Friday, April 29, 2005

idle idol

so many idol contestants got gospel background this year.

constantine's gone and i actually teared...ok cried. i never knew i liked him until now. i mean, seriously, id much rather say bye bye to vonzell or SCOTTTT whom i seriously think disturbs carrie coz i see how disturbed she looks when he was in the top 3 last week.

seriously, if bo or carrie leaves, i'd be mourning for quite awhile. coping well with the loss of constantine for now. quite like anthony too who has a punctured throat and can still sing so beauteefullly.

idol trivia: constantine was the president of his youth group in church
scott nearly became a priest...
bo was supposed to go gospel..

lalalala.back to studying

Saturday, April 23, 2005

book burning ceremony-anytime after 5 may.any1 wants to join me?

its my very very last exam ever...

and i don't know why i still don't have that rush to study. savour the last remaining moments of studying. its hard to digest, to concentrate no matter where i am. actually it is easier when i'm out but...trouble is..im too lazy to get out.

i want it all to be over. but then wat?

i don't know. havent heard from the job-i-want pple...

dunno whether its the whole thing abt turning 22 this year or that i'm graduating and gg to have to work and assume adult responsibilities....but this song is ringing in my head right now

the young ones..darling we're the young ones...
and the young ones
shouldnt be afraid
to live, love, while the flame is strong, coz we wun be the young ones very long

daughter of sarah. so staying young for a really long time called forever.growing younger everyday. song darzen apply to me. go away song go away.

selah

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Look to Abraham your father, and to Sarah who bore you, for i called him alone, and blessed him and increased him.

as much as i am excited about the plans He has for me, i still find myself having great difficulty believing that that it is indeed true. that all that is reality. not what i see.

in the midst of my exams right now and while the rest of the world are diligently studying, i for one, havent.but so far i managed to get alot done. by grace alone.and apart from the fact that i'm stressed coz for once i'm not stressed, eveyrthing is really so fine and ok. very thankful. praise Jesus.

went for an interview for a job i really want yesterday.(and the interviewer also seems quite keen on me..at least i think so. had a gd chat...of almost 45 mins.=)) yes, another beauty industry thingy. nv thought i'd want it but when they called me up for an interview..i thought..just go la. and i did.fell in love with everything, the job scope, the boss the everything...except the pay. they're offering me something really meagre that i cant really survive on. i really want the job, apartfrom that and i stated the minimum that i want. hope they call me up.but i'm somehow so secure (for once) that God will definitely open the right door and let everything good fall into place nicely.

sometimes when i encounter mini disappointments such as these, i keep thinking that my dreams are elusive, the fulfilment of them rather. but when i remember that the dreams that He dreams for me are far greater and they encompass every little thing that i dreamt of, my heart swells with joy and i'm deeply comforted.

the dreams that He dream for me are truer than the 'treasures' i pursue. so let my treasures rest in heaven and let all these earthly things just fall by themselves on my lap. i'll take the cup you offer Lord, and drink deeply of all that you have purchased for me, all that you want for me.

at the end of the day, i cant work for my blessings. its an imaginary ladder that pple climb, thinking that it'll lead to heaven on earth. so i'll just let the blessor bless because its been fully paid for. no sweat. besides, who ever said prosperity was defined by the amount of money in ur bank account but how many of your needs/wants are met?

yay. i'm rich already.=) By His poverty(on the cross), i've been made rich.joint heir with Him who owns heaven and earth, the creator of kings live in me.
confident of good news from above.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

big fish..in conjunction with the current fillet o fish promotion at macs.

have a real beeg fish at the pond downstairs whos like 1 m long. it is so huge and fat and it used to be my friend.i used to talk to the fish until well...i grew up.which was not too long ago.and it seemed to respond..back then.in ur imagination everythign happens.

hez so huge now hez the real highlight of the estate and today i looked at it and got such a big shock.half its body is now above the water level.we need to flood the pond big time.

i actually do have a picture of it but because i can upload nothing because i don't know hwo to...no one gets to see the monster in my pond.

im so seriously sick of webcasts and so bored and tired i have to blog about the big fish.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

stumble and fall arise and soar.

i will never relieve my father in heaven of his duty of supplying for me and try to snatch the holy spirits job by ensuring MYSELF that i get all the blessings Jesus died to give. no.i will rest. and i do not just say this as a resolution but a conviction this time round and feel free to remind me every now and then.

will not provide for myself. let Him let Him.

been mulling over how to get a job, how to write a good resume, CV etc etc at the expense of exam preparation. i'm just amazing you know. the minute i finished my 1001 essays, i immediately start mulling and worrying over the job which is like after my exams. oh gah, kill the worry wart in me.die die die worry wart! it is Jesus!

thank God the faithful servant is on duty. thank you Holy spirit. call you H. S for short. hope you don't mind.

