those 'it is only possible with God' kinda things because man can't give it to me at all. i yearn and yearn and i wanto stop yearning if ic ould. but havent been too successful thus far...and thus my heart is abit sick.
hope deferred makes the heart sick
but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.
prov 13-9
need my merry heart back. it hassnt been around for quite awhile.
Sunday, May 08, 2005
random ramblings of post examism
it still hazznt really sank in that that paper on 5/5/05 at 5 pm was the very very last paper that i will ever sit for and it marks the end of my turbulent more then a decade long chapter as a student.
but knowing so, despite the initial apprehension of finding a job and what not, i think the storm in my mind has quite ceased and come to a full complete halt already. and i'm just quite intent and absorbed with enjoying myself, the company of those i love (with a lot of good food of course) and watch tv quite endlessly.
been wanting my life to 'start' for the longest time. ie...start life as an adult etc.been so concerned with the destinations i forgot to enjoy any process/journey. and things like these do seriously take their toll on you. everyday becomes a chore and i got so concious of everything negative. which really taints everything and distracts me from what is truly truly beautiful important and TRUE.
i believe alot of testimonies from me and my loved ones will soon fill this space in the coming days. will try to not let the blog go to sleep for too long.
but knowing so, despite the initial apprehension of finding a job and what not, i think the storm in my mind has quite ceased and come to a full complete halt already. and i'm just quite intent and absorbed with enjoying myself, the company of those i love (with a lot of good food of course) and watch tv quite endlessly.
been wanting my life to 'start' for the longest time. ie...start life as an adult etc.been so concerned with the destinations i forgot to enjoy any process/journey. and things like these do seriously take their toll on you. everyday becomes a chore and i got so concious of everything negative. which really taints everything and distracts me from what is truly truly beautiful important and TRUE.
i believe alot of testimonies from me and my loved ones will soon fill this space in the coming days. will try to not let the blog go to sleep for too long.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
technology is a hazard.
i have no more msn.
my computer has been hanging and giving me strange error msgs ever so frequently these days and it just occurred to me like 2 mins ago that it only happens when i try to get on msn.
hence, i had it uninstalled..its gone.until i have the courage to rebuildmy trust and restart another relationship with msn...i guess i'll be talking to no one. i'll missyou!espwhen exams end at 7 pm tonight and i've been so distracted with msn when i was studying before THIS.
find another way to talk to me. telepathy darzen count. yahoo messanger?i'm quite a fan.but no one else uses it. icq...???no one has that anymore...including me.
if i hibernate too much alone with the tv and Jesus at home, i'll just eat up the whole world.
consider your options.
my computer has been hanging and giving me strange error msgs ever so frequently these days and it just occurred to me like 2 mins ago that it only happens when i try to get on msn.
hence, i had it uninstalled..its gone.until i have the courage to rebuildmy trust and restart another relationship with msn...i guess i'll be talking to no one. i'll missyou!espwhen exams end at 7 pm tonight and i've been so distracted with msn when i was studying before THIS.
find another way to talk to me. telepathy darzen count. yahoo messanger?i'm quite a fan.but no one else uses it. icq...???no one has that anymore...including me.
if i hibernate too much alone with the tv and Jesus at home, i'll just eat up the whole world.
consider your options.
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