thank God i have a covenant. thank God im ALREADy blessed. thank God. phew phew phew.

its ok.i will just let it fall on my lap again.and enjoy the process of getting there in the meantime.afterall, i've gone for the wrong interviews and gotten the right job, sat in my boss' chair at the interview table instead of the other one opposite and gotten the write job, went without make up to interview for a sales position for a make up brand. the list goes on. i'll nv fail to be xinying and he'll nv fail to be Jesus. so i think i'm in quite safe hands. the track record alone quite proves it.

and as a very wise man of God that i respect so very much said just yesterday, "prosperity is not how much you havein your bank but how many of your needs are met'. and as far i'm concerned, i am prosperous!just waiting to add more zeroes in to the rather humble bank acct so that i can truly be a greater blessing to others and..err myself.=)

will not mull over how soon i have to relieve my earthly dad of the heavy cost of supporting me etc etc etc. coz the OTHER dad is the one fully responsible fr the beeegeeening.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

dilemma

oh no this is not good.

there are just people who i dislike i can't figure out why. its not like they have great attributes that i cannot stand but it helps that they do of course which further aggravates it all. in fact some of these people are nice to me thats why i cant resolve this dilemma. i just would rather rather not be with them. i don't know why. and i am sad. is it me?

people whom i enjoy and trust are far and few between. and unlike most normal people, i don't like everyone that comes along my way. yes, love in spite of like. i have occassional squirts and spurts of love for themand i know its all Jesus. that aside, if its xinying alone, sorry, i don't even want your phone number.

some people, no matter what they do, what disagreements i have with them, i just still love them and enjoy them and want that friendship..some, no matter how nice they are to me, still have no favour with me.

argh

Saturday, April 02, 2005

growing up

its april already and that alone is almost terrifying. this is the year for me whereby i step out in the unknown world dog eat dog as a lamb, hiding behind the shepherd. and is the only reason i have no reason at all to be terrified. i really do remember jsut celebrating new year's eve like 2 hours ago or something but that is well..not so. time darzen wait for me even though i have lapses of apparent memory loss.

my exams will end by 5 may. yes, the number of grace and i will embark on a new chapter of my life. excited, really. this is the year i turn 22 and i have nv been 22 before. i feel 16..but the excitement is not quite the same as starting day 1 in jc. i'm quite happy to leave the past behind knowing that the future holds greater gifts and blessings. i don't know what 22 is supposed to be like, having never been there, except in my dreams and so don't expect me to act my age. to me, its really just a number to keep track on how long i've been dwelling on this earth, and possibly, howmuch time i have before my return to my true home.

my righteousness goes before me in all my endeavours and covers up all the dirty tracks i leave behind. it also paves the way home for me. my righteousness is a person and His blood avails. so its all going to be well. and for you too, if you're my sister/ brother in Christ. nothing can overtake you, except His blessings purchased on the cross at the unimaginable but true price- His blood. and if u're not, the doors of this family/kingdom are well open to you any time.

alot of promises that i've heard so often but nv really seen came to pass are coming to pass right before my eyes. so inspite of the occasional bad, i know good and His grace much more abounds. deep down, i remain convicted although i sometimes vascillate towards following what i see. i cant believe what i saw then, coz it appeared to be a downward spiral. i cant believe what i see now either, coz its getting to be soo good. but it darzen matter, it is no statement of the truth. circumstances are merely shifting sand. i'll remain on the rock.

behold He comes

reading up so much on american foreign policy and its expanding empire despite its vehement refusals and denial that it is infact one...or whatever the definitions of 'empire' state.

this world is a hard world to keep tabs on. and the onus is on the USA simply because, there is on other suitable candidate..or is it?till the day Jesus returns i guess...no one else has the money and the heart and its sad because America has been so used to intervening despite starting out refusing to be entangled in foreign affairs. from isolationist to well..possible omniscience. she is everywhere. or so it seems. 5 global military commands.

reminds me of the time in the bible when man or rather..Israel insisted on having a king.coz apparently God alone ruling just wazznt enough. and every other nation had a human king.so God said ok and israel had a king. then the king had so many problems and gave so many problems while trying to solve so many problems, many of which, his own. they are afterall just a group of blessed human beings. HUMAN beings. perfection is just not included in the package. there is not enough for perfection. just take a look at saul...enuff said. and here we are...a few milleniums later with history repeating itself. this is not an anti america post. but sometimes, really i feel they have no choice. the mantle is on them...or at least they think so and the whole world does not disagree...no matter what they say. when a prob happens, and america is not there in 2 seconds, the world wonders aloud why why why. not enough funds..etc.its always expected to give more and of coz receive more than its own fair share of blame.

but its nice to know that america will soon be relieved of its burdens, whether perceived, self imposed or well...truly there. coz Jesus will take over completely and His return is imminient. and His rule will be perfect.